Do you mommy your husband?
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I couldn’t help but smile reading the CNN article on the topic.
In my immediate circle, few women mommy their husbands, while the other women find it annoying and berate them for their behavior.
Every one is a critic, and the ones that are not are psychologists.
My aunt was famous for praising her husband through out the day and never had to do any house chores in return. It was simply amazing, because it seemed so simple and so effective. As we were growing up all of the girls in the family swore to do the same with their husbands, and hoped for the same outcome. Years later it was painfully obvious that our aunt had a gift that she failed to pass on to all of us.
You need to praise from the heart and preach to the right choir. Some men can not be mommied or praised, while others live for it.
One thing is for sure: that by now we should all know what works for us, and if we don’t let’s listen and learn about what works for others.
Do you mommy your hubby? Do share what works best for you.
Member Comments
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babyboomerbevPlatinumOffline
No, I don’t mommy my husband but I always let him know how much he is loved. I give enough grief so I try really hard to balance everything out in the universe! :)
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SilverOffline
I think sometimes I am “guilty” of the mommy thing when it comes to my man. Maybe that is because I don’t see him that often as he is a couple of hours away. I am a “giver” in relationships, but know there is a fine line when it comes to doing for your man and constantly hovering over him.
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SilverOffline
During my marriage I did ‘everything’ and I mean everything. I cooked, cleaned, did the yard work and took care of the vehicles and errands and eventually our son when he came into our life. My ex brought home the money. He liked being ‘taken care of’ but I don’t know if he was mommied. Some may say so I suppose. He had a mind of his own and we made decisions ‘together’ but I had to keep him in check with spending. We had an expensive hobby in audio that one piece of equipment cost a mere $10,000 so when he was ready to buy another piece of equipment I had to put my food down incase the account didn’t have that much to just spend that large sum. I am not one to like debt or owing. His new wife definitely does not mommy him, he’s got high cholesterol and needs to be reminded of diet and pills. In this way I would be on him. She feels he is a big boy and can deal with his own stuff and I think it’s a detriment but that is ‘me’ (men are babies!). I still ask him if he’s seeing the doctor and taking care of himself….he is after all my son’s father and I would like him to be around for as long as he can. I still care a great deal about him, he was my best friend for 18 years.
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GoldOffline
Okay, I do do all the cooking, which includes toasting his bagel so he can take it (on the fly)w/ the homemade lunch (cookies included)to work. Yes, I do make him dinner every night. But then, he BBQ’s the food I prepare, splits the laundry duty w/ me and then there’s my 2 weekly shots of Enbrel his lovingly gives me every week. So I guess you could say-we aren’t “mommying” each other, we are simply showing our love by “taking care of each other in a loving way”
And yes, after 27 years, it is what works for us.
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SilverOffline
I don’t ‘mommy’ my husband, but I do let him know he is appreciated and well loved. I don’t take things for granted and always tell him thank you even for small things. There is no need to mommy a grown man. Just love and respect them for who they are. John Gray said it best in one of his sermons – ‘Not to be needed is a slow death for a man…’ I try to always remember that.
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SilverOffline
I don’t mommy him. I feel that we have a pretty even share of the workload. He works full time and has a business on the side. I’m home with the boys and have Passionate for Life.com, and handle all of the “issues” that come up, such as sick kids, schools, the house, etc. I do all of the cooking. He helps out around the home.
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SilverOffline
My husband has one “mommy” and my mother-in-law has done a very good job of doing this for over 47 years…I let her “mommy” him whenever she can. There is no way that I would be able to “mommy” him the way she does…I’d be dead within a week! When we were first married I tried…I failed miserably. I realised very early on that this role had already been taken and who was I to try to replace his mother.
