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So you've met a special someone and have started spending a lot of time together. You're realizing that this attraction and connection is turning into a love relationship. This is exciting news but perhaps a little scary as well. Past relationships may have left you feeling hurt and wary of love and commitment. Or it could be that the sparks you feel with this person are so wonderful you want to make the good feelings last. You don't want to mess up what's starting to look like a great relationship.
Our first recommendation to you if you identify with any of these sentiments, is to relax! If you are in a new relationship, what a fabulous gift to you and this person you are getting to know and opening your heart to. You can start developing habits that will enhance your connection and help start your new relationship off on the right foot.
Have you ever awakened in the morning feeling grumpy and that grumpiness just stays with you the entire day? Perhaps you even explained to a friend that you "got up on the wrong side of the bed." Similarly, in a new relationship, for various reasons, habits may form in the assumptions you make and the ways you interact with each other. These habits can grow and develop into some huge walls between you and your mate.
No matter how short or long you think this relationship will last, pay attention and take steps that can lead toward connection and deeper love. You might think about it this way: Even if you‘re not with this person for the long-term, you probably will be in a love relationship with another person. Why not make each relationship as great as it can be and enjoy the experience or experiences?
Stay tuned in to yourself and your relationship and experiment with what works to bring you closer to your love. Here are some suggestions to get started....
1.) Be You -- the "Real" You
Unfortunately, insecurity and worries about what other people think can lead us to hide parts of ourselves or hold back on aspects we deem less appealing. This may seem to make attracting a date easier but, ultimately, it’s not going to serve you or this relationship that is forming. Allow yourself to be "real" despite worries that your partner will not approve or like what he or she sees. Chances are, he or she will be more accepting of your perceived faults than you are.
2.) Get Curious about Your Partner's "Real" Self
Now it’s your turn. When this new love lets it all hang out and you get a behind-the-scenes look at him or her, warts and all, stay open and curious. As much as we’d all like to look, act and be perfect, none of us are. In fact, many of our so-called imperfections are what make each of us unique and attractive to a partner. Remember that just as you aren’t defined by only one trait or aspect, so too is this other person complex and multi-faceted. What surprises can you find to appreciate about your new love?
3.) Practice Honesty
As you allow your partner to see the "real" you, you are being honest. Take that practice and expand it out. Instead of assuming that your love doesn’t really need to know about a phone call from your ex in efforts to avoid an argument, be open and communicate even what’s difficult to say. In all likelihood, your honesty now can lessen or even avoid misunderstanding and pain later on.
4.) Stay Present
Nobody knows with 100% certainty how long a relationship will last. Many factors
- some within our control and some out of our control - can help determine whether this relationship will last a lifetime or be shorter in duration. Because of this, it is vital that you stay present. Don't worry about whether you will still feel butterflies in your stomach 5 months or even 5 years from now, celebrate that you have found someone who stirs such passion within you. Enjoy each moment of this relationship and allow your feelings in the now to guide the decisions you make.
5.) Have fun!
There tends to be a lightness and even frivolity to new love. An excited sense of discovery is usually alive and well at this point. As you move out of what you might call courtship and into a more committed relationship, keep having fun. You can be real with one another, communicate honestly and with integrity and be present in this moment AND still maintain a sense of fun.
Remember what makes you both laugh and keep doing those things. Share your dreams and try out new activities you never thought you’d try. Allow yourselves to expand and grow as your love and connection do the same.
About the Authors
Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins, authors of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" "No More Jealousy," "How to Heal Your Broken Heart," "Red Hot Love Relationships" and "Stop Talking on Eggshells," are experts at helping people get more of the love they really want. To get a free online course that offers the 5 keys to a closer, more loving relationship, visit Relationship Gold.
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