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For those of you who were expecting a column on that Southern California tourist spot known as Disneyland, I'm afraid I have bad news for you. This article will contain no mention of the Monorail, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, or Pirates of the Caribbean (other than the one immediately preceding, of course). No, this is a tribute to another popular attraction that is, in fact, every straight man's number one favorite destination...your own Magic Kingdom - your vagina.
As far as most men are concerned, the moist furrow between your thighs is what we spend the majority of our free time pondering. The pursuit of it gives us motivation to get out of bed each morning (assuming a warm and welcoming "tunnel of love" is not in close proximity), and drives us back into bed, preferably with a partner, at each available opportunity. And while your breasts are a definite pleasant diversion like the Teacups, we came to the park to experience the Matterhorn. It's why no matter how high they raise the admission price, we'll always figure out a way to cough up the cash to pay for our passport to entertainment. And we'll wait in line for hours just for a three or four minute ride that leaves us more than a little breathless.
But why are we so crazy about this particular amusement park? Maybe it's because every time we visit we leave with a smile on our face. Perhaps it's because regardless of how many times we board, the journey retains much of the allure of our very first visit. Or possibly we are just addicted to the exuberant "it's-great-to-be-alive" feeling we have whenever we strap ourselves in and take off. Whatever the reason, your tropical divide is the "x" on our treasure maps, and with virtually no provocation we'll enthusiastically brave virtually any terrain to reach your ground zero. And in this case, if we get lost, we may even stop and ask for directions.
So what does it all mean? Well, for us it means, that no matter how many gadgets distract us (and you know how we LOVE our gadgets); in spite of how busy our lives become; regardless of how much we lose our enthusiasm for everything else in this world, we will never forget that there's a place we can go that will always raise our spirits and keep the spring in our step. And for you it means, despite a shaky economy, a polarizing war, and the threat of global warming, your torrid tourist trap will remain perpetually in demand. Hey, we'll even put on those silly little mouse ears if it'll get us to the front of the line.
If you have any questions about men, relationships, dating or a related topic, please feel free to email them to me at: david@EveryManSeesYouNaked.com. I will try to answer as many as I possibly can here in my column. If you are interested in a more comprehensive compendium of musings on the male mind, check out David's Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think.
(C) 2009 David M. Matthews. All Rights Reserved.