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Abusive Men: Top 10 Ways to Spot an Abusive Man

Abusive men always think there is a reason behind a woman's actions and her words. They see her as only trying to influence. They rarely look at goodness in her. They frequently suspect her of doing things they are not guilty of and are easily irritated by her, especially when she is in  a good mood. These men might feel they love these women but inside they do not "like" them. The most important thing in any relationship is to be respected and liked.  Abusive men always want to show her up and put her down. They thrive on making her feel inferior in everything. The object is to tear her down to make her feel weak, insecure and co-dependent. It is a double-edged sword: a no win situation. The woman spends years trying to prove she’s not bad but it’s useless. No matter what she does, he doesn't care so it is futile for her to try to prove she is worthwhile.  Here are the Top 10 Ways to Spot an Abusive Man.

1. He's got a history of drug abuse and/or alcohol, and possibly violence.

2. He has record of being arrested for domestic violence.  Do your homework and do a background check and search the internet for his name.

3. He has a poor or no relationship with his mother or ex partners.

4.  He speaks negatively about all his past relationships, blaming them fully.  If at all possible, try to speak to these women to hear their point of view. If he badmouths them, you may be next.

5.He exhibits an over-bearing, aggressive personality.  You may be attracted by his apparent confidence, strength, determination and aggressive personality – the kind of qualities you think you lack.  However, this personality type can also be a red flag for abusive behavior.

6. He talks at length, bragging about himself. Narcassistic men are famous for abuse because in their mind, they can do no wrong.

7.He expects a big return on his venture. He may seem happy to put your needs and wishes first for a little while, but it will not be long before he throws it in your face by saying: "Look at everything I do for you.  You owe me!"

8.The relationship moves forward very quick. Abusive men persuade as fast as they can. They know that they cannot sustain consistent good behavior for very long. Good behavior does not give them the pay off they want, controlling through abuse does.

9. You catch him telling lies. There are areas of his life that he is not telling you about or is lying to you about because he may lose you.  

10.He is interested in everything you have to say and coincidentally always agrees.  This is a sneaky technique called mirroring and can later be used to control you by developing trust.  

Any of the above must be considered an important warning sign. If you hear any alarms going off in your head, listen to them carefully and act on them.  An ounce of prevention can prevent a lifetime of heartache.

About the Author:

Infidelity Expert, Stephany Alexander, B.A., Author, Women’s Speaker
Credentials:  Stephany Alexander is the founder of [Link Removed] a free date screening service for women which is home to the “World’s Largest Database Rating Men.” is one of the most popular women’s sites on the net (top 5%) receiving millions of hits per month.

  • Founder - highest trafficked abused women’s message board on the net
  • Founder of Largest Online Database of Men in the World
  • Author of ‘Sex, Lies and the Internet,’ A Survival Guide to Online Dating [Link Removed]
  • Online dating expert on numerous talks shows and call-in radio shows - Author of over 50 articles on online dating and relationships
  • Author of 22 dating and relationship quizzes
  • Internet Polling Expert on relationship and dating issues, surveying over 400,000 women in on-line polls
  • Creator of 13 women’s comedy cartoon e-cards, including one claymation
  • Creator of 6 women’s online games, one arcade quality

Ms. Alexander is frequently called on by the media as the nation’s leading Infidelity Expert. Featured on: E! Entertainment, CNN, CBS, FOX, Sirius Satellite, KROQ, KIIS, Mike & Juliet Show, USA Today, Esquire Magazine, Wall Street Journal, NY Times, and countless radio shows.

To interview Ms. Alexander, please email [Link Removed]

Womansaversdotcom, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Paula Bertucci wrote Mar 23, 2009
    • great article..thank you for sharing

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Debbie Cole wrote Sep 20, 2010
    • This article took my every same thought right out of my head and the words right out of my mouth it could not have been worded any was the most perfect description of an abuser.........or should i say a predator capturing his victim...........perfect!!! i give you a big applause!!!

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Sep 21, 2010
    • I keep coming back to like memorize your is perfectly worded. The perfect description. I know because i’ve been with more than one abuser. Both mental and physical. I personally thought the mental abuse was the worse of the two but of course i wasn’t beaten in the face where people could see the bruises...but the mental abuse was bad and it eats up your very soul. Leaving you weak. I just recently dumped a man because i could see after only a month or so that he was a mental abuser. your article described him down to the T. He wanted me to be so dependent on him that he literally cause problems for me like i know “just can’t prove” that he had me caught for driving without a license. He already knew i had health problems and depression and anxiety as well. And he wanted me to be sick and he wanted me caught without a license he wanted to be in such control that he done things, to put me in a bind to be more dependent on him. He knew i was financially unable and he would hold on to things like ” i could get you some groceries” but only IF i would be a good little girl and sit by the phone 24/7 in case he called and report every move i made. He was so afraid i would get with another man. so jealous and was like dangling a carrot in front of a rabbits nose...if he seen i needed things, i had to let him be my shadow. It was bad. He would follow me even through the house even to the bathroom to always make sure what i was doing.......but i got so tired of it although i did need a mans help with things.........i rather be alone with finance problems or the house falling apart......whatever.....i can’t deal with someone like that........loved your article.

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