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Hello To All My Fab 40 Ladies
I am so sorry I have not been on. My doctor wants me to spend my time laying down till we figure out what to do with my back..I have 2 discs that have crumbled and there are spurs pushing against my spinal cord and there has been a narrowing of my spinal column..I also have 2 herniated discs in my upper spinal column...So needless to say I am in quite a bit of pain...I do have pain meds and they have me giving myself injections ...The really bad part of this is I have "No Insurance" at all...I did find a place down here that is working to get the state to pay for it...The catch is that I have to go take a aptitude test and be able to Re Educate  so when it's all said and done I am going to re join the work force...Now my Nero surgeon says that's all pending the outcome of the surgery.. This part really gets me and I am sure the ladies who share our hated friend Fibromyalgia has at some point been labeled like this..The Nero surgeon is concerned that I won't be happy with the surgery... because I might not be able to distinguish the pain in my back from the pain of my Fibromyalgia...I just looked at him like..Huh?? I do know the difference..Its 2 totally different kinds of pain..So now I have to get at least 6 months of spinals before I can get the surgery..He wants to be sure he has exhausted all other options..In the mean time I am not able to drive the 40+ miles to take this aptitude test..So I am just lying here...feeling more and more depressed and thinking I have nothing to get out of bed for any more...My quality of life has hit the negative numbers...I miss being on here with everyone..You all were and are my only real friends...I miss all the care and laughter that I so had come a custom to...I miss your stories and interesting tips on life...I know there are others who have it worse and I truly am not a pity party person..I am just feeling over whelmed and scared... With Much Love Your Sister and Friend... Kat  



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote May 5, 2009
    • OMG honey we can’t have this ... what can we do other than send you jokes - is there a Fab 40 living nearby ...

      what can we do ...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mjmurphy wrote May 5, 2009
    • Rena - we must brainstorm to get you to that test. is it that you can’t take being in the car for that drive or getting there? if is getting there, I would ask a social worker about transportation options. my daughter found resources to get her to her appointments because she cannot drive herself.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mjmurphy wrote May 5, 2009
    • what a stupid comment from an educated man!! might not be able to distinguish the pain in my back from the pain of my Fibromyalgia.  

      Don’t, Don’t internalize that crap girl!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote May 5, 2009
    • Kat, is there anyone that can drive you while you lie down in the car?

      I know about pain I know about quality of life as mine was lost 12 yrs ago. I am lucky when i can get into my wc to get out of my room. I do not know what a painless day is. I can feel your pain, literally.

      I hate when they, docs, act like they know your pain better and your feelings better. You want me to smack them for you or roll over them in my wc.estatic

      I know it feels like life is not even worth it anymore, I know the feelings of giving up....i tried...

      So kat, my friend, here it comes!! YOU CAN overcome this, your are strong and have the ability to rise above this all. I am not a healthytongue out trying to tell you to deal with it and it could be worse. This is your worse and they can bugger off!! lol I am someone who feels this and as i read your blog i could not stop crying.

      You are not alone...i have learned that quality of life is inside us, not in what we can do at the down times. Quality is when i cannot move my limbs, bathe myself etc and my child comes into bed with me and holds me and tells me they love me. That is quality!!

      Kat, you can overcome this, hopefully they can take care of the ‘back’ issues and then you know how you can deal with the fibro iisues. And you do know the difference. So when they tell you this, just nod and let them think they know. lol  

      And kat...fight, please fight as i never want to see you in a wheelchair with me. I will never walk again and i swear i will kick your hiney if you do not fight this, gently kick it!! lol Fight kat plz fight...I am sending healing and fighting vibes your way.  

      As the song says...
      If you need me, call me...no matter where you are, no matter how far!

      now must go dry my eyes and blow my nose!!!
      im here kat if you need!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote May 5, 2009
    • Rena, what about if we call you - hey I get free US calls and we chat with you ?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coachmombabe wrote May 5, 2009
    • Oh, Rena, it sounds almost exactly like what my daughter is experiencing, sans the FMS.  I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this, and I so wish I had some answers. The meds they most recently prescribed for Kels had her vomiting all day. Sometimes it seems like there is no good solution.

      I am praying for you, for relief and solutions. Please, please don’t give up! We are here for you!!!

      xoxo
      Cindy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote May 5, 2009
    • sent ya my phone number...

      and threw you another rope darlin‘!!
      xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote May 5, 2009
    • Rena, I am hoping for relief to your pain, girl. We are all rooting for you!happy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote May 5, 2009
    • There you are! I have missed you SO much!!!  

      Everything is going to be okay! Just you wait and see!!!

      What can I do to help???? Don’t you give up!!!!  

      Big Hugs!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote May 5, 2009
    • Hi there. I am sending you many prayers, hugs and positive thoughts and vibes. As for Doc- tell him I said BITE ME.
      (Sorry- that wasn’t very lady like)

      Let us know any time if there is something any of us can do for you. DO NOT hesitate. I agree with Tracy. FIGHT!  

