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Money Matters: Keep Your Wallet to Yourself!

By Yana Berlin

Navigating through the world of dating and serious relationships can be like trying to safely maneuver through a field full of landmines.  The problem with us women, though, is we have the tendency to walk right into such explosions, even when the bomb is visible from miles away.

money giveLet's focus on one of the biggest bomb threats: money.  Women and men have very different spending habits; women are emotional spenders, which can lead to poor impulse-control and retail therapy spending sprees to brighten a bad day.  This is a terribly dangerous shopping M.O., as the money doesn't have to be spent exclusively on themselves.  Spending, lending, sharing or promising money to a boyfriend or significant other, mistakenly gives women the illusion that by giving their respective men money and gifts, that they are solidifying the relationship and bonding the man to them.  

The truth is, your money is just that: yours!  Ladies, you don't hold down a job and monitor your credit score for nothin'.  If you want to keep that credit score nice and high, you have to protect yourself from making poor decisions like co-signing for a credit card with someone incapable of qualifying on their own (boyfriend, sibling or good friend—this one is non-boyfriend-exclusive).  

Don't buy your partner a cell phone, car, TV, car stereo system—anything that puts a huge dent in your bank account in the hopes that he'll fall for you harder for your generosity.  If the only way he can appreciate your relationship is by looking at the spending total on a receipt, you should strongly reconsider your commitment.

Propping up a man financially, or somehow improving his life as a result of lavish gifts will not (I REPEAT: NOT) make him a better person and will not strengthen your relationship.  Also beware of men who talk a great game, but don't have anything to back them up.  Loaning wannabe entrepreneur money to kick start his dream business will most likely blow up in your face, because the truth is, if a bank won't approve him for the loan, neither should you!

Lastly, when you and your partner start getting more serious and marriage is not such a distant thought; make sure you have your bases covered.  You and your partner should share financial information, including credit scores, savings approximations and a list of all assets, in addition to debt, its source and quantity, and how you're working on lowering it.  If he absolutely refuses to talk with you about  

1. Money
2. His job
3.    His major expenses, then run for your fiscal life!  

These are not optional conversations; he should have nothing to hide if you two are really destined to be.


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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Sep 19, 2009
    • Next time around, if any, I would definitely have my own account and he has his.  Then we would also have a joint account of which each contribution into and use to pay bills.

      Now I am facing a divorce, it is very difficult to separate assets and much argument are raised of who spent and made more money.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mz. Queen wrote Sep 20, 2009
    • I loved this article. It has been my practice never to give men money for anything, but I slipped up in my last marriage and once again I can’t even afford to see my credit score.

      In all my future encounters I will not ever lend or give or cosign for anyone especially the one who wants to be my man,partner or spouse. As recently as last month a smooth talker talked himself up on a NO and then yes, you guessed it he disappeared. Good riddance.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Sep 24, 2009
    • I may not have much but I’ve always had my own bank account and my own credit. I have my own FICO score that I’m proud of and I learned my lesson years ago not to loan money to a man I just date. I had to take someone to court to recover a $5,000 loan. He told the judge I gave him the money. The judge looked at him and said “then why did you cash a check with ‘personal loan’ in the memo line?” That fixed him and I got my money back.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Paula Bertucci wrote Sep 3, 2010
    • Awesome article....:)thanks!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Diane17 wrote Sep 6, 2010
    • I have been married for 14 years and we have always maintained separate accounts and this has worked for us.  He never balances his checkbook and I’m the type of person who balances her checkbook to the penny.  Regarding bills, well he’s been unemployed for a while so I’ve been having to pay all the bills but when he was working, he would pay certain bills and I would pay others.  He just started working again so hopefully he will be able to chip in for some bills again.

      This arrangement has worked beautifully for us.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dove Clark wrote Nov 8, 2011
    • This is a timeless article! Love makes us do silly things sometimes, especially with our money. Great advice!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nita P wrote Jan 31, 2012
    • my husband and i had joint accounts for a very long time and things worked out well.  we finally have separate accounts which is easier for us to manage our money.  my money goes on expenses for the house  - food, utilities, family needs.  his money is spent on the car, trips for the family, computer purchasing, usually the larger expenses. i have had independence in both money situations.



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