What do couples fight over the most when it comes to raising kids?

If you thought that BIG issues such as choosing the right school or agreeing on approaches to discipline were sources of conflict then think again.

It is small, more mundane relationship issues that cause most angst between parents.

According to a recent survey conducted by Australia’s Practical Parenting magazine the following four issues caused the most frustration and friction at home:    

1. Who works harder? This question represents the perennial debate between mothers and fathers and reflects a lack of understanding of the other partner’s role. From my experience, it is more likely to be men who boast that they work harder. Hmm. For what it is worth I recommend that blokes never ask an at-home mother of children under five what they do all day. If so, you will soon find yourself asking question no. 4 a lot (see below).
2. Whose turn is it to…..? You can fill the blank with anything you like including changing nappies, feeding and picking up the kids from jazz ballet. There is rarely equality in parenting roles. One parent is generally the primary parent –i.e. calls the shots about food, health, education, and the like. The primary parent (most likely to be a mother) invariably carries more of the parenting load. The secondary parent (usually a bloke) supports the parent who calls the shots. From my experience the more both parents share the load the less likely they are to ask question no. 4 (see below).
3. Who knows best when it comes to raising kids? This is a question with fascinating implications and basically no right answer. Those parents who are able to accommodate each other’s views and somehow manage to get on the same parenting page have the most effective parenting partnerships. Yep, you guessed it. They also ask question no. 4 (see below) less than those who play the game of one-upmanship in their parenting.
4. Why don’t we have more sex? Finally, the BIGGIE.  The question should really be – “Why don’t we have as much sex as we did in the first year of our partnership.” An old wives tale suggests that if a couple puts a button in a jar every time they have sex in the first year of their partnership then took a button out every time they had sex in the following years the jar will never empty! Fatigue, other priorities, lack of time and a whole host of reasons get in the way.  The notion of making time for yourself and your partner is anathema for many modern Australian parents who devote so much time and energy to their kids, careers and keeping the cashflowing. The solution. A little bit of me time and little bit of you time and suddenly you may discover that you begin to ask question no. 4 less!

If you have a partner then how do you measure up according to these issues? Agree or disagree? Talk about them with your partner.

If you are parenting solo then the answers to these questions are simple. You do work hardest; it is your turn; you know best and you don’t have to verbalise no. 4.    

© 2008
by Michael Grose