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After 5 weeks of stressing, it’s almost here and I’m a Litter Nervous (that Chinglish for Very Scared). But I can’t believe any thing is worse than the waiting - so let’s get to it.  

Today I go to Denver to get some Dye shot in my boob. Tomorrow morning they’ll take that boob (and the other) and check the lymph nodes by locating the radioactive dye. And from that, I'll finally learn what other delectable treats they have in store for me.  

If I would post a picture of my current boobs, you’d understand I’m not all that devastated by this part of the journey. I’m going to write “This One” on the Left boob - and “Please take this one too” on the right. Once I put a scale on the counter & weighed my boob. It was over 8 pounds, and that's just the part I could weigh. So I'm thinking I'll be home Saturday a svelte 20 pounds or so lighter, and with much better posture.  

From some random comment on Fab40 the other day, I met a gal that was 1 year into it. We talked on the phone and she was awesome. She shared her experience (and her photos) and was more that willing to address any hideous or ridiculous question I had. She had only one request, and that was that some day, I pay it forward. A stranger reached out to her when she was new, and now she is doing that same thing for me. After our chat, I felt calm and powerful again. I hope that one year from today I will be in a position to do the same for someone else, and that my attitude and outlook is as amazing as hers. This is exactly how the Breast Cancer Support Network has grown to what it is today... sisters helping sisters through the process.  

I know it's odd for me to post this here as most of you are complete strangers – but somehow that makes it safe. My inner circles of family/friends are all scurrying around like scared little rabbits, and they all need lots of comfort & reassurance... exhausting, really. Here, I can just say what's on my mind. (Right now I'm thinking about doing a load of laundry so my favorite jammies are clean when I get home.)

Honestly, there is no closet in which to hide, and I'll take all the Love, Light & Prayer I can get.... Think Clear Nodes & Clean Margins. That's what I'm looking for – and some perky new jogging breasts.  

I'll update next week, but if I'm on the Percocet... well, I'll apologize in advance. I’m thinking of having my husband hide the camera until I come down.  

Love & Light

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Member Comments

    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote May 27, 2009
    • You will be in my thoughts and prayers......



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote May 27, 2009
    • I hope all goes well, I totally understand the whole “My inner circles of family/friends are all scurrying around like scared little rabbits, and they all need lots of comfort & reassurance... exhausting, really.”  

      That whole shot in the boob scares me so I can only imagine what you must be feeling.

      My circle of friends has no clue what is going on with me, they know something is, but they have preferred to scurry on past...I too feel safer sharing here rather than bogging any of my friends.  

      My thoughts will be with you.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote May 27, 2009
    • You have my prayers.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote May 27, 2009
    • thoughts and blessing are with you!



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote May 27, 2009
    • Jana-GOOD LUCK!! Lots of love to you. Your attitude is what’s going to get you through.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote May 27, 2009
    • You‘re in my prayers. We‘re here when you come home and want some fellowship.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Termite wrote May 27, 2009
    • My thoughts will be with you and I wish you only the best!! Good luck and we will be here when you get home if you need to vent. estatic Keep that smile on your face! estatic



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote May 27, 2009
    • _I'm a Litter Nervous (that Chinglish for Very Scared)_  

      Mmmmmm, have you checked with me on Chinglish yet???? Ha ha...

      Relax, all will be well.  My thoughts and prayers are with you - your Chinglish’s teacher.  estaticestaticestatic



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote May 27, 2009
    • Jana, remain calm and powerful. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
      In your words...“Think Clear Nodes & Clean Margins. That's what I'm looking for – and some perky new jogging breasts.”
      Good luck and hope to hear good news from you soon.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Jana Toohey wrote May 27, 2009
    • Ah ha Chinadoll, so busted. A Litter Nervous comes from my favorite Chinese friend, and we tease her about it all the time.  

      Thank you all for your good thougts... I really really appreciate it. I’m so bummed I can hardly type. I got up early this morning prepared psychologically, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually... just so prepared. They called 1 hour before I was leaving to tell me my surgery was rescheduled to next Thursday. I cried more today than I have the past 38 days combined. Completely devastated. I don’t know how to get that ready again.. though I’m sure I will.  

      But not today. Today, I’m just going to wallow in it. I absolutely believe & preach to my kids that everything happens for a reason, and I’m sure this is no exception - but for today -I’m just pissy!  

      But I still really appreciate your words/thoughts. Want to do it again next week?



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote May 27, 2009
    • WTH??? An hour before!? Nice. Yes, we will be here any day you need us.happy



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote May 27, 2009
    • Wow Jana,

      You sound like an amazing person.  I wish I had half the wit, determination and strength that you have.  

      I cant believe all this “gearing up” and now you have to wait it out another week.  But like you said, there is a reason for everything and everything has a reason.  

      Prayers are for you.

      xoxo



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Tina Sickinger wrote May 27, 2009
    • I understand how you feel frown I would be just as devistated as you are today.

      Tomorrow is another day, though and next week will be here. Stay busy and the time will go by quicker.

      God Bless and I’ll keep you in my prayers.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote May 27, 2009
    • I am here for you now and then....



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Deb Darby wrote May 27, 2009
    • I’m so sorry they jerked you around like that! We know that they have their issues with scheduling and whatever, but I’m sure that’s exactly what it felt like to you. Keep on believing that there is a good reason for your surgery to be postponed. Look for it as you look to Him to give you the comfort and strength you need. Don’t you just love it that we have this place? I pray that you will have peace that is unexplainable, Jana.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Carolnphil wrote May 27, 2009
    • Jana, I was literally scared to death at my first cancer surgery.  I didn’t know if I would make it through surgery.  All of my family circled around my bed before they took me in the O.R.  Everyone held hands and my dad prayed over me.  

      Every time we went to clinic for my chemo treatment mom and I prayed.  I prayed for God to give me peace before my second surgery.  I was able to go into surgery having that peace and it was such a blessing not to worry about the outcome.  

      I pray that in the next week you receive peace of mind about your surgery.  I pray that your surgery is uneventful and recovery is quick!



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Jana Toohey wrote May 27, 2009
    • Well it must be working, cause I’m feeling better.  It was nice to take a few hours off, but, I’m good. I know I’ll be ready again nexxxxxttt week..  

      Thanks ladies - Sister support is a huge & powerful thing, even amongst strangers. Bless you all.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Lori Aksamit-Stickley wrote May 28, 2009
    • Jana, you will be in my thoughts and prayers next week!  (I’ll also keep my fingers, eyes and toes crossed for good measure!)  Hang in there!



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Hbrose wrote May 28, 2009
    • Thank you so much for sharing this. Sometimes its the little things in life that make such a big impact on us, as it did with your phone call from a stranger, yet a friend.

      I admire your courage and strength, but then again we are women, aren’t we?! ..albeit a difficult and concerning time for you. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers. As well I will keep your pay-it-forward friend in prayer too.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mjmurphy wrote May 31, 2009
    • Sorry you got rescheduled, I would just want to get it over with too. Wow, 8 lbs!! it is going to be so much better for you to have that load off. My thoughts will be with you on Thursday!



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