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What Happened To Men? - Breaking Up With A Text Message


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I would like to think that the world of dating hasn’t changed much since my last official pre-marriage date with my darling husband. But, sadly, that is not the case.

Long gone are the days when the man initiated the relationship by formally asking the woman on a date. And whatever happened to the romantic candlelight dinners at nice restaurants that men eagerly paid for? Now it’s Taco Bell and Starbucks, with the woman paying her own way. Men no longer bring flowers to their dates, and courting and gift giving appear to have become ancient relics of the past.

So what has replaced all the romance? You guessed it….the cell phone.

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Nowadays, men text. They text to ask you on a date. They text you the next day to say they had a fantastic time (or not). And they text you with silly sexy messages that are often inappropriate. But if that’s not enough, they even text you to say they are breaking up.

Remember the “Sex and the City” episode where Sarah-Jessica Parker got all bent out of shape because her boyfriend broke up with her on a sticky note? At least he was taking a chance that she might walk into the room, see what he was doing and confront him. Texting is way different.

With just a few taps of the fingers, a text message can literally break your heart. Having several girlfriends that are currently dating, I’m no longer surprised to hear the horror stories of their dates and the behavior of men. No, not all men are created equal. And yes, there are still some gems out there worth your time and attention. The key is to be very upfront and personal and to weed out all those who have lost touch with their pride and their manhood.  

Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t understand any date – first, second or 20th – where a man doesn’t pay for a woman. Yes, I’ve heard all the feminists say how women are equal to men and we should pay our own way and bla, bla, bla.  But that kind of thinking is exactly how we got to where we are today. In fact, feminism has gotten us in all kinds of trouble. Just look at women today—we’re trying to be super mom, super businesswoman, super this and super that. In our quest to be equal, we’re trying too hard to prove that we can do everything that men can do and do it better.

Enough already! We don’t need to compete with men because everyone knows they aren’t in our league.  We know we can do everything men do, so let’s stop trying to prove it to the whole world. Women are women and men are men and let’s not confuse the two. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for strong, empowered women. But at the same time we need to be feminine, compassionate and loving. We don’t need to compete with men; we need to complement them. In order to do that we just need to be ourselves.

So ladies, those of you who have sons, nephews, brothers, uncles, or male friends that are dating, let’s remind them that women want and need much more then a text message. Women need to be courted, cared for and cherished. And if the man can’t deliver on these, tell them to at least call. Or better yet, text their buddy, have a beer, and stay home.

And to all of your female friends, a great suggestion would be to simply disconnect the text option on their cell phones. If men have forgotten how to court, let’s remind them (and ourselves) that women want to be taken care of in the most loving, caring way. From now on, texting is out of the question!

All the best,



Member Comments

    • lsharif wrote Aug 22, 2008

    • I couldn’t agree more with this story! As technology is becoming the integral part of life, it also is forcing some fundamental changes in human behavior… This story is a testament to what is happening out there today and if we don’t take a stand on this and don’t reverse these new habits, us as well as our daughters and sons may never experience romance and love in a way Shakespeare defined it: “I’ll follow you and make a heaven out of hell, and I’ll die by your hand which I love so well.”

      All you women out there, forward this article to your men and single women friends. They will all benefit!


    Reply to comment


    • chocolatier wrote Aug 22, 2008

    • Hi Yana

      I agree with you. Technology, as wonderful as it is, can sometimes make people impersonal. I’ve seen it also used as a vehicle for bad manners. It’s a terrible shame when it’s misused in this way. Thank you for bringing it to our attention.


    Reply to comment


    • bandmom14 wrote Aug 24, 2008

    • Cheers for bringing up this topic!! I’ve watched with puzzlement as both my son and daughter text messages back and forth to their friends and get immediate responses – why not just have dialouge if they have the cell phone in their hand???  The other scenario I’ve seen with text messages has been horrible misunderstandings (because conversation with explanation and an opportunity to ask for clarification is not taking place). This has actually led to the end of a really great friendship my 20 year old daughter had – if they would have only actually talked to each other, they would likely still be friends.

