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Dating & Life - Here Comes the Judge

By Debra Berndt

This is a story I've heard many times. It is a good reminder of how to be judge-free of life's events. A young farmer and his wife gave birth to a son in a small village. The villagers around him proclaimed, "What good luck! You have a son to help you in the fields." The farmer replied, "It could be good or it could be bad." About 15 years later, one of his horses ran away. The villagers shared their sympathy, "Oh what bad luck! Your horse ran away, now you do not have a strong horse to help you with your work on the farm." The farmer replied, "It could be good or it could be bad." The farmer went on and managed without his horse until one day the horse returned with five other wild horses. "What good luck! Now you have six horses!" the villagers exclaimed. The farmer again gave his reply, "It could be good or it could be bad." The farmer's son broke his leg as he helped to tame the wild horses. The villagers once again gave their opinion, "What bad luck! Now your son cannot help you." The farmer replied with a smile, "It could be good or it could be bad." Later that month, a war broke out and the soldiers went from home to home collecting young men to join their effort. Since the farmer's son was injured, he could not go. The villagers again said to the farmer, "What good luck! Your son is safe and does not have to risk his life at war." The farmer simply replied, "It could be good or it could be bad."

Throughout life, our minds attempt to measure up what is occurring around us. But, these judgments are limited by only our past experiences. At any time, we cannot predict what the future holds. Sometimes the so-called "bad luck" we experience turns out to be a wonderful turn of events. We just never know.

A great example of this is in my dating experience. Being single for many years, I encountered many disappointments. However, it was how I labeled the situation that determined my state of mind. If I immediately viewed the situation as the helpless victim and no one loved me, I would get depressed and feel terrible. I felt empowered when I realized that I had a choice as to whether I wanted to have a pity party or if I just said "next!" I am not condoning ignoring real pain, but be sure to identify that the cause of the upset lies within our own perception. As my self-esteem improved, it was easier to believe that I deserved a mutual, loving relationship. I got to the point when I let go of those who did not feel the same way because I knew it wasn't the relationship for me. I still got rejected from time to time, but the sting wasn't there when I stopped taking it personally. Thank goodness that the others did not work out, because I ultimately attracted the relationship I really wanted. What good luck!

We do not have control over the choices others make or the some of the events that occur in our lives, but we do have the ability choose how we react to them. Interestingly enough, the more we react in a peaceful way, the less those upsetting situations seem to happen to us.
Get into a habit of looking at everything as if you chose it for your highest good. What freedom to not have to worry about controlling everything out there when you can just go inside and create the world YOU want to experience.

Author's Bio

Debra Berndt, Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and Dating Expert and creator of The Dating Makeover. Hypnodeb.com is the fastest growing provider of self-hypnosis products. Debra has appeared internationally on radio and television promoting the power of the subconscious and self-hypnosis to attract true love.






Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sweetnsassy wrote Nov 1, 2008
    • This is so true!  It’s like the Garth Brooks song -  “Thank God for unanswererd prayers“.  I too had been single for a long time, and had some bad relationships but I prayed each one would work out, knowing in my heart the person wasn’t the one for me.  Now, after 6 years, God sent me a teriffic guy that loves me, has faith in God, has morals and wants what I want in a relationship.  We even tend to think alike. If God had answered my prayers earlier I’m sure I wouldn’t have been happy—- so yes, “It could be good, or it could be bad.”  Thanks for sharing a great article!



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