What does your family value?                      By ©Michael Grose 2007



Want to know your family values?



It’s easy. Just step back and look at what your children have in common.



If, for example, your children are generally independent with a strong range of self-help and problem-solving skills then independence is something you value as a parent.



If all your children are assertive and able to speak up for themselves, including your quietest child, then assertiveness and open communication is a core family value.



If your whole gang shows empathy for others who are less fortunate (including your most self-centred child) then compassion and caring is a core value.



A family’s values are represented by the behaviours and attitudes that children and parents live every day. Values are part of the family frame and can’t be separated from other aspects of family-life.



The cores values that you learned in your family as a child usually stay for life. They reach across time and distance and touch you in profound and sometimes disturbing ways years after you think you have ‘grown beyond all that.’



The value of ‘moderation’ rattles around in my adult brain and determines many of my behaviours. It was planted by my mum. I can clearly hear my mother remind me as a child about the value of ‘moderation’ through terms such as ‘everything in moderation’, ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’ and ‘you need to appreciate the little things in life.’  Okay, mum, I get it! Enough!



Currently, Australian schools are required to focus on values education. This is admirable as we need to step back every now and then and reflect on how we give life to those values we hold dear.



However, real values education occurs at home where children spend the majority of their time around adults who are more influential in such matters than teachers. Wise parents then will choose schools for their children that reflect their family’s values.



At a time when schools are asked to reflect on their values it maybe worthwhile as a paren tto reflect on the behaviours and attitudes that you want your children to develop.



Start by completing the following sentence:



I want my children to be: (insert 5 or 6 key behaviours or attitudes)



_______________________________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________________________



If you are in a dual parent relationship then you and your partner may do this together. Alternatively, do it separately and then compare your list. (You don’t have to stick to 5 or 6)



The trick then is to make sure your own behaviour and language as a parent reflects the values you have outlined.



For instance, if independence is something you value you need to make sure that you don’t overprotect or spoil your child.  If tolerance is a core value then you need to make sure you are inclusive of all groups and open to new ideas.



When it comes to values, children learn what they live. This is both scary and challenging for parents. But it is what really matters as values learned in childhood and adolescence are so enduring.





  By ©Michael Grose 2007  for more visit parentingideas.com.au