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This is the digital age; over the past decade, the modern modes of communication have grown tremendously.  Text-messaging, emailing, Myspace-ing, Face-booking (not actual verbs, but in conversation you'll hear the terms used as such), tweeting—it's endless.Thirty years ago, cell phone technology was in its infancy, Internet code was simple, and people still had home phone numbers and paid bills by mail.  

But more than just communication methods were different.  Relationships were based on a completely different set of rules and basic standards.  For example, in order to maintain a relationship, more personal effort on both parties' ends were required to keep up with one another.  Additionally, secrets were more easily kept, affairs hidden, surprise parties successfully surprising, etc.  In short, people could keep their private lives to themselves and be more confident that their business was only their own.

spying

These days, people can access others with a click of their computer mouse, and have multiple choices for how they want to make contact.  This also makes spying a much easier task since people are less careful with concealing their thoughts, interests and connections.  Many social networks are aimed at making people more connected and encourage people to share personal information and experiences, thus eliminating any guarantee of privacy.

This is a steep, steep slippery slope.  For many couples, such networks allow for the opportunity to advertise their relationship and document their status.  The trouble comes when one of the lovebirds combs the other's webpage for evidence of disloyalty or to size up potential competition.  

This type of behavior is known as spying.  It could easily be justified as innocently looking through you sweetheart's public web page, but when you go looking for trouble, you'll find it whether it's really there or not.  Fueling the fires of jealousy by looking through your partner's pictures and comments/messages from others to them is a recipe for disaster and a breech of trust.

Trust is key in any and all relationships;  

Bottom line: don't go looking for trouble where there isn't any.  Don't cyber snoop on your significant other, especially if you're the jealous type.   The health of your relationship should not depend on how strong your love connection comes across online.  After all, the personal interaction is still what matters most.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • Great article, Yana.  

      Oddly enough, my husband has a Facebook page, but he relies on me to check it out for him and update him with any friend requests, etc.  

      Fortunately I’m not the jealous type, but I can see where this could be trouble-in-the-making for so many couples. There was even a viral video making the Facebook rounds last week or so that parodied this exact situation. One man and his four women, who have all caught wind of his LOLs and “pokes” on their respective pages. It was quite funny.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janie Emaus wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • Hi Yana,

       So well put.  Sometimes I miss the old days, of landlines and love letters.

      Janie



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • I'm friends with my daughter on Facebook for work reasons but she doesn't appear in my newsfeed and I don't in her newsfeed ...I never look at her page and we both have limited view on each other pages .......

      I have no interest in what she is doing and vice versa .......
      I loved that video Feather it was so true to life about Facebook and snooping on your partner.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stacydct wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • Great article! This is so true... there is more temptation out there with all of the new social media that is so easily accessible. And I agree with Janie on missing the days of love letters, or any mail at all!

      StacyDCT



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • @feathermaye @ukgirl As usual I miss things, which video? Can you guys post a link here?

      And I too miss the good old days, when we were more connected by reaching out and actually touching someone estatic rather than messaging, texting or “facebooking” them.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Evilamy wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • I agree, but I also think it’s just good business to at least Google a guy’s name when you start dating, just to make sure he’s not wanted in Alaska or something. Aside from that, if he’s cheating, you usually know before you see pictures. If he’s posting pictures, he’s either stupid or begging to get caught. Not that I would spy on my man’s page...but my friends would, and give me a full report, whether I wanted it or not ;)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • I’m looking for the video right now, Yana. Will share when I find it again.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Paula Bertucci wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • I just went through this experience. The guy I was seeing questioned every guy that was on my facebook account...and they were all just friends...this caused a huge rift in us..and I would not let him on my account because of the interrogation I went through. So he then made his account public and the only friends were all women...needless to say in the end he was not truthful..which I discovered through his YOU Tube account..and this I was not looking for...but had I not seen what I seen...I would have been lead further down a very nasty road....so I have mixed reviews on this subject....but agree that trust is paramount for a relationship to work...something I always use to say to him...he never trusted me...and he had no reason not to....it was a painful experience...and now I move forward.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • Found it!! Hope the link works...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • Yes it works honey - I love this ...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • Thanks Heather.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • I also uploaded it to my videos here, just to be sure.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • We have added this great new feature, if you just post the link (url link) from youtube.com it automatically converts to a video that looks like the one on top (I went and changed it)

      Thanks.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Paula Bertucci wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • Go to admit..that video is to funny and so true at the same time.....but you know what ..Facebook or no Facebook..it comes down to being honest...and in the end..those that are not honest deserve to have their lies exposed...because those lies prove that the relationship has no solid foundation...enough said!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • Cool. I went back through Facebook to find it first (what a maze that was!) and then once I had the name of it I found it on Youtube.

