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I have a had time balancing work and home life. It is so easy to get caught up in the ‘drama’ of work. I am a professor and maybe my students are more needy than others but it seems as if they really do have life changing things happening. I did set the parameters that I will not answer emails after 6 pm and not on weekends. There are certain things that absolutely have to be done for tenure on top of teaching. Good or bad I have been getting a reputation as the go to girl..Lisa will do it!
How does everyone else handle this situation? I have tried Journaling but seems to be just one more thing to do...



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisab41 wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • Annie-
      Great advice I need to stick to. My boss is also a very good friend so sometimes I feel very guilty for saying no and she feels comfortable asking me because she knows that it will get done if she asks. Not her fault-mine for saying not right now!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Trudy S wrote Oct 21, 2008
    • I agree with Annie.  Before I had a family, I used to do ‘whatever needed to be done’ to complete my work.  It often meant working 60 hr weeks.

      Now that my priorities have changed I too am struggling to NOT be the go to girl.  Like Annie, I have drawn boundaries - which I am still working on myself holding to!  

      I too feel the guilt and also realize that it may mean I am not going to rise through the ranks as I once did.  However, my husband and son and life outside of work mean so much more to me than being #1 at my job.  That has taken a big change in thinking for me...I am totally an A-type.

      Perhaps you need to speak with your boss and explain your priorities and see how they can fit in with hers in a more balanced way?

      Trudy
      [Link Removed] 


      Isagenixbeliever, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Bignmaxzmom wrote Dec 20, 2008
    • A lot of us females struggle with never really wanting to say no.  We think that if we are the “go to” person, that we will finally feel important and loved.  Agree? Disagree?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisab41 wrote Dec 20, 2008
    • Very mucg=h agree-feel very guilty when I say no. Have made some strides taking some time for myself over the break.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Trudy S wrote Dec 20, 2008
    • I have made the effort to STOP letting my pride make me always say “YES, I’ll do that.”  For me, that is what it came down to.  It made me feel good about myself to be that go-to person.  In reality, it made me the person who took on all the work while others slacked.  

      Not any more.  I rearranged my priorities and don’t have a problem letting people know.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Dec 20, 2008
    • I feel like this all the time and then all things fall apart.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenni0811 wrote Dec 20, 2008
    • I am pretty good laying down the law at work....but I am a pushover in my personal life. Probably because I care about my friends and family, I enjoy doing for others and also want them to like me....I know its a fault many women share....we are, afterall, the caretakers, and tend to believe that if we don’t do it the family will fall apart! I’m at least to the point when I feel pressured, to take a moment to consider myself, before answering.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Trudy S wrote Dec 20, 2008
    • I have really learned a lot from a friend who is EXCELLENT at setting boundaries.  She is a mental health counselor and often has to draw lines with her clients.

      If I ask her to do something for me I always trust that she is going to be totally honest with me.  If she can do it she will but if she says no I know it is because the timing is wrong.

      I had never experienced someone who was so good at doing that.  The first couple of times it happened I have to admit I was a little surprised ....but then I realized how much I respected her honesty.  She wasn’t going to put her family second to accommodate me (this wasn’t an emergency situation...it was a convenience situation.

      It made me think about how I handle those situations and realize that I could say no as kindly and honestly as she does - without losing a friend!  Any friend who I potentially lost from my putting my family first wasn’t worth my friendship.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Bignmaxzmom wrote Dec 20, 2008
    • The truth is that for every choice, there will be a consequence.  I am trying to learn how to deal with the consequences.  It amounts, really, to having a “spine“, doesn’t it?  Whenever we aren’t trying to please everybody, there is going to be somebody who is displeased. That is where I am right now.  I guess what I try to tell myself is to focus on the other eight people that ARE pleased with me.  Of course! Because when someone is displeased, it is really about THEM, and what we didn’t do for them.  So maybe it’s not so much of a loss.  I’m working on really digesting that.



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