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I don’t know where to start. I guess it all starts with climbing and being outdoors. I love it. I become much more stable emotionnally when I do it. My social network is connected to it. It’s how I keep the weight off while eating everything I want. It’s how I pulled myself out of a very hurtful and depressive chunk of my life.  It how I met my husband. It extended into jogging and cycling with time. In other words, sports were a big part of my life, until last summer.

I had to slow down and by July stop all sports because of abdominal pain. Replaced climbing sessions with doctor visits and tests.  I knew something was wrong, but couldn’t understand what my body was trying to say to me. I kept thinking I was pregnant even though I was taking the pill, but a gynocologist and a blood test denied the fact.Finally, at the end of October,none of the treatments worked, and I still couldn’t shake off the idea of being pregnant. So I went to see another gynocologist and it turned out that I was right: I had been pregnant but the embrio died and my body never evacuated it.  

They put me on drugs to provoke a miscarriage. It didn’t work. They proceded with a surgery. Three days after the surgery I had unbearable  cramps. Complications. I had a second surgery in the same week to take out bleeding parcels.

It took me two full weeks to get over the effects of the sedation. I had serious cramps again two weeks later and they put me on medecine, I kind of very strong pill to start my cycle again. Since then I am better, but it still hurts when I move a lot, especially stairs.  

Two days ago I felt great and for the first time since last summer I really felt strong and healthy. I went to the gym and ran on the elleptical, which I normally do without too much resistance. But this time I couldn’t help myself and I put more than my body weight and ran for 10k. It felt soooooooo good! I also happened to do all my grocery shopping by foot and walked 9k during the day. I felt like I was alive again. I felt the stars were shinnning on me. At last,I could put this unpleasant event in the past and concentrate on the future. I could get in shape again, move on with my life.  

But yesterday morning when I woke up, the pain had come back. I had pushed myself too far. Now it’s been two days I minimize my movements and stay at home most of the time.

Today, I passed by at work to say hi to my co workers (I’m on holiday) and one of them is following a special diet and lost three kilos in the month. I don’t know why, but this triggered a feeling of helplessness. I felt like I was never going to be able to do sports again, I would never lose the extra kilos I gained in the past few months.  

I just want to get on with my life and not be reminded of this anymore. Ironnically, my husand and I had decided that I would stop the pill last fall because we felt we were ready to have children (we had been married for only a year then), so I really have a lot of mixed emotions and fears with what just happened. Anyway, just needed to get it out. I know it just a small bump in the road, but it just got to me today.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day.




Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Feb 12, 2010
    • Oh Dear God I’m so sorry that you went through this. Our medical community sometimes needs to be more sensitive to our thoughts and feelings, especially someone like you. With your level of fitness you are tuned in to your body’s nuances. And it’s your level of fitness that will allow you to recover from this. I do hope that if you need some extra emotional support it’s available to you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Feb 13, 2010
    • I am so sorry for everything that you have gone thru. Sometimes in spite of medicine WE know our bodies better than anyone.
      Hang in there and just take it one day at a time. And keep blogging, that will help!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Feb 13, 2010
    • I’m sorry you have gone through this honey - time will help don’t push now be gentle and yes the weight will come off



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Shaw wrote Feb 17, 2010
    • Wow, that’s so heart breaking but I am glad you are back to exercising. That will help alot with moods.Our bodies are magnificent machines and you will see that you will be back and better than you‘re old self in very little time.

      Be strong..slow and steady wins the race.



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