You love your significant other, you want nothing more than to please him, but hormones get in the way. What do you do?

Twenty-five years ago I lusted after a man whom I eventually married. About five years into the marriage, the lustful desires started to disappear and then I realized I really did not love my husband at all. Our relationship had been built solely on a physical attraction to each other. I tried to hang in there for the sake of our daughter but the more I tried the unhappier I was. So after 18 years of marriage I decided to call it quits.

After a few years passed, I met, fell in love and got married to the man I call my true soul mate. By this time I was in my mid 40’s and symptoms of perimenopause were starting to creep up on me. One of those symptoms was vaginal dryness, which can make sexual intimacy painful and uncomfortable at times. I did not want this to become an issue between us because I loved and adored my new husband and I wanted to give him ALL of me ALL of the time.

I believe this is a dilemma facing many women in my age group. As we grow older, there is a decrease in our hormone levels which causes changes in our vaginal tissue. It becomes thinner and less elastic. Nearly half of all women between the ages of 40 and 59 will experience vaginal dryness. There is less vaginal wetness even when women become aroused. This can result in a painful experience and a definite turn-off.

So what do you do when you want to give sexual pleasure to the man you love and adore even when you or your body doesn’t feel like it? Here are some tips:

1. You should focus on sex in a different way. Yes, it is a physical act. But first, you should let it resonate it your mind. I believe sex is more mental than physical. Learn how to create a mental image of the love and admiration you have for your spouse. Let your mind wander back to one of the most exciting and intimate experiences you’ve ever had and hold on to that thought.
2. Try different forms of sexual pleasure. One of the biggest mistakes older couples face when it comes to intimacy is lack of experimentation. What happened to your roaring 20s when you were creative and imaginative in the bedroom? There are plenty of sex toys available that can also give you total pleasure.
3. Take sex out of the bedroom. Are you one of those women who needs to always be in your bed with the lights out when you have sex? Put on your thinking cap and come up with some creative places to get your groove on.
4. Sex is more than Sex. What this means is, you can still create the ambience of sexual pleasure without act itself. Make sure you take time out for each other at some point during the week. Make it a date night. Take one night, any night, or even day, and spend it doing something nice with your spouse. From a fancy dinner to a day exploring your city to a quiet picnic in the park, find new things to try with your mate and then just let nature take its course.
5. Love the man who loves you. If you truly love and adore your husband then let that be the focal point of your interaction with him. Sexuality in long term relationships is the result of loving energy flowing between two people. If something is blocking this loving energy, the sexual energy between them, the sexual energy between you will get blocked as well.

Once you realize that sex is more mental than physical you will learn how to lust after the man you love and adore and have plenty of fun doing it.

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