I married the man…not the “boy“...though I do love my husband’s boyish charm…but it is the “man” that I nurture with raising him up within the eyes of my children, friends and family. I thank him whenever I can for the job he is doing at work…for without him we would not be fed, clothed or have a roof over our head. I cherish him for supporting, encouraging and stepping aside when needed when it comes to my pursuit of my dreams and desires. I respect and admire his intelligence, ability to logically see the things that my creative mind won’t allow me to see and most of all his strong sense of character and integrity as a man…in my book…my husband is a noble man. I am proud that he is the father of my children AND that my children see that he takes care of himself and stands on what he knows to be true. I will protect him…come to his side when needed…encourage and affrim his actions…but I will not baby him…if he crosses the line/boundaries in certain situations, I will point it out…a mature man knows when he has done wrong…my husband normally doesn’t need to be told…he knows it. I patiently let him go work it out and then I am there when he wants to discuss it if needed. We laugh together, love together, hurt together…grow together. We almost didn’t do this…it was when I stopped being his “mommy” over three ago and saw him for the man that I married and allowed him to be this that our marriage, our family…our lives became much fuller. It took MY mid-life crisis and being on the brink of divorce to open my eyes…to see that this man who could have kicked me to the curb for all the horrible things I had done to him and my children…was indeed a man of strong noble character, who loved me uncondtionally. A man like this does NOT need a “mommy“.
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SilverOffline
In our 25+ years of research with successfully married couples, we have never heard any evidence to support this notion. In the hundreds of interviews representing over 15,000 years of collective marital wisdom, the couples we interviewed reported that they care deeply for and pamper each other. However, we have never had this kind of behavior reported from successfully married couples. There is absolutely no research or scientific evidence to support this article. CNN had to make this stuff up. Only at the end of this article did they get it right with the comments “Bottom line, Schwartz says: A normal amount of nurturing is fine, but to keep a relationship healthy, show your affection in a respectful way. After all, one thing is certain, she says: ‘He doesn’t want to be married to his mother.”
Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
“The Marriage Doctors” and #1 Love and Marriage Experts on Google and Yahoo
www.goldenanniversaries.com
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SilverOffline
There are times when he wants to be Mommied…like when he is sick, but other than that, he takes care of himself and us. When there are kids and pets involved, one can only be Mommy to so many people. Therefore, thankfully, he helps clean, cook and do the laundry so I can have some sanity too. I am a lucky girl!!!!
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SilverOffline
No, I definitely do not '_mother_' my husband. I love him and care for him as he loves and cares for me but we are adults. From time to time we need more nurturing and care but it is a million miles from how I parented my children.
Do you remember Transactional Analysis theory and Parent, Adult, & Child ego states? Start treating your husband like a child he might start behaving like one in your relationship. Who wants that?
I think Doctors Charles and Elizabeth are right, CNN embroidered this story more than a little.
Jane, changingpeople
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SilverOffline
I don’t think I “mommy” my husband. I work from home so I do the laundry and cleaning, so I do make sure he has clean clothes for work.
We share with cooking duties. Typically we will both be preparing dinner at the same time. He takes care of the yard work, repairs, upgrades, remodeling, etc. He also pays the bills.
If he’s sick I will do a little more for him. If I’m sick, wait I’m not allowed to be sick…scratch that.
About this author
I’m a proud mother of 4 wonderful children and a wife to a wonderful man that I adore.
My oldest daughter is 20 and the youngest 15. As all of my friends began going through all sorts of changes with their bodies and mind I took it upon myself to create this community of wonderful women who share the same goals, dreams, issues and fears. If we continue to help one another through exchange of information, nourishment and support, we will own the world.
My goal is to connect women all over the world to communicate with each so they can experience the same support and guidance as I continue to receive from my girlfriends.
Yana's Journal
- Raising Great Teens Posted on Tuesday, May 13, 2008
- A Mother’s Job Is Never Done Posted on Wednesday, May 7, 2008
- Do you mommy your husband? Posted on Saturday, May 3, 2008
- While I was eavesdropping I couldn’t help overhearing. Posted on Tuesday, April 29, 2008
- Look at what people are saying about Judy Davids and her book Rock Star Mommy Posted on Monday, April 28, 2008
