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Benefits
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Benefits
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This age seems to be a landmark for your love life. You are either happily or unhappily married, in a serious relationship or fishing for the love of your life. Whatever the case may be, when it comes to love many women are lost.
Rena put down another romance novel, wishing for a little of the excitement and passion, that filled Diana's life, the main character in the novel. As she attacked the five loads of laundry in front of her, she thought about Diana's husband who worshipped every inch she walked on. When she looked at her own husband across the dinner table, Rena wondered if there was more to life. His unshaven face, the odd shirt and the ridiculous way he tried to communicate, really bothered her. I am 40 years old, this can't be it, she thought.
Mirjana sat near the phone. On Saturdays she was at the mercy of her new boyfriend Kirk. He cancelled plans as fast as he made them. All dressed-up and ready to go, she was on stand-by. No-strings-attached Kirk was only after a good time, sometimes with Mirjana and other times without her. At the tender age of 40, Mirjana believed any man was better than no man.
Andrea has been single for the past 12 years. She loves her job, her freedom and the ability to design her own life. Should the right man come along great, but if not, she won't suffer. Sometimes she is longing for love, but most of the time she is too busy to worry about it.
Let's face it most women at 40 question their love life. "What if I was married to someone else?" "How did I end up in this stagnant relationship?" "Why do I date someone who uses me?" "What is wrong with me, that I am still alone?" These questions suggest, that we are looking for guidelines. Where should I be, what should I expect and what is normal at this age, we ask? These questions also suggest that many women are victims of societal endorsed shoulds and should-nots. A 40-year-old, never-married woman still raises eyebrows. Heaven forbid if she enjoys being single, there must be something wrong. While there are no definite guidelines that define your love life at 40, here are some suggestions on how to feel comfortable at this age:
As long as you act responsibly and respectful of others, you should live and love any way you like.
If you are married, you should either set an example by being a loving spouse (focussing on loving your husband makes you love him more, even if he is not perfect) or relieve each other form the misery.
If you are dating, you should change your attitude to: the wrong man is worse than no man. Stay away from those who undermine your self-worth.
If you enjoy being single, stick up for your lifestyle. Don't apologize and don't subscribe to the notion that there is something wrong with you. If you do, you loose self- confidence!
If you are unhappy about your love life, change it. Take control and reinvent life, but never slip into the role of the victim. Whether you are single or not, you are responsible for your own love life. As you analyze your love life at the age of 40 you should:
Trust your heart – it will never betray you.
When being disrespected, stop the cycle or get out of the relationship.
Have the wisdom to realize when your partner won't change.
Have the confidence to be happy without a man.
Have enough self-esteem to not settle for someone mediocre.
Believe that you are worthy of a healthy relationship.
Realize that you too must contribute to your relationship.
Know that your happiness does not depend solely on a man.
Have outgrown the temptation to control and manipulate.
Define your life on your own terms, not those of others.
Be true to yourself and cherish your values and ethics.
One final answer to the million-dollar question: Does the ideal love life exist? Yes, if you are the ideal person. Should you settle for less? No, but you should never expect more than you can give!
"The life and love we create is the life and love we live." —Leo Buscaglia
© 2006 Allie Ochs, Relationship Expert, Coach, Speaker and the Author of "Are You Fit To Love?" . Her articles are published in numerous magazines and newsletters. She has appeared on radio and TV. To order her book or to take the Fit 2 Love! Test visit her website at:
For FREE relationship/dating advice visit
Fit 2 Love
I think we all look back on our choices and re-evaluate the choices we’ve made, to see whether they were for the better or for the worse....
Today i look back and am thankful for the choices that i have made, but i know that if there was something that i chose to do that did not fulfill my life i would definitely have to draw attention to the issue and enhance it so that i will be happy in the future.
i have been in a relationship where i allowed myself to be subjected to emotional and verbal abuse thinking that one day he may change if only i’d sacrifice my self and my own happiness. but during this time, my smiles were shallow, i was kinda happy if i saw him happy even if the cost of his happiness was my sadness. he did me a favor by leaving me. at the very least, 95 percent of your guidelines hit me right on the nail. right or wrong, it has validated this crisis that i’m in right now but it’s ok cos another day will come soon and i’ll just keep praying that it’s finally gonna be a day of sunshine and pure joy and happiness. i resolve from now on that my life will be a work in progress and never of deterioration. one day, i’ll smile my happiest smile!
This is my third marriage and I have finally accepted that they won’t change. 95 percent wonderful and 5 percent not, is ok. I often wonder if he would rate me the same as a partner.
Every day is an opportunity to bring us closer or an opportunity to separate us farther.
On this Easter Sunday I am thankful for the gifts and blessings in my life and I continue to ponder and reconcile the things that are struggles knowing that the blessings far outweigh the struggles.
I completely relate to this article and to pureromancelady’s comment. I recently just ended a 4 year relationship, after getting engaged (second marriage for both of us) and living together for a year. I think I knew a few months into our living together it wasn’t for me. Though it took nearly a year to end, and I have the mental work of redefining things for my life newly single terms, it was the right thing for me. I don’t know what the future will bring, but I do know it’s best to be true to yourself first.
I was in a terrible marriage and a dead end relationship after that for years. After finally getting out of both (right at the age of 40) I enjoyed very much being single. I finally called my own shots and enjoyed doing things for me and my way. The funny thing is that after several years of that I have met the most loving, kind man I’ve ever met.
I think it’s important to realize YOU can change things and move along the merry highway of life if things aren’t what you want. Nothing in life is always smooth or perfect, but we should never lower our standards or settle for less!
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