Are you held hostage by self-destructive attitudes and behaviors? Do you find yourself consistently achieving less than you are capable of. Are you discontent, frustrated or downright miserable?

All of us at times feel stalled or that we may not be progressing as we should. But there are times when the ruts become so deep that people can have a difficult time seeing that there is a different way.

If you feel stuck?a bit like a prisoner in your own life. The first step is to realize that you are the one who has built the strong walls that are holding you back from your potential and your happiness. You are the only one who can decide if you will use or throw away the key that unlocks the prison?that key is your desire and willingness to change.  

By accepting complete responsibility for you, you can begin to find the courage to "change your stars." If you are a fan of the 2001 movie, A Knight's Tale you will understand what effect determination, persistence and a refusal to accept low self- judgment can do for one's future. Although this movie is a fairy tale, there is a lot of truth in idea that we get what we see for ourselves. When we see ourselves as worthy of respect, love and happiness we are going to find it.

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What are some ways that women tend to self-destruct?*

?Eating too little in order to achieve that ever-evasive idea body
?Eating too much in order to fill a void somewhere inside.
?Using drugs or alcohol in an attempt to manage emotions or avoid dealing with life
?Misusing their bodies through lack of exercise or improper nutrition
?Staying in a relationship that hurts the soul or the body
?Being sexual in ways that cause a loss of self-respect
?Living life to please others at the expense of a loss of self
?Denying or stuffing feelings
?Lying to themselves about any of the above
?Refusing to accept responsibility to be and do what they choose


Accepting and perpetuating the judgments put on you by others means rejecting the 'you' that you could choose to be. You may have been shamed as a child?told repeatedly that you were stupid, not good enough, not pretty enough, too big, or in some way given the message that you were flawed. You will probably find that you have internalized those messages and continue to use them against yourself. It is time to stand up and say, "No more."

The path to self-acceptance is not always easy. It is tempting to slip back into habitual ways of thinking. But the pay off in increased self-confidence and self-esteem is worth any effort required. Decide now that you will use the key to unlock your prison and set your authentic self free.

Susan Derry, Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course  

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples.

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine