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Hard to imagine.  People seemingly happily married for 25 years suddenly and surprisingly seek divorce.  At 25 or more years, divorce is, in the scheme of things, very unusual.  Twenty-five years is a very long time for humans!  It comprises about a third of the normal human life.

So, how does this happen?  Or more succinctly, why is Maria Shriver considering filing for divorce from Arnold Schwarzenegger?  Well, it's really not all that complicated.

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had humble beginnings.  He migrated to the USA from Austria and became a body builder – a world-class body builder!  He became famous because of it.  His body building career led to a movie career.  Arnold became one of the most famous actors on the planet!

And what about Maria?  She is the daughter of Sargent Shriver, the founder of the Peace Corp.  Maria Shriver is the niece of the late president John F. Kennedy.  That makes her part of one of the most famous families in America!  The Kennedys are American icons.

So, here you have it – a common man who immigrated to the USA from Austria marries into one of the most famous American families – the Kennedys on April 26, 1986 – 25 years ago.  The question of the day is this – why did Arnold create a "Love Child" some 13 years ago while married to the beautiful Maria?  Why was young Christopher born to a housekeeper in the Schwarzenegger's household?  That is the question of the day.  

Moreover, why would Arnold Schwarzenegger, the former Governor of California, who is married to a woman who is a member of one of the most famous families in America – the Kennedys – "cheat" on his wife and engage in a betrayal of the highest order?  And how could he hide his secret for 13 years?

While these are the questions on everyone's mind and the answers the media are desperately seeking, these questions and answers are not what is really important in this story.  The answers to these questions will only satisfy some level of curiosity, but the details of the affair and reasons behind their actions will not get at the heart of the real issue—the damage caused by infidelity.

Make no mistake about it, cheating on your spouse is an unpardonable act.  Expecting forgiveness is usually not in the cards.

The simple truth is this – Arnold Schwarzenegger and his housekeeper (she is NOT by our way of thinking exempt from criticism for this act!) committed an act that would not be tolerated in 99.9% of American households.    

Arnold and his mistress, Patty Baena, engaged in the ultimate act of betrayal when it comes to the vows of marriage.  Why people engage in such egregious acts bewilders us, and we have been researching this stuff for nearly three decades!

But this we know—Don't be fooled and don't be foolish.  Relationships that are the victim of betrayal, infidelity, and disloyalty almost always end in failure.  Those who have been successfully married for years and years know this to be true.  Don't be misled by those who suggest otherwise.

Maria Shriver has hired a top-notch lawyer to handle her possible divorce from Arnold.  It will most certainly be nasty.  But in the end, it is the children of this marriage (as well as the so-called "love child") who will be harmed the most by this sordid affair.

Adults sometimes act without thinking about the consequences, because in the end, infidelity always hurts the children the most.   Arnold and Patty together engaged in an act of betrayal.  Neither of them can be excused for their behaviors.  Infidelity destroys.  Infidelity destroys trust, love, marriages and families.

And to those “doubting Thomas’s” who believe that cheating on your spouse - engaging in acts of infidelity with the one you purport to love more than life itself - doesn’t matter, well, we have several questions for you.  

Do you have someone in your life that you trust completely and unequivocally?  Do you have a friend who trusts you back just the same?  Is there someone in your life that you would lay down your life for?  Is there someone in your life that would do the same for you?  

If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, then ask yourself this one final question - if either my trustworthy friend or I violated the aforementioned trust before us, would I still say that infidelity is okay?  If you say “yes” then you are a person without principle - a person someone else cannot trust.  Tell us infidelity doesn’t matter!  

And a postscript – we are keenly aware that, for whatever reason or reasons, some couples simply fall out of love over time.  It happens. Confront those challenges that are eroding the quality of your marriage.  Talk it out.  Read a good book about what makes marriage work.  See a marriage counselor.  Try your best to save your marriage.  

However, if all of your actions are to no avail, then go your separate ways, but do so honestly.  Engaging in infidelity is not the way you should deal with falling out of love.  Infidelity will not fix your marriage, it will only make matters worse.  Cheating your way out of a failing marriage spreads out the hurt to so many others and never, we repeat never, saves a failing relationship.

By Dr. Charles D. and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz

**For [Link Removed]  .


Doctors, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.

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Member Comments

    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote May 27, 2011
    • He has been a ‘not so good hubby’ most of their marriage. His groping antics over the years and who knows how many others will be popping out of the woodwork now.

      Maria will stand with grace and make it through.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote May 27, 2011
    • Really the who’s and what’s are not so important. He cheated. Maria has to decide what her heart can handle.  

      And of course the kids..... But who ever said cheating spouses ever think  about anyone else but themselves!



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Linda L wrote May 28, 2011
    • I agree with Vikki.  The Who,What,When,Where,and Why do not matter.  The truth remains Arnold is a cheater and I hope Maria gets a large divorce settlement.  Yes, cheating spouses are so selfish, they never think about the damage it causes. My heart goes out to Maria and the children.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote May 28, 2011
    • I too agree with Vikki. My deceased ex-brother in law did the same thing to my sister after almost 30 years of marriage.  His affair had been going on for half their marriage.  Fortunately there was no child born. It was a nasty divorce drawn out divorce with no children involved but money.  If you could have seen what he had this affair with compared to my beautiful sister you would be shocked!! Short story of it all...they divorced...he realized what he lost...fed his alcoholism...and suffered a massive heart attack and died a very lonely man.  His mistress took his money and left too.

      So...my question too is “why?“heartbreakfrown



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote May 28, 2011
    • Seeing as how I’m still working on a divorce from a cheater (in many ways), I’ve got a really strong opinion. Loss of trust is basically what it comes down to. We honor those we love with our trust and faith in them. Break that trust and the marriage has lost its foundation.

      Especially with children, I personally would not risk my children’s hearts being broken by their father again, I would definitely have to divorce him. I feel for Maria and the kids that this sad event is made so public.  

      Cathie



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote May 29, 2011
    • Cathie I like what you just said about infidelity breaking the foundation of a marriage. I remember when your own pain of this was very fresh and raw so you know how this feels.  

      The Kennedy men are nororious for their extra curricular activities so Maria has seen the women suffer the pain of this her entire life. I’m just sorry it happened to her as well.

      And, indeed, it’s the children who suffer most.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Kyah wrote May 29, 2011
    • Arnold was a pig from way back, even during his body building days and I never thought Maria actually loved him, just tolerated him. Kennedy family didn’t take him in their arms either, probably because he wasn’t very discreet about his womanizing. Her mistakes were thinking she could change him and trusting him.

      The TV scandal shows mentioned that this love child is around the same age as one of the kids Maria had, so that should have been red flag #1. They also say he’s the spitting image of Arnold red flag #2. Rumor has it there is at least 2 more “love children” of Arnold’s out there. And the husband of the mistress thought that was his child. In the long run everyone loses for a few moments of ecstasy.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote May 29, 2011
    • It’s a bad situation anyway you look at it...it really is and I can’t imagine the grief Maria and their children are going through.  And the “love” child as well.  It’s not his fault either.  Everybody loses...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote May 30, 2011
    • Infidelity is wrong, on either end..there are women out there who cheat too, and the husband is wondering why!

      “Ahnold” really screwed this up big time and he will pay!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote May 30, 2011
    • And there are people who don’t respect the marriage of another they are “hot” for. Never got why a married man or woman cheating on a spouse would feel like a “prize“?  

      Cathie



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