What you have to do first if you want to survive infidelity in your marriage or relationship depends on whether you‘re the cheated or the cheating partner,
If you‘re the one who’s been cheated on you have to be able to deal with discovering that your partner has been unfaithful to you. The first thing you need to do is accept that you’ll be on an emotional rollercoaster ride for a while.
Here are some things you can do initially:
- It’s human nature that you’ll probably want to confront your partner as soon as possible with a list of questions. A lot of these will probably be pretty specific and will touch a lot of nerves. When? where? how, how many times? why? etc. It sounds easy to say, but you’ll achieve a lot more if you can avoid anger as much as possible. Also try to ask yourself whether it will really help you if you know some of the specifics.
- You need to establish whether your partner’s affair is over. If it isn’t, find out what their intentions are and give them an ultimatum.
- Set some initial boundaries.
- Give yourself time to come to terms with your situation. If possible spend time apart from your partner whilst you‘re doing this. The minimum you should be doing is sleeping apart.
- You need to be aware that there is one main decision that you will have to make at some point - should you stay or should you go?
- Remember that you are the one who has to live with your decision, not anyone else
- Get some advice on what to do next, preferably from someone who’s been in your situation so understands how you‘re feeling and what you‘re going through
If you seriously want to learn how to survive infidelity here’s what you must do next...
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Doug and Chris Young are Relationship Coaches who really can walk the talk, having survived infidelity in their own marriage and come out of it much stronger visit