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I have an 11 year old daughter. Her dad and I are divorced. It was pretty ugly, he was very mentally abusive, and pretty much just ignored our daughter. Until, of course, I left him ~ then he wanted to use her as a "tool". Anyway, long story short, after our divorce (and actually before) My daughter went everywhere with me. The grocery store, Wal-mart, the mall, out to eat, for rides in the country to just get away, I mean everywhere. She's always been my little side kick. My Mini-me if you will. And when I've gone through emotional times, she always knows how to cheer me up. Which brings me to my question, do any of you have that relationship with your daughter/son? And is it working? I've always heard, especially from Nanny 911, that you can't have the friend relationship with your child, you must be the parent first. Although, I always thought of my mommy as one of my best friends.

By the way, my daughter says that we are the family that could break down nanny 911 ~ lol.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Maura Jones wrote Oct 17, 2008
    • I think that Nanny could use a little perspective.  My daughter and I are best friends too.  She’s now 22, and I can honestly say that between ages 14-17 we were NOT friends at all!
      Your daughter needs you as much as you need her.  Just don’t lose perspective and start confiding in her about your Ex.  Nor should you burden her with other issues that she’s too young to be worried about.  Be her friend, but make the effort to get a good friend your own age to vent with.  She shouldn’t be your only source of comfort.  That’s when it gets sticky.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Oct 18, 2008
    • What has already been said...it so true.  

      You need to keep the relationship in this order...

      Daughter First

      Friend Second

      No adult conversations about your ex.....she isn’t a player in that game.  Even when she becomes an adult.  Leave her out.

      But also...she needs to have healthy relationships with girls and boys her own age.  Nothing wrong with the two of you spending time together...but she also needs to form her own relationships without you being in on all of those. (Of course not saying you should not know her friends)  

      If she isn’t doing things without you...I would encourage her to do so.  She needs that whether she think she does or not.  She does.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Humming1975bird wrote Oct 18, 2008
    • Yes, I too believe that my daughter (my only daughter - I have a son also) is my VERY best friend.  She was an especially good kid when growing up.  She did give us a few gray hairs in her teen years, but nothing extremely negative.  She will be 21 in December.  She is 9 hours away from me this semester at college in DC.  She is still the first one I think of when something has happened in life.  The first I have the need to call.  She is my fashion consultant, my religious therapist, my venting buddy, my just hanging out companion.  I do agree that you have to be mother first and friend second.  You also have to hold back at times and let her enjoy life with her friends or she will think you are suffocating her.  I also confess that I do need to have more friends from my own age group.  I do have a very close relationship with my 3 sisters, but nothing a special as my dear, dear daughter.  She amazes me everyday.  The things she has done in short life are just awesome.  She has the life that I wish I had the opportunity and courage to go after.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jldixon wrote Oct 18, 2008
    • Wow thanks for all the responses.  Nice surprise when I logged on today. but, hope I didn’t give the wrong impression here.  I do have a life!  LOL  Of course I have friends my age, and of course she has friends her age.  

      I have never, and I never will say anything bad about her dad in front of her, because like alot of you have said, that’s not her problem to deal with.  I’ve always said that she will form her own opinion of him on her own.  And if it’s not the same one that I have of him, that’s a good thing.  He’s her dad not her ex.

      My sister and I have always had a good relationship as friends, and our momma was right there in the middle of us.  Not that she was trying to be our age, but we always included her.  I guess we had a cool mom, and she just felt like a friend.  I could always tell her anything.  From the time that I can remember she knew pretty much everything about me, even the bad stuff (or what I consider bad, like smoking in high school)  I just want my daughter to be able to feel that comfortable around me.

      Just the impression that I get from all the “experts” is that you can’t be your kids best friend without breaking the mom rule, and I disagree.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Humming1975bird wrote Oct 25, 2008
    • Yes JL I think your right.  It is possible to be both her mom and her friend.  After all you think about it - who do you respect the most in the world?  It is usually your mother and your BFF.  They could be one and the same!



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