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Men cheat. Not all men. Or even most men.

But certainly enough men, that the males of the species have deservedly earned their untrustworthy reputation.  But how can you know if your guy is cheating? Obviously, it is difficult to know for sure unless he confesses, you catch him in the act, or his mistress emails you incriminating video proof. But if you suspect your significant other is involved in extracurricular carnal cavorting, there are a few obvious clues to look for.

1) Your guy has always been less than a stickler about his appearance, but suddenly he is moussing, moisturizing, and actually using that nose-hair trimmer you not-so-subtly gave him as a stocking stuffer three years ago.

2) You always believed he would need a GPS device to even find your washer and dryer, but lately his desire to launder his own duds has been verging on obsession.

3) Despite the fact that he is an habitual morning-bather, recently he has taken to showering off the "dirt and grime of the day" before he feels "clean" enough to hit the sheets.

4) You know that your husband uses credit cards for absolutely everything, yet your current bank statement shows numerous ATM withdrawals and cancelled checks made out to "cash."

5) The horn-dog you married never passed up a chance to grope your goodies at any opportunity, yet lately sex seems to only happen when you initiate it.

6) And on those occasions when sex has been on the menu, his standard technique seems to be ever-so-slightly refined.

7) He has never been particularly verbal in his affirmation of his feelings for you, but these days the phrase, "you know I love you," seems to guiltily escape his lips more often than, "I'll have another Heineken."

8) You have crossed your fingers and held your breath for years, hoping he would remember your birthday or anniversary with even a card, but for the last several months he has given you "just because" gifts with increasing frequency.

9) The man who usually gives three-word responses to your questions about his day, now regularly gives you excruciatingly detailed information about his daily itinerary.  When guys give too much information, something is definitely askew.

10) The number of "work-related" calls he has to take has increased dramatically.  

It is important to note that any of these changes in his behavior or activities could be completely innocent. And his engaging in even two or three of them might also mean he is hiding another, very different secret from you - like planning a surprise party, learning to ballroom dance, or carrying out contract hits for the mob. If, however, more than half of the above list sounds all-too-familiar, chances are good that your hubby is dipping his wick elsewhere. And though this revelation may understandably upset you, do not blame the messenger. I am merely trying to enlighten you. And remember, you can always still choose to live in denial. I mean, your birthday is coming up, your guy has always been light on his feet, and killing for money beats being unemployed, right?

If you have any questions about men, relationships, dating or a related topic, please feel free to email them to me at: david@EveryManSeesYouNaked.com. I will try to answer as many as I possibly can here in my column. If you are interested in a more comprehensive compendium of musings on the male mind, check out David's [Link Removed] 

(C) 2009 David M. Matthews.  All Rights Reserved.


Davidmmatthews, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Minishoes1 wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • My ex-husband cheated with one of my good friends. As I look back now, The signs were there but I think I was in denial and didn’t want to know. That was 7 yrs ago and I am thankful I am with a real man that wouldn’t cheat.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Tweety007 wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • All men cheat, some just haven’t got caught yet!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • No, (tweety 007) ALL men do not cheat.....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne Lyken-Garner wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • I agree with all of these, since I wrote an article very similar to this one.  

      Sadly, like you said, men cheat. However, the female of the species do too. I suppose women also have sneaky ways of trying to hide the affairs.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Pattig wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • I think most all men do cheat, and maybe women too.  If you stick your head in the sand you can convince yourself it’s not true.  If it happens to you and you have the balls to talk about it, you’ll find that almost everyone you know has done it or is doing it....sad but true!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tweety007 wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • thanks for agreeing with me Pattig, sadly but true and I wish it wasn’t.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Browneyz wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • Why bother committing if you are going to cheat...I guess that is what irritates me so much!  Men and Women are both guilty of it.  Liars and cheaters always, always get caught!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tweety007 wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • yes they do, maybe not right away but eventually they do



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tweety007 wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • These are just my opinions and I respect everyones opinion.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mamab wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • I just found out that my husband started to reach out to past female friends/female acquaitances via email/facebook/text messages and found disturbing information that I consider cheating, not physically (at least not yet), but mentally.  How can I truly know that when he says it was just “flirting” wasn’t an invitation to have something happen?

