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Aah...

Last week was moving "day" for a certain in-law.  Let me just say that despite having to be in a bouncing Budget 16' U-Haul for 500 miles-both my husband and I were happy to do it.

Thanks to our son, who started the "ball" rolling, my husband's mother is now the "property" of my sister-in-law.  She's in a brand new HUD apartment.  It's a small 44 unit complex filled with 43 other residents who also are very broke.  The apartment is ADA approved.  Meaning it has grab bars all over the bathroom and an emergency pull in both that and the bedroom.

They have a community room with a couple of recumbent bikes and a self-made library.  For some reason, even though the halls have a/c-the units do not, but there are fans in the bedroom and living area.

This move was necessary on several levels:  she had burned every "bridge" there was here, the rent in this area (even though it was government subsidized) was too high and my husband really needed to not have the stress she was providing on a daily and hourly basis.

My sister-in-law didn't realize just how problematic her mother's personality was until she found herself using the word "NO" a lot and within a mere 6 hours of her arrival.  "It's now my new favorite word-I see I'm going to be using it a lot.  I had no idea."

By the time she and our brother-in-law took us to the airport 3 days later, both were thanking my husband for all he had done, what he had been through the last 16 years and realized that it really was their turn at dealing with her antics and extreme personality disorders.

When we were celebrating Father's Day with my side of the family, we were showing a couple of pictures of a winery we toured.  Mother-in-law was in a couple of pictures and our son said, "Look Dad is smiling and now it's my aunt who has the tense anxiety ridden grin on her face."

Our daughter-in-law commented that "Dad, you're looking about 10 years younger!"

It's true.  And it's sad.  Not that my husband's face has a long lost ease to it-that's the wonderful part.  The sad part is that his mother will never admit that she burned so many bridges and that everyone feels that this move was so very needed and welcomed.

In spite of it all-I'm hoping that this clean slate will afford her a new start and she won't do the same things there that she did here.  But at 83, I doubt it.  First you have to admit that you didn't behave as well as you should have and want to NOT repeat the errors.  If you think you're perfect and it's the rest of the world who had the problem, then history will repeat itself.

We did have some fun.  We found this little town called Buttonwillow, which was about 1/3 of the way into our trip.  It had two Motel 6's for some reason.  It also had a couple of other motels, 5 fast food joints and two restaurants.  We stayed at a pretty nice Motel 6 and asked where to eat.  The manager said to go to the BBQ place across the street.

It was pretty retro in d├ęcor-but the food was excellent!  We went back for breakfast and then we went on with the drive.

In Santa Rosa, my sister-in-law booked us into a cute and very retro motel.  There was an excellent restaurant attached to it with an interesting and very foodie menu.  We also had dinner at a nice Italian place and a breakfast at a restaurant that was featured on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives.  There was another restaurant we ate in that was also very good.  One dinner we ate at my sister-in-law's.  Knowing she was tired, we suggested chicken from Costco.

Guess what?  They shop at this bulk warehouse, but had never had the rotisserie chicken!  Once they tried it-they were hooked.

Now that we're back, Steve has several "pins" to stick in his birthday restaurant board that our son and daughter-in-law made for him.  He has a notebook to write the names and places as well.

When pressed by his mother as to when he was coming back or when she was coming to visit, it was my husband who said, "I'm not sure.  We have no idea what we'll be able to afford and remember, we have our daughter and grandkids that come first on our list of who we visit and who visits us."

What I find to be the saddest part?  No one will be questioning us as to when they'll see her next.

Makes me think-am I like this?  I'd better check this out now and make amends.  I don't want either of my children to feel this way about me.

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Jun 22, 2012
    • I’m sad for your husband, Carine. I can imagine it was difficult to grow up with her and, yet, that’s his mom. My own husband has really bad childhood memories of his father and I know it still bothers him today. I hope in the long run he doesn’t suffer any further emotional scars from their relationship.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carine Nadel wrote Jun 22, 2012
    • I hear you Cynthia. my dad, world’s sweetest man had a mother who made MIL look sweet.  and he’s suffered from the treatment through his entire life.

      How can treatment like this (or similar) not effect someone for a lifetime?

      so sad on so many levels.



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