Hope Restored

For years I've longed to be loved, to look into someone's eyes and know I matter, that my feelings are valid
In the early years of my search I found only heartache, emptiness and shame.
I did things that made it impossible for me to look at my reflection in the mirror
Then I watched as all my hopes and dreams of love died a slow death
Never good enough, always substandard

Then for a brief moment, my hope was restored.
He asked God to bless our marriage and for the first time I felt loved and truly beautiful
But slowly, the liquid poison stole him away and soon he didn't really like anything about me
The way I talked, the way I looked, the way I cleaned, the way I loved, the way I felt
Told I wasn't needed or wanted, I knew he would never fight to keep me and if given an ultimatum the poison would always win
Unable to trust, he laughed at my tears
Gifts weren't given out of love they were used as weapons to put me in my place
Never loved for who I am, but what I do and told that if the "doing" stopped he'd be gone
An anchor in his life, slowly dragging him from his dreams
Always under scrutiny, his watchful eye just waiting for me to fail
Not my friend or confidant, my motivation is fear
Finally giving up the hope of true love and intimacy, I became more comfortable in the company of strangers  

But then he came, my hope, my Savior, my Jesus
He longs to spend time with me and patiently waits
In His eyes I am beautiful, perfectly made just the way I am
He gives his love freely and only asks for my love in return
I don't have to do anything to earn it
He is always there for me, and promises to never leave me or forsake me
Confident in His love for me, I trust him completely and know that I will never walk alone
I feel beautiful again and my hope is restored
My Redeemer lives!

A Poem by: Sandy West
2-26-06