      I have this feeling that there’s something more he’s not telling me.  How do I get to the bottom & and know the truth about his “flirting“.

      Don’t know what to do.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Browneyz wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • Facebooking, texting, IMing and e-mailing have the potential to lead to infidelity.  It also depends on what type of comments are being shared.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tweety007 wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • start reading,and ask her thru his email and facebook



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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Pattig wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • Emotional cheating is still cheating...remember Madonna and ARod?  When you‘re saying I love you and my wife sucks and I hate my marriage (or whatever BS they say) and sharing things with someone who is NOT your spouse when you shouldn’t be, it’s CHEATING!
      In my experience you have to dig and find all the evidence yourself because they will NEVER voluntarily tell you anything! They live by the moto that if you don’t find it, it never happened! I almost always busted my husband by checking his cell phone during the night or after he passed out from drinking....the texts would always start flowing in then (I go to bed earlier than he does, consistently)....if you can access his phone bill online you will probably find out for sure.
      WARNING:  Be ready to find things you don’t want to know....it was very difficult.  I think I threw up when I realized it the first time....so sorry :(



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Tweety007 wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • Be ready it’s going to be quit a blow, but you need to know



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Genya2371 wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • IT‘S ALL TRUE. i JUST HAD A CONVERSATION WITH MY GIRLDFRIEND YESTERDAY, WHO FOUND HER HUSBAND CHEATING VIa SKYPE, E-MAILS AND FACEBOOK....It’s very sad, but it happens rather frequently.frown



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Browneyz wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • It is unfortunate but I just heard on the t.v. that 90% of all men cheat.  This was mentioned regarding the Tiger Woods “affairs“...which I must say...came as quite a surprise.  You just never know what goes on behind closed doors.  I do believe that cheating is the lowest form of disrespect that you can do to your significant other, but what is it that makes someone want to stray?  Are they unfulfilled in their relationship?  Are they unfulfilled within themselves?  I have often asked this magical question with no avail.  Does anyone have the answer to this?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Pattig wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • Who knows what the answer is...they themselves (the cheaters) can’t even answer it....



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Lilwhitedaisy wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • Wow this is very negative, so if 90% of men are cheating then 90% of women are cheating.! So if you THINK that men are cheating WHO are they cheating WITH! YOU? I am lucky to be married to one of the remaining 10%, and he is lucky to be married to me. NOT ALL MEN CHEAT, and to make the statement that they do is wrong. It is sad that some men do cheat, but it is sad when some women do too. If you cant be faithful you shouldnt be married PERIOD.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lilwhitedaisy wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • that should read 90% of men....pc problems!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • Sorry, but NOT ALL MEN cheat! We agree again Annie!! lol
      And I would love to know who does the ‘surveys’ on TV of the men that cheat.

      Some men AND some women cheat. Mostly it is due to their own issues and has nothing to do with the person they are cheating on. Poor character, etc.

      I feel sad for those who really think all men cheat. How can you ever trust any man you are with? And if there is no trust, how can there be a loving relationship.
      IMHO



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Frannie1964 wrote Dec 4, 2009
    • If ALL men cheated, there would be Billions of unhappy women out there and nobody would trust anyone. Why even get married or have relationships If ALL men cheated.

      I agree with Tracy, some men cheat and some women cheat. But I wouldn’t go as far as saying All men do.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jennifer Scranton wrote Dec 5, 2009
    • I was married the first time for 25 years. He started a online affair with a female friend of ours. He kicked me to the curb and married her.
      I have been with my current husband for 10 years married 6 of those.
      He started reconnecting with collage friends on facebook. He is now having a affair with his collage flame. Still saying that I am crazy, I am imagining it ..... We are getting a divorce.
      There are problems in our marriage but nothing that is not fixable. Facts are facts and he does not love me.
      I have lost everything from my husband to my house.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Dec 5, 2009
    • This infuriates me when the media, talk shows, magazine articles, etc..assumes and makes rash judgments on everyone.  I agree with Annie, Tracy, Dianne and Frannie..and I resent the fact that because of a few “bad apples” that good, decent, loving, trust-worthy men are being chastised...again, if you don’t trust or can’t be trusted, then live alone.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 5, 2009
    • AMEN Mayra!!!! heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Esther Bloom wrote Dec 5, 2009
    • Oh mztracy you just have a fab hubby we all know that!!!!! He is a gem. (I did meet him)You are very fortunate to have a man like him and I wish there were more like him. Happy Holidays to you and yours XXXOOO foxehop