      I wish there were something I could do right now!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leeann wrote May 5, 2009
    • Sorry girl to here your in pain , I send prayers and smiles your way .



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jo46 wrote May 5, 2009
    • Rena, I don’t even know you, but I don’t want you to give up or give in.  Your short term goal is to take this apttitude test.  Can you perhaps contact The Arthritis Foundation to see if they can help you?  Can you get a ride laying in the back of someones car from a friend or perhaps a church group?  Look up volunteer groups in your community paper, to see if someone could possibly help you accomplish this endeavor. The asking will be tough since you seem like such a prideful women.  I will be praying for you tonight.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Rena Bennefield wrote May 8, 2009
    • OMG .... My Dear Wonderful Friends...I am sitting here and the tears are rolling down my cheeks and my heart feels so full...When I finished reading all the kind, warm and heartfelt words and all the care and concern that was in those words..I felt nothing but Loved...You all have made the difference and given me firm ground to build on when all I had was shifting sand...I don't feel so alone anymore and if its only once a week  I am gonna try to  be a part of the very special place where all my friends are right here...Your all Amazing Women who openly share your ups and downs pain and glory...I believe there is something more to this site than a mere coincidence that we all ended up here at this time in our lives...There is a lot of wisdom here and so much experience. We share are inner most secrets and fears...I know I have shared things with you that I have never told a soul before...Thank You All from the Bottom To The Top of My Heart . Ukgirl You have already done it..My heart has been lifted...Bernadette I have had you on my mind as well...Thank You for the offer...Yeah if you have time could ya post a Q & A about the insurance? That would be awesome. I loved the quotes as well...)O( MJ that's a very good idea...I could ask the person who is running the class if she would know if someone could get me to the class..And Yes I could not believe the doctor when he said that..I know my pain...Its crazy..Thanks for the idea...Mztracy...Your words were so encouraging...I have been thinking about you also...I was laying in bed and feeling sorry for myself and wondering why I should even get up...and you came to mind...I know from what you have posted you have been through so much, yet you have an amazing attitude, it's over the top...Your glass is always half full...You don't know it but you have been an inspiration to me even before this happened ...On my bad Fibromyalgia days I thought about how every day you get up and go at it...I also like how you said that this is my worse. I get weary of others good intentions telling me how bad it could be...Like I haven't thought of that...The Surgeon told me that it was going to be a serious operation and that I will be running the risk of being paralyzed..As with any spinal cord surgery..So yeah it is the worse and scariest thing I ever had to deal with...Till you said that about the quality of life..I never perceived it like that...I lay here on the couch and look around my house and it kills me inside not to be able to do the things I used to do..I am angry and pissed off...I was not ready for this.. I feel like I have been robbed of my joy and happiness, I feel violated...and I feel like if I accept this...step away from denial that it will become to real for me. That I will just curl up and stop living...do you know what I mean...It is like when my Dad died I felt like if I don't say it then maybe it won't be true... about 2 weeks ago I got up and said f*ck this and went to our family room and started cleaning it..It's not a huge room but it took me 5 hrs to clean it and then I was bed ridden for 3 days... Coachmom I am sorry about your Daughter..My heart goes out to her and you..I know how disappointing it is when you get your hopes up about a medication that will help only to find it makes things worse or gives us more to deal with..Thank you for your prayers..Hay Cindylou...Thank You Girl ...Shopgirl...I miss you too...and you have already helped just being my friend...Jenz.. LMAO..I will tell him...and Thank You...Leeann I want you to know I got those smiles and prayers..Thank You too.. Jo46 those were good ideas..I am going to contact some of the churches and bus lines to see if they have anything going on. Yes I am a prideful woman only because I have always taken care of me..I have a hard time reaching out...My past has been one that has left me an untrusting person and I hate to let people see my frailties... but on here among all of you I feel I can be open...My Friends I Just Want To Say Thank You All So Very Much...Here is my E-Mail addy... [Link Removed] am gonna try to set up the Yahoo chat thing...do any of you do the IM thingy? Please send me your e mail addy' also... My son is going to bring his lap top out for me to use when he can get the time...He lives like 80 miles away... With Much Love and Friendship.. Kat  BIG (((((HUGS)))))


      Kataramoon, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote May 8, 2009
    • Rena, I do hope that you can find some relief soon. I hate that you are having to go thru all this.
      Keep you chin up and hang on, things will get better soon.
      I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
      Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
      Hugs and Kisses,
      Lisa



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote May 8, 2009
    • i’m thinking limo ....you can lie down be comfy. lol cheaper than a cab or ambulance. I can help a bit.
      maybe even get a limo and get them advertising....human interest story, limo co helps woman. hmmmmm lt me think on this.  

      As for accepting it...you do not have to. I may have ms, but that does not mean i have accept it into my life. yes it is a part of me, but it is not who i am. hope that makes sense.

      where exactly are you? pm me with info...

      we are here for you!!! xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Aug 7, 2009
    • Rena,

      Been thinking about you - how are you ?

      Speak soon



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