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Mother's Day is a time to honor the most important woman in our lives ? even if it didn't always feel that way.
When I was 16, I considered my mom a cross between the Wicked Witch and Attila the Hun. She forbid me to do half the things my friends did, and wouldn't let me go to many of the places they went. She controlled, or at least tried to control, every step I made. Whenever I complained (which I did on a regular basis), she assured me that one day I would thank her. When she got fed up with my complaining, she warned that my kids would one day do to me what I was doing to her?being nasty and feisty.
Ever on the alert for misbehavior, my mother set traps for me by asking random questions and carefully watching my reaction. Even though I was fairly good (I thought) at lying to her with a straight face, she always managed to catch me in my lie. Then one day I came home to find her holding a notepad that my best friend and I used to write back and forth to each other during class. As she read our conversations aloud, I couldn't decide whether I should blush or simply pass out from disbelief and mortification.
Needless to say, she grounded me for months after that one. At that point, I swore I would never treat my children the way mother treated me. I solemnly vowed never to set rules, never to make them clean their rooms, and never to limit their time on the phone. I promised myself I wouldn't tell my kids who they can and can't be friends with, and that I wouldn't invade their privacy or embarrass them in front of their peers. Above all, I would never read anything that was clearly not written for my viewing.
Now Who's the Witch?
Ladies, I'm here to announce that my mom was the fairy godmother compared to the mother I turned out to be. In fact, I have surpassed my mother by leaps and bounds. I have made so many rules that I sometimes have to rely on my kids to keep track of them. I not only voice my opinion loud and clear on which friends of theirs I like and which I never want to see, but I make it a point to interrogate each and every one of their new friends and do a "refresher" from time to time on their olds ones.
In other words I turned into the wicked witch of the valley my mother once was, and then some. Moreover, I don't apologize for it. Until my kids are grown up, out of the house and living on their own, it's my job to be the parent, not their best friend. And if they get mad at me, that's a sure sign I'm doing my job right. I would much rather have them get angry at me now for a little while (because I did the right thing) than have them angry at me for the rest of their lives because I failed them as a parent.
As for my mom, I can proudly say that she is now my best friend, confidant and number-one supporter. Ironically, she tells me that I'm too strict, that I yell too much at my kids, and that I often expect too much from them. This from the woman who was ready to crucify me if I arrived home 10 minutes late!
This is also from the same woman who taught me right from wrong from the moment I could comprehend it. Who instilled in me the courage, self-discipline, self-esteem and ability to navigate through life while stepping over the bumps in the many roads I chose to take.
This is from the woman who believed in me when no one else would, and convinced me that I should never take "no" for an answer and never settle for less. Who was always a role model to my friends and I. Who paved the road by showing me what it takes to be a good friend, wife and a mother to my children.
This is from the woman who is never too tired to listen or help, and is more than willing to be there for any news that comes my way. Who is the only person on earth who can still look me in the eye and tell me that I'm out of line and had better rethink my actions.
Mom, you are my hero. Thank you for all the love, care and guidance you offer, for all the wisdom you provide, and for making me the person I am today.
I Love You Mom. Happy Mother's Day!
P.S. - Regardless of your current relationship with your mother, take the time to honor your mom this May 13th. And remember, now it's our turn to be there for them.
Yana Berlin - Founder of Fabulously40
lucky you that you are able to realize how your mom shaped your life. My mom and I were there and sharing many things, but she died suddenly without warning and now I will never get back those conversations. I’m trying to pass along stories to my girls so they will have memories too.
While reading I realize that my mom was pretty much the wicked witch in my life-now I realize that I owe an apology. Yesterday my ten year old daughter basically told me that I was overprotective of her, that I want to keep track of her 24 hours a day. I basically looked at her and told her that until she reaches 21 I will be setting the rules as long as she lives in my home. I told her that her grandmother was the same way with me and that I am trying to teach her and guide her. I also told her that she is one of the lights of my life and that I will always be there for her no matter what!!
Teenagers can certainly be trying, I have a 18 year old and a 14 year old. The 14 year old is giving me a run for my money thats for sure, not saying the 18 year old is a angel but she has always been pretty good. The 14 year old is just doing teenager things, but I know for a fact I don’t have to worry about Alcohol or drugs with either of my girls. I have been told by professionals that I have raised them well and they are good girls so I know I am doing well. I hope that someday they will realize that it was for their own good the things I have done and I think they will, I was the same with my mom. I get along very well with my mom she does drive me crazy at times but I love her and don’t know what I would do without her.
I LOVED your article! Thank you for sharing your story. It is good that you realize how great of a Mother she was. I would have given anything for a Mother who cared (not that it was her fault, she was chronically ill most of my life).
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