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Allinet48 wrote Dec 5, 2009
    • I don’t believe 90% of married men cheat just as I don’t believe everything I hear on TV. Blanket statements are true only when all men have been asked and answered. Maybe I’m fortunate- I believe my husband has been faithful for nearly 30 years. And no I didn’t see it on TV. Media usually goes with the sensational factor.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Dec 5, 2009
    • Saying that “all men cheat” is an unfair a statement.  You simply cannot make a blanket statement like that, with any accuracy, about a gender, a race, a religious group, or a species.  Integrity, character, moral fiber, life experience, emotional stability...all these things contribute to a person’s ability to cheat.  Yes, it’s an ABILITY or an inability...not a pre-destined behavior determined by gender.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janey07 wrote Dec 6, 2009
    • I think men with a lot of money, power and a very Type A personality are more likely to cheat.  If you took all cheaters and profiled their personality, you’d find that most of them fall into the above category.  Men with huge egos cheat if they can.

      As for women, I suspect the percentage is lower.  I think many married men cheat with single women.  I know that some married women cheat but not nearly as many as men.  Women cheat for different reasons and until recently, it wasn’t as easy for them.  

      I think there are also some men (not a large percentage) but some who would never cheat.  If you have such a husband consider yourself blessed!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Dec 6, 2009
    • David thx for the notes! I’m pretty sure I don’t keep my head in the sand and I am not above taking a contract out on my hubz if I found out he was cheating. Now with that being said I am amazed at some of the comments here by the ladies. I don’t think ALL men cheat. I do think ALL men are wired to cheat if they could (reasons are all different for NOT cheating) do it.
      I think I will have this discussion later with my hubz....



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Darlene Sabella wrote Dec 6, 2009
    • I have lived on this Earth a long time and in my option a man will cheat if the opportunity comes up.  Many men have two worlds.  I love this article my friend, and I hope you find time to look at my posts.  Have a great daytongue out



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Dec 6, 2009
    • I don't think all men cheat ..... I just think it's sad to think that way.
      My husband did cheat and yes looking at that list I could tick off around 8 of them – it was the fact he came home from a bar and smelt freshly showered and his hair was still damp was the biggest give away ...... then him going missing for 72 hours just before Christmas Eve was the final straw ..
      But may parents have been married for over 50+ years and I know my father has never cheated and my cousins etc; are very happily married for years and I know their hubbies would never cheat .. so to make a general assumption on this subject is wrong in my eyes



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Melody Doran wrote Dec 6, 2009
    • I have two exs that cheated on me. In return I cheated on one of my exs . I wish that I would have never done that. I for gave my self but my ex never for gave me. He would say that he was going a friends house and not come back for days. He was always drinking that was a big turn off. I’m glad that he is out of my live. I’m with a guy now that takes care of me. I know that he wont cheat on me and wont cheat on him. We are both in love this the feeling that I have ever had. It is so nice to be cared for and loved.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 6, 2009
    • This whole blog is really sad.

      Not all men will cheat even if the opportunity arises.  

      Maybe this should be called the ‘she-woman mens hater club‘.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Janey07 wrote Dec 6, 2009
    • I think most men if given the opportunity will cheat.  If a fairy godmother came down and said to a man..I will give you a hot blonde for a night and no one will ever ever ever find out...I would venture to say that 98 percent of the men would go for it.  The other two percent...who knows?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Melody Doran wrote Dec 6, 2009
    • I’m in therapy now it has helped. I know what watch for in men. I wouldn’t ever cheat again two wrongs don;t make it right. Now I have found my mr right I’m happy and madly in love.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Dec 6, 2009
    • Well If a fairy god mother gave a man a hot blonde to have his way with her and no one would ever find out..Thats a given...lol, and I am sure If the fairy god mother gave a woman lets say (Gerard Butler, George Clooney or Johnny Depp) and said you can have your way with him all night long, I’m pretty sure that woman would. Come on, lets get real, theres no fairy god mother.