      One way I’ve tried to combat the use of text is to make both my son and daughter pay for there own texting, but it hasn’t been a huge deterrent since they just move on to AIM or Facebook if they fear they are getting close to their texting limit…..

      We need more ideas on how to get our children to learn to communicate in person… how about a National No Texting Day (like anyone under the age of 30 would abide by that!!!)


    Reply to comment


    • talkytina wrote Aug 26, 2008

    • You‘re right on the money with this article.  I am with you – I preferred the days when men worked up enough courage to ask a woman out on a date as it was meant to be in the first place.  Feminist or not, just because we want equal pay and equal rights does not mean we want to be treated like one of the boys.

      As much as I am completely for advanced technology as I have a degree in such – Text messaging does not belong in the romance department.

      It’s great that you have brought up this subject.


    Reply to comment


    • krisvo wrote Aug 27, 2008

    • Now, if we can just get this through my twenty year old daughter’s head. I forwarded this article to her so that maybe she might see that Mom isn’t just blowing hot air on this subject.


    Reply to comment


    • cherylphillips wrote Aug 29, 2008

    • Oh my!! This is something near and dear to my heart! I was in a quasi-relationship like this at one point. It was worse than dating someone who only emailed! The person who texted me also sent me pictures of himself working, working out, washing his car…and so on. It was quite obnoxious. I use a Blackberry so I can always be in touch but I rarely text. When we both knew there was no future in the relationship, he didn’t want to talk about it. However, he had no issue with texting me a good-bye.  

      Two years later, I received a text from him asking if I wanted to come over and visit. I think visit = sex in his language. I never did text back although I was tempted to tell him that he should hook up with former Governor Spitzer and see if he could help him out! :)

      I don’t know what happened to the world of face-to-face. I love technology but I like closure, too. I can’t get it with a text goodbye.

      Cheryl A. Phillips
      The Daily Blonde

      Follow me on Twitter!


    Reply to comment


    • sweetnsassy wrote Aug 30, 2008

    • Unfortunately it seems most everything is based on technology these days and it’s very sad but I have to admit I have texted personal messages like that as well.  I think it helps get the message across better if it’s in writing—- especially with guys.  It makes for a good fasod when your heart is broken and a woman is on the verge of tears!


    Reply to comment


    • kvlaw wrote Aug 30, 2008

    • Great article Yana. Not only is technology being misused to break up with people, it is also very dangerous. Many married people who are having extra-marital affairs are using text messages and e-mails to communicate with their non-spouses. Using technology, all of these text messages and e-mails can later be tracked by the spouse, to the shock and embarrassment of all involved.

      Korol & Velen


    Reply to comment


    • cherylphillips wrote Aug 30, 2008

    • I agree with both of the last two comments. As a woman, I know I tend to get emotional and very wordy when I am upset. Texting can help a bit…but email does not. I can go on and on with email in the past have regretted pushing “Send“. Text is shorter and to the point but it does get so non-personal.

      As far as the legalities…it sure could make for a messy divorce or relationship since so much can now be tracked.  

      I miss the face to face that used to be…..

      Cheryl A. Phillips
      The Daily Blonde

      Follow me on Twitter!


    Reply to comment


    • whatscooking wrote Sep 1, 2008

    • this has got to be today’s equivalent to a Dear John letter via snail mail-disgusting to say the least.  Cowards.


    Reply to comment


    • mom4boys wrote Sep 1, 2008

    • I am glad I am married dating seems tuff


    Reply to comment


    • voila2008 wrote Sep 2, 2008

    • Texting or emailing.  Both leave much to be desired when it comes to communication.  I truly believe that if you have something important to say, it MUST be done in person.  At least a phone call.  

      You cannot hear inflection nor see body language when using text or email.  

      I too believe that using this medium or our phone to end a relationship or something else important, is disrespectful, both to ourselves and to the other individual.

      Just one woman’s opinion :)


    Reply to comment


    • dave wrote Sep 2, 2008

    • Wow, was this ever a pile of awful.

      No, I don’t remember ‘that episode of Sex and the City‘.

      If you‘re with a guy who thinks it’s acceptable to break up via text message, odds are that wasn’t the first sign that this particular guy wasn’t the man of your dreams.

