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The day you come to acceptance of what your divorced life IS, and IS NOT, you will finally begin your journey of emotional peace and serenity.

Confusing statement?  Let me explain.

Acceptance that you cannot control people, or outcome, is the key to inner peace.  Acceptance that you are only responsible for your actions, and not to concern yourself about the actions of others leads to serenity.  Focusing on your side of the street and doing the next right thing in your life leads to better living.

Acceptance is a tough nut to crack.  It does not come overnight; but let me share with you how to start reclaiming peace in your life.

Peace came to me the day I accepted the fact that my Ex’s life is his life, not mine.  The choices he elects to make are NONE of my business and my opinion does not matter in the slightest, nor frankly is it wanted by him.   I had to accept the fact that we were no long a couple and what that REALLY meant.

This means we both move on to separate lives.   I stay out of his affairs and I need to put boundaries around my life so he stays out of mine.   I understood that logically; but putting it into practice was another matter entirely.  I can come up with the best excuses since we divorced when our daughter was 4; so obviously there needs to be communication between the two of us.

I found it difficult at times not to go on a ‘fishing expedition’ on finding out what is going on in his life with mutual friends.  It was tough not to pry out of my daughter, after a visit with her father, details that were none of my business.  My motives behind prying had nothing to do with him; but everything to do with me wanting me to know the details.  I can honestly say that I was also hoping secretly that he was miserable.  Wishing ill on anyone will NOT promote peace and serenity in anyone’s life.

I had to make a conscious decision that when we communicated it was strictly about our daughter.  I did not ask how things were going in his life, and I didn’t offer up anything going on it mine.  And this was tough for BOTH OF US after a 13 year marriage.   If he elected to share what was going on in his life I would listen politely and would not ask questions to get more details; I certainly did not offer up my opinion, even if he asked me.  If he asked questions of what was going on in my life I pretty much stuck with vague, or high level responses, like ‘Life is going Great!’ or ‘Same Ole, Same Ole‘.

What you will find over time is that the more your separate your life's details from his, that your relationship will transition to one like a casual friendship with an office co-worker, or a neighbor.  You will communicate at a high level and know some general highlights of what is going on in their life, but that is about it.  And you will have peace not desiring to know more than what you already know.

The day will come when you’ll end that conversation with him and feel serenity in the fact that you have reclaimed yourself and you’ve learn to accept him as he is ... warts and all.

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