      Some men are just EASY! and so are some women, so why dog on all the men as If there the only horn dogs around.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Dec 6, 2009
    • I agree with MzTracy...this blog IS sad.  The tips on what to look for is one thing, but the overwhelming opinion that all men will cheat if given the opportunity is pitiful.  

      While i believe that there are PEOPLE who will and do cheat, i truly believe that there is a good percentage of morally sound individuals whose primary concern isn’t other people knowing...it’s THEM knowing what they did.  Guilt is a heavy burden and some have the moral fiber and good sense to conduct themselves in a way that will not compromise their opinion of THEMSELVES...for in the end, isn’t THAT the one that always counts?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 6, 2009
    • We have left reality!! lol There are no fairy God mothers. As my husband said regarding this blog, then why the f—k get married. He is really offended by this.

      It is offensive too. I am sorry for the women who have been hurt, I have too. There comes a time when we let go of the bitterness and move on. I realized my non trust and nagging helped to add to my bad relationships. When I grew up and found a man with the same morals as me, that was it!

      My husband is not a cheater and will not cheat. I do not care if he had the opportunity as after 16 + years of marriage I know him. We were best friends before we got married. He never cheated on any of his gf’s before me. It is not in his nature.  

      I believed this ridiculous idea for years, and was very sad and had bad relationships. When I finally learned trust, life was and is much better. I hope for those who really feel this way, one day you will find peace and then maybe you will find true happiness.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 6, 2009
    • oh, and btw, i had the chance with a very attractive man when engaged, and turned it down. It’s not in my nature either!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Dec 6, 2009
    • Not all men cheat!!! My husband has had many opportunities to venture and I can tell you he hasnt.  To make a blanket statement that ALL men cheat is just so irrational.  It definately is NOT TRUE!!!

      xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Dec 6, 2009
    • I know many men that have never cheated on their mates. I married a good man and thought that he would never cheat on me.  When he hit mid-life his self-esteem became an issue. He had an affair.  He is a good man but made a terrible decision. I had to move out of my bubble and accept my husband as a human being rather than a hero on a white horse.  We all make mistakes or decisions that we regret, we ask forgiveness and grow and change.  That is the cycle of life.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Browneyz wrote Dec 7, 2009
    • I think we should put this topic to rest!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mamab wrote Dec 7, 2009
    • @Genya2371....I’m curious to know what your friend did after she found out about her husband’s extra marital affairs thru facebook, skpe, etc...?

      I have come across the same senerio w/my husband not too long ago and I’m just at a loss as to what to do next.  Obviously, the trust factor is out the window and I’m having a difficult time moving on.

      I have seen emails, text messages & pictures as proof from my husband’s email acct & have forwarded them to my own personal email as back up (he has recently deleted any incrimminating evidence from his disgusting & inappropriate behavior).



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Minela22 wrote Dec 7, 2009
    • I believe men cheat went the relationship is not working. And they don’t know how to get out.  Unfortunate is the same for the woman.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Eva2 wrote Dec 7, 2009
    • I wish that I had pictures, email,or some physical record of my husbands’ philandering. I disagree with the above comment. I offered my husband a way out and he said he did not want a divorce.  He said,“He loves me and wants to grow old with me.”  He denied everything. He knows how to get out, he just doesn’t want to get out, that is why he lies and covers his cheating up.  I even offered to have an open marriage and he said he definitely would not want that.  Where is he not getting a chance to get out?  Our children are adults, I will just split everything down the middle and go my way.  He knows that I would not want any money other than what is my fair half. He is not trapped, he doesn’t want to leave. As an adult he is able to make his choices.  I think that it is easier on the “other woman” to believe that he doesn’t know how to get out rather than believe that he just doesn’t want to get out.  My husband actually had one woman believing that I was the one that wanted a divorce and was ignoring him! After she got to know me she found out that he was lying to her and she got out.  That is why it is so important for the man to keep the woman apart - because they will figure out the truth and the man is exposed to both women for the liar that he is.  (or woman is that is the case.)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tweety007 wrote Dec 9, 2009
    • everyone has their own opinion



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Dec 18, 2009
    • My husband is a serial cheater.  You left off some important clues to look for.



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