      The way this is written, you’d think there was a national epidemic of broken hearts due to text messages. Sadly rooted as I am in the real world, I’m here to tell you that unfortunately this just isn’t the case. It’s a tiny minority of men deficient enough in empathy and emotion that they consider dumping-by-text a convenient solution for ending a relationship. This is no doubt the same kind of guy who the paddling-pool-shallow characters of your precious Sex & The City show would go for each episode, and be routinely disappointed by their piggish idiocy and inconsiderate nature, nurtured by being good-looking enough to attract the attention of enough fawning girls to make dating a casual distraction. If women were smart enough (or raised smart enough) to know a bad thing before it becomes an awful one, being dumped via text message would likely never become an issue. What with the ‘emotional sensitivity’ and ‘sharing and caring’ qualities of the fairer gender, you’d think they’d be able to tell whether they‘re currently dating an uncaring douchebag or a half-decent man who wouldn’t even consider the option of not having a serious discussion face-to-face. If you go out with jerks, you deserve to be jerked around to a degree.

      I find it nothing short of sad that you took a gobbit of popular culture, a modern novelty given to us by recent technology, and turned it into (an absolute turd of) a rant about the fairer sex and the evils of inconsiderate men. Are you chasing a word count, or did your brain just push out a particularly bitter fart?

      How ironic that you warn of the ‘dangers of feminism’ whilst also holding so firm to the very tenets of feminism which might cause men to cease taking the noble movement in a serious vein – casual one-upmanship.

      I’m not even going to comment on the facetious ‘men aren’t in the same league’ comment, which was as laughable as it was ironic. ‘Super-businesswoman’ and ‘Super-mom’ are NOT examples of feminism – they are examples of feminism TAKEN TOO FAR.

      As for the whole “man should always pay for a woman when on a date” thing, I’m afraid you might have to come out of that rock you’ve been under since the 60s and use some of that pre-decimalisation currency to purchase yourself a clue. This is not the only way to make a woman feel like she is cared for – and certainly not the best – so why keep forwarding the stereotype? The content and context of the date is endlessly more important than who pays for it. I can’t believe I’m about to type this on an over-40s blog, but… grow up! I have female friends who would vehemently disagree with that anciently outmoded ‘men pay for all aspects of all dates’ school of thought, and they would probably go on to berate you for setting their sex back another 20 years.

      Besides the fact that your central argument is fatally flawed – to my knowledge, the primary users of text messaging in the USA are FEMALE. Whilst here in the UK it is as much a part of daily life as the internet or the mobile phone itself, in the US texting has struggled to take off, aside from within the young female demographic. This is just one factor contributing to the fact that it’s far more likely that a girl would break the bad news to her (now ex-) boyfriend via text than the other way around – most American guys would rather call and deliver the news to avoid the extra keypad work.

      Sorry to jump in here and play havoc with your ‘just for girls’ club – I mean no offence to anybody in particular, and am proud to call myself a sensitive male – but I found this post unfounded and sexist (yes, sexist) enough to warrant some kind of reply. Writing this kind of populist pulp is insulting the intelligence of your readers. I’m also finding it equally hard to work out why and how this terrible quasi-journalism has managed to find its way to my browser. I may never click another link again.

      PS Grammatically-speaking, there is something seriously wrong with the following sentence – a superfluous word, perhaps – see if you can spot it –  “a text message can literally break your heart“.

      Not unless your cellphone is part of your pacemaker, it can’t.


    Reply to comment


    • cherylphillips wrote Sep 2, 2008

    • Sadly enough, some men don’t even want to communicate the final blow. They just fade into the distance with not a word…not even a text. Frankly, I’d rather be texted than not told at all. Something about wondering if the person is dead is a little disturbuing.

      I am positive that more women than men are texting…we love to communicate!!! However,I’ve met my fair share of men who just don’t want to talk  but have no problem sending a text.  

      There is no real “right” answer to this. It’s not like it’s an epidemic crisis but heartbreak is heartbreak…I think it’s best done in person.

      Cheryl A. Phillips
      The Daily Blonde

      Follow me on Twitter!


