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I am not sure why but it seems like life is always throwing me curve balls...if it’s not one thing it’s another and I really am growing tired of it.

2010, when I think back wasn’t too bad...had a few (quite) a few minor set backs. But, when I think about it...they weren’t so bad...I am a strong person and can and have gotten past anything thrown my way.  

Having said that, it does get tiring...having to deal with all the crap I have had to deal with...problems with family, kids, and health seem to be never ending...my way of dealing with such things is to shy away from everyone in my life...keep to myself and in my own time I am usually back to normal.

The last thing I wanted to deal with was a death in the family...but that is exactly what I have had to deal with. And the unexpected suddenty of it really threw me into a spiral that I just couldn’t get out of...I am still feeling the after affects of it.

One minute I am happy and excited about the holidays and next I hear the news of my ex (still legal husband) has had a fatal heart attack...sure threw me for a loop...We had been talking on the phone the past few months and were actually planning on reuniting after the new year...So hearing of his death not only shocked me but left me numb.

I quickly made arrangements to go to Winnipeg for the funeral...I really didn’t want to go alone so I asked the girls if they wanted to come and was happy that they agreed to accompany me...without them there I know I would not have made it.

So off to Winnipeg we go...Miranda, Melissa (baby Liam) and I. It was great to finally meet and hold my grandson Liam...and as usual it was the awesomest feeling...One thing for sure...I love being a Gramma! Now if only I could have a granddaughter...Any volunteers (to Miranda and Mel)?

Met up with some old friends of Wayne and mine from back in the day...Was great to see and reconnect with some of them. I also met the woman that he was currently living with (will have to explain that situation at a later date)...and lastly met up with his adult children and their mother (another story that i will have to explain at a later date).

I arrived at the viewing with my girls...everyone was there...I can just hear the whispers behind my back but at that moment I didn’t care...legally I was still his wife...and still loved him and had every right to be there. My girls had to take me up to the casket as I knew if I went alone I’d fall over...and sure enough, I almost fainted when I first saw him. I can still feel exactly how I felt at that first moment of seeing him...I stayed with him for awhile and then went to sit down. But before I went to sit I layed one single rose in the casket near his heart.
The next day, I had one final look at him before they took him away to be buried...and what to I see? Four additional red roses...it might be a petty thing but it kind of pissed me off...I knew who put them there and it hurt me cause she was trying to take my private little moment with Wayne away from me...But I didn’t let it show...I was not going to give her the satisfaction of letting her know that she got to me...besides all that mattered was that I loved Wayne and he loved me and nothing was going to take that from us.

As soon as it was over we left and at once headed to the bus depot for home.

So that was the end of my 2010...not a very happy ending. But with every ending comes new beginnings and that is what 2011 is all about...New beginnings...Life goes on and I must go on...I know deep in my heart Wayne would have wanted that...so here I am...in 2011 and oh so looking forward to it...because something happened to me...not sure what...but something did...and I can honestly say that for once in my life I am looking forward to something...So 2011...Here I come!

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