MY LATEST ISSUE: UNINVITED FACIAL HAIR!

One of the tricky things about facial hair is that you have to put on your reading glasses to see any protruding signs of testosterone. And when you have your reading glasses on when you look in the mirror, well…let’s just say…depressing (and that’s even after Botox, Juvederm and Retina-A!).

A couple of months ago I went to one of those quickie Vietnamese nail salons where the women are wonderful but don’t speak a word of English. There’s always a lot of nodding and smiling going on.

While I was getting a manicure, the technician suddenly leaned across to me and stuck out a very long bony finger. She was pointing to something on my face saying (in a loud voice in the crowded salon), “L O O O N G H A A A A A A I R!
L O O O N G H A A A A A A I R!”

I had no idea what she was talking about, so I just sat there nodding and smiling.
She became impatient with me.

“NO, YOU HAVE L O O O O O O N G H A A A A A I R!” pointing to a mole on my face.
OMG!

I suddenly felt like a 7th grader who’s been humiliated because she can’t yet fit into a training bra and the pubescent pimply boys are pointing and snickering and muttering something about being a “carpenter’s dream” (fine, that was me but it’s too painful a memory to talk about).

As I realized she was pointing out a very long hair that had appeared out of a lovely fashionable mole on my face (much like Cindy Crawford’s), I was horrified to see every head in the place turn in my direction.

I turned a nice shade of bright red which fortunately matched my nail color perfectly.

“YOU WANT GOOOOOOONE? YOU WANT WAAAAAAAX?”

The crowd leaned forward in great anticipation.

“Well, uh, sure, snicker snicker, okay, yeah that sounds good.”

Fortunately, I was whisked quickly into a secret back room where hot cruel wax was slathered on my face and a form of torture never felt before performed ten minutes later.

The good news is that I left with beautiful nails and a hairless face (although still red).

Now I have a new obsession and have purchased a small mirror and a razor I keep with me at all times. Guess I won’t be flying anytime soon.

Mary

Mary,

“Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on……………….WOMEN!!”

Your Long Hair story was pathetic but funny. Now I have some options regarding gifts for your next birthday…either a year’s worth of gift certificates for upper-lip waxing or a brand new razor.

WHO KNEW this would be the next shoe to drop as far as hormone harassment and I am sure it doesn’t stop there; we are now on the receiving end of everything we NEVER wanted to know about aging.

I don’t have the Long Hair, but I do have the peach fuzz right along the sides of my ever-chubby cheeks. I am sure it can be waxed, but a few snips up the cheek with a small scissor and at least the length is gone. The sides of my face resemble a newborn’s head – round and covered with fine blonde hair.

I know one thing, I don’t want to stand beside my husband every morning and share the shaving cream so whatever they have to give us to STOP UNWANTED FACIAL HAIR…just put it in an IV drip and attach it to my arm…the one that now has hardly any hair at all.

Lorraine