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Hey ladies! Here is some dating humor for your day, laced with truth! If you’ve ever experienced a little “crazy” in your dating life, then you should be able to appreciate this article from UrbLife guest writer Darrell W. Butler! Enjoy!
Dove
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Are You a Stage 5 Creeper? An Important PSA on S5Cs, How to Identify and Avoid Them!
By: Darrell W. Butler of Stage5Creeper.com

Attention fellow Gen-Xers; can you please place your session of Angry Birds on pause for a moment? We have a very important warning for you that will require your undivided attention!

You see, at this point in life, you may be under the false impression that you've got life and people all figured out. You have already developed your own personal sense of style. You've possibly finished college, or are in a graduate or continued education program. You know where to find the best coffee bar or restaurant in town, and you can master any new piece of technology within minutes of its release.

But riddle me this, hotshot; if you're so smart, then do you know what an S5C is? More importantly, did you know that each and every one of the 46 million Gen-Xers in this country are at risk of becoming the next potential victim? That's over 17% of the population!

Yes, the S5C syndrome is a rapidly growing worldwide epidemic. According to the Institute of BS Made Up Statistics, one out of every four people could potentially be an S5C. That means that if you're reading this with three other people, one of you might be a part of the problem. Even worse, if you can't figure out which one of you that is, it might be Y-O-U!

So how will you know? Your first step toward identifying the problem is to learn what an S5C actually is: because like G.I. Joe said: "Knowing is half the battle." Right?

The Urban Dictionary of American Slang defines an S5C as a person "one has no desire to talk to, think of or know of...however that person does not get the message. They will continuously text, call, Facebook creep and instant message you about pointless topics...or comment about your life that they have no part of."

There are two primary classifications of S5C: the Stage 5 Clinger, and the even more extreme stalker, the Stage 5 Creeper.

S5C's are very difficult to get rid of because they are obsessive by nature and relentless in their pursuit, so if you ever encounter one of these dangerous species, you should proceed with extreme caution.

Although we were the first generation to truly experience this plague, nobody is immune from this plague. S5C's come in all shapes and sizes regardless of age, gender or socioeconomic status.

Actually, with the advent of social media, even your grandma might be affected! Yeah, that's right, you read that correctly. And you probably thought that making Nana a Facebook page would be cute, didn't you?  

Well right now at this very moment, some Stage 5 Creeper could be pressuring her to meet for a shot of Ensure, followed by a round of bingo, penny slots and slow driving in the fast lane with the right blinker on "All Night Long Baby..." Yeah, it's not so cute anymore now is it?

So what are some of the warning signs? Well, before you can get to stage 5, you'll have to get through stages one through four first. So here are several ways to identify whether you or someone you know is a potential S5C. Protect yourself!

Stage 1 (S1C) – Code Green – Not a big deal  

An S1C really isn't much of a creeper at all. Instead this is more of a baseline classification that any one of us could potentially fall in to. This person probably won't be wearing backless leather chaps or pulling up in a tinted van full of rope and duct tape. Instead, the S1C is just a regular looking admirer.

So as long as their approach is genuine and respectful and they voluntarily leave upon being rejected, there really isn't much need to elevate them to Stage 2. Remember boys and girls, just because someone isn't your type doesn't necessarily mean that they are a creeper.

Stage 2 (S2C) – Code Blue – Lame but Harmless  

The S2C is typically one to be pitied more than feared. In most cases the S2C is merely a victim of their own social awkwardness and general lack of game. S2C's are likely to hit you with an array of cheesy pick-up lines such as "Baby, are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got FINE written all over you."

Or perhaps they might wear an "I wanna stuff your stocking" tee with a mistletoe belt buckle to the office Christmas party. Maybe it's the drunken old cougar with the whiskey breath winking at you while doing splits on the dance floor, or the weird guy with the crazy eyes who's been blatantly staring at you for the last two hours, but still hasn't mustered up enough courage to approach you.

The S2C encounter is typically an isolated incident that occurs in a public venue so more often than not there won't be many lingering after effects beyond having a great story to tell later.

Stage 3 (S3C) – Code Orange – Somewhat Disturbing  

Here's where things begin to get a bit more serious. Whereas S2C encounters tend to be one time affairs, the S3C is likely to revisit the location where you first met, over and over until they finally see you again. S3C's also tend to be slightly more aggressive and touchy-feely. Who's that who just gave your booty a squeeze as you passed by? A Stage 3 Creeper; that's who!

Another classic Stage 3 move by the male creeper is one that we like to call "the rodeo." This is where the S3C foregoes asking a girl to dance face to face and risk rejection. Instead he sneaks up from behind and latches on to start grinding away. It's similar to a rodeo bull rider, as the S3C has to see how long he can hump away until one of the unsuspecting victim's friends tells her that he's ugly and he gets elbowed in the sternum.

The S3C is also likely to begin collecting information to help them strategize their plan of attack and confirm that you're "meant to be together." So they might start asking other people questions about you, or they'll try and figure out which car you drive so they can check out your bumper stickers and the items in your back seat to figure out some of your interests.

"Is that an empty Starbucks cup? I LOVE Starbucks too! And you have an EZ pass? So do I! It must be a sign!"

Or perhaps they might be brave enough someday to leave a poorly constructed love poem on your windshield to let you know how "purrrty your eyes are."

If they met you at your job, they'll probably read your tag to learn your name, or grab a business card that has your contact information on it. This will allow them to Google you or find you on Facebook so they can go straight to that "Summer 2011" photo gallery of you on the beach with your friends. Maybe they can even make you the screensaver on their computer and cell phone, despite never having an actual conversation with you. Isn't that SO cute?!

Yes, the S3C playbook is full of passive aggressive tactics to get closer to you and make you theirs. The strange call to your office that quickly hung up or that mysterious random friend request online could all be the first steps toward your full blown S5C encounter.

Go to UrbLife.com via this link to read the extremes of Stage 4 and 5 Creepers! Yikes!!
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