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As much as we all would like, sometimes being a “friend in deed” physically isn’t something we‘re able to do. Recently a good friend of mine had been going through quite a rough patch in her life; it was and no doubt will continue to be filled with not-so-great days for many weeks to come. First the company she worked for went belly up, leaving her with only her private clients in the world of bookkeeping to keep her financially afloat. Of course her medical insurance went south along with the day job. Thankful for the opportunity to pay Cobra an outrageous amount of money, she promptly fractured her left foot and found out she had breast cancer. Oh, she also turned 50.
Single, scared and needing comfort, would definitely describe my friend. I wanted to be there, physically not just emotionally. However, this year has not been very good to me either. In the light of what she is going through, mine are truly trivial problems. About a week before her news of a fractured foot, I had beaten her to the finish line-I broke my right foot, in two places and the area was said to “be in an area that caused great concern” to the orthopedic staff at my HMO. No weight-bearing for six weeks. Certainly couldn't drive anywhere without my chauffer (otherwise known as my husband).
So being able to hop into my little blue PT Cruiser and zip down the freeway to her apartment was simply not an option. How could I be a supportive friend when I wasn't able to stand up on my own two feet? The following are some of the ideas I came up with:
It's not the big things we do for the special people in our lives that makes a difference. Showing concern and being a good friend can be as simple as remembering that the people in our lives need to be heard and letting them use us a sounding boards.
These “tips” aren't special, time consuming or different, it's just that they work. This holds true if you're in the same room or across the country.
Carine Nadel,is contributing writer for Fabulously40
This was a nice post. My very best friend from kindergarten all the way through high school...and beyond...was diagnosed with colon cancer this July. She is 44 years old. Today was th first day of her second chemo treatment. It’s draining...and I hate it for her.
There is not a lot I can do for her...it’s just she and her husband...they never were able to have children....but the one thing I can do for her is PRAY.
MC
This is a great article. Thank you !
It really hit home because a few years ago I was on complete bedrest with my second child for 6 months. One of my college roomates, despite the fact that she travelled for work, had a 1 year old and her mom was dying, called me EVERY, SINGLE, Friday just to gab and “keep me company ” no matter where she was. The only Friday she missed was the Friday that her family took her mom off of life support.
This served as an enormously instructive time for me. It is etched in my heart and I only hope that I can be that for someone when needed.
When my mother was ill for many years and then passed away not one of my 8 inlaws or their spouses ever offered help of any kind or even said “let me know if there is anything I can do for you“.
Fortunately my 2 best friends did. Thank god for them.
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