    Reply to comment


    • ayanda wrote Sep 2, 2008

    • Hey , come get my Best Girlfriends Break up buddy – text messages for him to hear and read when he text’s you. email me at saay_stockton@yahoo.com

      This Sept 5–7 2008 I will only viewing the walk I have to change my venue do to non fund raising efforts but San Diego is my target spot.


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    • ayanda wrote Sep 6, 2008

    • Okay, Ladies
      Let’s say: We stop the technology messing up the romance of dating and start taking charge again. We start off first establishing if you desire to date me I need to be asked in person….send me a card…in the mail….of an invitation to the event or the date…..We have to do like our Victorian women did to stabilize the imbalance. I am taking a course at the CSU about History of Women in America. I am becoming so aware that we have indirectly lost the balance of power that women have fought for this this USA.  

      Okay next BLOG-
      Clues and people who achieved breaking the man or their men from asking them on dates from text messaging or emailing….Okay here’s a CLUE – send him the movie HITCH .

      FROM – The Yogi
      A Real Girl Friends Break Up Buddie or A Real Girlfriends Date Finder or Helper
      I’m the real HITCH

      Oh yeah by the way – No I’m not dating :)


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    • butterscotch wrote Sep 6, 2008

    • It’s sad but entirely true.  As a mom of five young men, I have done all I know to do to instill what some call old fashioned values.  To date both my husband and I are pleased but we can’t seem to out manuever the powerful influence of technology.  Once they leave the nest it’s up to God.


    Reply to comment


    • tikigal wrote Sep 7, 2008

    • Sadly, I was on the receiving end of an Email Dear John letter.  My husband of 20 years apparently couldn’t break the news to me that he wanted a divorce any other way.
      People who choose to end a relationship this way are cowards.


    Reply to comment


    • ayanda wrote Sep 8, 2008

    • Sadly, Even near the end of my marriage and even with new friends that are found we are so reluctant to give the snail mail addresses and home phone lines.
      Not only men but us women are letting text and technology stop our personal touch.
      My children and I have purchased beautiful stationary and even shown them how to go into the card sections of stores to just look around so in hopes there is the day they want to be personal and add that romantic touch to communicating when you think the person might be – MAD or SAD or JUST ready to SLAP your face.  

      No, when they leave the nest we as the main Women in their life have to keep it established. I have my sons court me. They have to look for those silly cards and things in store to persuade me to go somewhere or take them out….so at the near end of the marriage MR. [TBD] soon to be Ex- spouse learned to come in the door with a plant or a card or both and ask me in person to go to the movies or out to eat….so when we stand our grounds and make a stand.  

      So Ladies, Mrs. Pettigrew movie gave me some clues…..

      Do this : Send him a card in the mail to ask him to the movies or an event or just to say Hi, even if you live in the same house….maybe he will get the clue….Tell me how it goes.
      Quick emails to me
      saay_stockton@yahoo.com
      Thanks Ladies – Let’s hear back form some attempts.
      Oh before I go “Do anyone remember the HAllMARK commercials, when she looked on the back of the card?


    Reply to comment


    • ayanda wrote Sep 8, 2008


    • Here is my main courtship specialist. His name is Amin-Malik, he is so fine ! Yes, he is my son. He can take one look at a woman and see she is not doing well because when we spend our time together I make reference to how I want him to communicate with me and other women because when you communicate in a way a person would feel affection and love or devotion then you reap the sweetness even when you think they may be sour to your presence. So when he wants me to go take him somewhere he goes into those stacks of $1 stationary cards we previously purchased and he sends it to me and my daughter has copied me in sending notes.  

      We all write notes around the house and post it notes and even when his girlfriend attempted to break up over the phone he ask to meet her in person to make it final.  

      He respects the fact that technology should never replace the face.  

      So in hopes now after hearing my story, Have those that jumped out the nest when they show up at your door have flowers “JUST BECAUSE” you my LADY…send them a card by way of snail mail.

      That’s what my son calls me – His Lady.  

      For those cowards- GLAD they did it that way…why waste a good dozen of roses for beating him over the head with them !!! { Yes, I did that !!!}


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    • slatrn wrote Sep 15, 2008

    • How abut those suckers who have internet affairs?


    Reply to comment


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