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I’ve never blogged before and don’t have much experience on sites like this, but I feel like I need to connect to women with similar lives, interests, etc. for a sanity check.  

My divorce was final a little over a year ago, though he’s been out of my house for over 2 years. The last several years of our marriage were hell and I now know he cheated on me from the time we met - one affair resulting in a child he has never seen. We have 2 small children together - a 3 year old girl and 5 year old boy. My ex lives with the girl he started seeing when I was pregnant with our daughter.  

I should have listened to my attorneys more instead of trying to just get out and away from him. He pushed me into a shared schedule with the kids to avoid paying child support, but now he only sees the kids 4 days a month. I am responsible for everything, just like when we were married. Aside from the financial impacts, his sudden schedule change has been really difficult for the kids. He doesn’t see how it affects them, but I do and it is very hard to get through it sometimes. I considered suing for full custody, but in my state I have to prove that he is physically abusing them or worse before the courts will change our parenting plan. Before all of this happened, I considered myself a smart woman. But I have learned a lot about myself recently.

Believe it or not, I don’t bitch about this much. I made the decision to marry him and have children with him. I am responsible for my decisions and I am the only one who can make this better for me and my kids. I am lucky that I am able to provide for them and I am determined to let them form their own opinion of their father, without my influence - as tough as that is at times. My parents divorced when I was 8 and they used me and my sister to get to each other. It was so hard (with some lasting effects) - I never want to put my children through the things that we had to deal with.  

Ironically, I am grateful to his girlfriend - she showed up on my doorstep one night and finally gave me the courage to throw my ex out. He’s made most things incredibly difficult, I even had to obtain a restraining order shortly after he left. Everything I’ve been through, from the time we were married, to the shit I had to go through to get through the divorce, has made me the woman I am today. I am determined to make a great life for my kids and NEVER give a man that kind of power over me again.




Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Apr 19, 2010
    • Welcome to fab40...so sorry to hear about your situation...been there. Your babies are young, but you sound smart, strong and very capable. You will do great...and of course there will be ups and downs, but there is a great community of women here on fab that are great at listening and offering advice. estatic



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Apr 19, 2010
    • You’ve come to a good place. Lots of support on this site and a bunch of really wonderful women to interract with. I wish you all the best. I know it’s hard with little ones to balance their care and self care. Reading your blog says to me, though, that you have all the right stuff inside you to come out of all of this incredibly well. heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Apr 19, 2010
    • I am sorry of what you have gone through.  Be assure that a better future is ahead of you.  You will be happier and you will shine and glow.  Do not blame yourself—no one knows how one may turn out towards the end.  You had your best intention and choice at heart when you married him.  You are a good woman and a great mother.. give yourself a pat on your shoulder.  I am giving you an e-pat as well.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dana Cappelletti wrote Apr 20, 2010
    • You are a very strong and intelligent woman.  I admire your tenacity to help your children get through these times as hard as it may be to keep your mouth shut.  They will one day see him for who and what he is.

      Keep surrounding yourself with good friends and support systems.  Your life can be all you want it to be.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Brown wrote Apr 20, 2010
    • I agree with what everyone else has said. Good for you to have the courage to get out now.  I stayed way to long cause I was scared to be out on my own.  I am proud of your courage, independence, and intelligence. Keep up the good work.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Apr 21, 2010
    • You will find so much here at Fab40..we are a group of women who support each other..we share, vent, applaud, laugh and cry..I respect your strength and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, you found it!estatic



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Apr 21, 2010
    • Well said ladies!!
      Welcome to you and good luck!! heart



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