      Paula, I'm sorry for what you went through. I've come to learn, as I'm sure you and so many other women have, that when someone is convinced we are being dishonest, it's usually due to the fact that they are. Good on you for finding out and moving forward.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Brendastarr wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • Good article.  I would also point out Facebook can add anguish to all kinds of relationships. I’ve heard of friends get upset seeing postings for events they weren’t invited to.  

       I admit, I’m one of those who got wrapped around the axle since my BF didn’t even put anything on his facebook page for his relationship status! But I realized he also didn’t fill out the whole profile & can’t always  find messages so cluelessness could be the answer.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cath20 wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • I’m definitely putting this on my profile page—on facebook!  ;D



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carine Nadel wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • oh dear Yana,  I am on FB, as you well know dear friend, but I don’t have to look for trouble-it finds me.  

      I’m always saying “Please, don’t say anything you don’t want the world to know on my wall!”



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Paula Bertucci wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • Feathermaye ...your right..a lesson I just learned...about the dishonestly thing...amazing it’s taken me to 53 to find this out...but perhaps in a good way..it means that I’ve been lucky not to have more dishonest people in my circle.

      everyone..have a great rest of the day..now I have to get in that garage and purge stuff....I’m moving soon and have to be ready.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lilchile wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • Yana—good stuff!! I have to agree with Evilamy...check your guy out!! Trust and honesty are wonderful but if you have even a twinge of doubt, get to the bottom of it, womans intuition is one of the best things God gave us!!!  

      I do believe that a man may think there is no harm in “tweeting,poking, accepting a friend request” but the intention of the other person is sometimes the question.  

      It is probably key to keep the communication with our partner going so he or she will feel comfortable telling us that they got “poked” happy...and if it was meant to be then good will prevail!! If by chance it ends up not being good then let’s follow Paula’s lead and move on ......



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Miss1960 wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • Hi Yana,

      Great article! estatic Although, internet has its advantages and dis-advantages, I still think it is the greatest thing that ever happened in line of communications amongst other things. If we would only use it within reason, because it is so easy to get carried away. I do like the knowledge I get from it and the information availability is just endless. Hence, spying made easy, sad but true!  

      Thanks
      Miss 1960



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Robin Clark wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • Very good article.  Things in the old days was great but to keep up with things in this day and time we have to move forward. I guess I am one of the lucky women out there who has a great husband and I know will not cheat on me because he knows I will not cheat on him.  I am allowed to have facebook and myspace. I use these web sites to keep in touch with my friends at work and my daughter. It is hard to get together with your friends now a days with as busy as we are working crazy hours. Nice to be able to drop short notes to each other.  But don’t post your whole life history on these sites.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tammy Slater-Kendrick wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • I have to agree, Yana. My daughter often sends me text messages instead of calling - yet, when we DO talk on the phone, she’s a total chatterbox (so I know she’s not trying to avoid me - LOL). Text-ing, etc. has become the standard way of life. It’s really hard to “connect” in a text message! Of course, I certainly don’t mind getting “love emails” instead of “love letters“...as long as I get them!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mz. Queen wrote Aug 21, 2009
    • I’m not looking for trouble at all.  

      Good article.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Aug 21, 2009
    • Good article Yana. And so true. The internet is never, ever totally private! I don’t post anything that I’m not ok with others seeing.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stacydct wrote Aug 21, 2009
    • What do you say we just stick with chocolate?! It can always be trusted! Although DOVE Chocolate does have a twitter page now! TImes they are a changin’



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Ray wrote Aug 25, 2009
    • Good article. One of the problems, especially with email, is that you often read it differently than it was written. I would rather talk in person whenever possible. I do text my girls and send them crazy You Tube links but that is never our primary means of communication.  

      As for jealousy and anger, it only hurts the person feeling it so it is best to try and find ways to prevent it or mitigate it.  

      Have a great day ladies!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Aug 31, 2009


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