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Benefits
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Benefits
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Friendship is one of life’s most sacred gifts, so why is it so hard to find and keep? As women grow, mature, and settle in new places, the bonds and friendships built in earlier years are tested. Life takes us further and further away from our past, and staying in touch becomes harder than anyone imagines or anticipates. For some lucky women, staying connected to friends whether they are from their community, college, or even high school comes easy, but what about those less fortunate. What about the women who are uprooted whether it is for a new job location or a new job location for their husbands? Nothing can compare to the obstacle women face as they grow, mature, and move away from their past to create new lasting friendships. When in school friendships were easy to form, you see the same people day in and day out and you naturally grow a bond. When women enter the working world peers range in age, and the peer relationships are based around work and usually don’t go past that. The opportunities for friendship aren’t as convenient but it doesn’t mean that they aren’t out there.
For my mother the circumstances were ten times as challenging. All her life she has followed my dad’s job relocations dropping everything for her husband. Now moving to her 5th state she was not only in a new town knowing no one, but she spent all her time focusing on our family’s needs. We had moved out to California to help care for my Aunt, my mother’s oldest sister, who had been diagnosed with an extremely rare lung disease. While she battled to receive a double lung transplant the wait wore on all of us, but the person it beat down out the most was my aunt. After her passing my mother’s life was turned upside down as if she were lost in a whirlwind. She lost a piece of her heart, a piece of her past, and a huge piece of her life. As she dedicated herself to comforting her other sister, brother in law, niece and nephew, she put her own grieving aside. Now that the immediate turmoil has settled, her grief is pouring out. At a time when she needs friendship and support, she feels the most alone only adding to the pain. The love of family is so strong, but the love of a friend is something everyone needs through good times and bad.
Women all over the world, like my mother, experience the feelings of loneliness, grieving, doubt, and many more trying emotions. For many cases the remedy is a shoulder to cry on or a friend to listen. Life is too short to be reminiscing on friendships that have faded, or feelings of loneliness, especially when there are so many women who feel the same way you do. Explore your communities- you will be surprised at how many places there are where you can meet great new people. There is the option of going to the local church. This idea is great for women who are religious because you meet women who share the same beliefs and interests. For parents there are also great ways to get involved with the school and to meet fellow mothers who can relate to what your day-to-day life is like. If you are active and want to meet other women who share the same love for fitness such as sports, join a club or a gym.
Life throws many curve balls, but just remember that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, even if that tunnel seems never ending. Friendships are what help you through all life throws at you, whether these are new friendships, or old- embrace them.
Malia Shoji is a contributing writer for Fabulously40.com
E-mail has been a huge boon to helping with this “connectedness” problem. I’ve lived away from my childhood hometown since marrying more than 20 years ago & have been reconnecting with many old friends via the Internet over the past decade. It seems to have been helpful to them as well to be able to “check in” once in a while in a less pricey way than long-distance phone calls like our moms would’ve had to do at our age.
I am in this situation. No friends. I don’t go to church or participate in sports. I play bagpipes, but most of the people in my band are men/boys. Other mothers always seem so busy (as am I with four children). But I really miss having a friend. Online groups are okay but it’s never been a real friendship in the sense that I could go out to a movie, out for a cup of tea or a walk or just sit and chat on the phone.
Another unfortunate ramification of me being friendless is that my 14 year old daughter has no idea how to be/make a friend and is becoming just as isolated as I am.
I wish it was easier to find friends.
I have found it difficult to make close friends, now that I am home with my kids. I have several “aquaintances” who I chitchat with in the carpool line or during birthday parties, but really no one who I consider a close, trusted friend. I had two friends (which tells me I am capable of making them)but they BOTH moved away within a year of each other.
I feel like I have tried to reach out, planning mom’s night’s out, etc. but noone seems to want to take the time to reciprocate. I can’t figure out if everyone is just overscheduled, if they don’t have the same needs I have, or if they are guarded for one reason or another. I had a mom tell me just today that she is scared to share her true fears and insecurities with others because she worries what they will think of her. Why is it so hard to admit that being a mom, working parent, wife, etc. isn’t always easy?
Anyway, I won’t give up, because I know it takes time to make lasting friendships, but I’ll admit, it gets tiring.
I have learned there are different types of women. There are the ones that can see past differences and not be judgmental and those who find problems with everything. Through my experience, it is best to listen, be supportive and not give too much advice unless asked.
Create lasting relationships with other like minded women.