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I tell you I'm in the wrong profession. I should have been a relationship counselor or something, I have people coming to me all the time with their relationship issues and I for one am NOT a professional in the field, but I guess many value my opinion and my truths. That is the one thing about me if you ask me my opinion I am going to give it to you and tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth lol.
Well I recently had two friends of mine both are very dear to me and we all grow up together and went to the same elementary and high schools together and we are all the same age. One who is male and lives in ATL, the other is female living here in Michigan.
We all reunited a few years ago at our 30th year class reunion, so you know there were 30 years between us seeing or and being in contact with each other.

Well I think I’ll start with her, she being a beautiful person inside and out and had always been one of my BFF’s she has had some challenges in her life like many of us have, but seemed to be unable to rise above some of them. She is in a relationship that she shouldn’t be in because he is with another woman living with her and have fathered her children, he has been released from prison a few years ago, and has put demands on my friend about her working.

He DOESN‘T want her to work! WTH??? and she has fallen for this, now his reasoning for him not wanting her to work is so childish and just plan ole stupid and very insecure....because he doesn’t want any other men looking at her or try to talk to her. This man is out of his mind  I guess prison really messed his mind up, and she is a fool for going along with it, she is struggling beyond struggling has no means of income other than handouts, and I think she still may be getting a babysitting check for child care through the welfare office, but that is the just of her income she has an apartment that she constantly cries and worries about how she will pay her rent from month to month.

He brings her some money and food, but then she complains to me about not having the essentials like new clothes, household items, and she wants to fix up her place really nice, I gave her some furniture this past summer.
Ok so my thoughts are how do anyone who is in need to this degree allow another person to keep them from getting off their butts and going out and make a life for themselves and especially at this age, and in this day and time everyone needs to work, the bible says: "if a man don't work, he don't eat!"  I guess she missed that memo! The thing with me is this she calls me so much with her problems about finances and how in dire need she is, I want to share with her about how she needs to stop listening to this man and get off her butt and go to work, but I don't want to offend her or come off too harsh, any suggestions????

Ok now on to my male friend. He is one of thee most handsome, most talented and one of thee most go getters I know when it comes to making things happen to have a better life for himself. He recently got divorced from his wife, has no small children, but adult kids. He is a businessmen and is doing well, but it seems he lacks common sense when it comes to dealing with women. He seems to be somewhat of a pushover. He shared with me about one relationship he was in after the wife and he parted, but it didn’t work out now he is on to this new one with a woman he partnered with in a business, they have since parted ways in the business and she got her just due from it and has moved on with another gentleman with another business venue, but she is still trying to hold on to my friend and trying to play him as well as the other gentleman she is currently seeing and building as business with.

Now she knows the ins and outs of my friend, and she is going to try and play him because she knows his every move. She is trying to use her daily commuications with him about his doing to strategize her moves to build her life around what he does to try and trap him if this is making sense to you the reader of this blog. He calls me in tears telling me its hard for him because he still has love for her, but with her cheating on him with this new guy, it hurts  and he is having a hard time walking away. WTH??? what do you mean you‘re having a hard time walking away, this chick cheated on you with this guy and is trying to use what she knows of you and how you both had something together to do the same with this guy!

The short of this story is this she is trying to hold on to my friend knowing his potential, in the event this guy doesn’t work out and I’m trying to get him to see it, but he is so caught up he can’t see the forest for the trees so to speak, so what do I say from this point??? I tell you what the heck is wrong with people today? Are we so desperate to be with someone that we will just settle for anything??? So my thing here is I have shared with him my thoughts on the matter because he asked me. And I have been very frank and honest with him, now if he refuse to take the advice its all on him, but how do you help a friend who is in need of some wise counsel??? My hands are tied.

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Nov 28, 2011
    • Maybe get the 2 friends to meet?  happy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Nov 28, 2011
    • No way Mzd3, we all grew up together and not being funny but he wouldn’t look at her twice lol.tongue out



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Nov 28, 2011
    • I wonder if it all boils down to self worth. I don’t see much going on with either of them in that area. It’s very sad and truly there’s nothing you can do except share your honest feelings with them. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling them both how you feel but saying it in such a way to tell them you hurt for them. You know they‘re worth so much more than they are accepting in their lives but wish they could see it.

      One thing I’d do with the female friend is curb the availability for her to just call and dump her frustrations on you and use you as a sounding board. I suggest setting some boundaries on that. It’s one thing when a friend calls for advice and quite another when they never take the advice but just keep calling to vent. That takes its toll on a friendship over time. It sounds like that friendship may be one sided.  

      You‘re a good person, Neicy!heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Nov 29, 2011
    • WOW! thanks Choc and I totally agree with all you’ve said and I have not been so available when she calls lately I just let it go to voice mail and givr it a few days IF, I return the call thanks my friend.hearthappy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Brimstone1968 wrote Nov 30, 2011
    • Consider writing her and him a letter and letting it all out.  Reading it over and over again might just knock some sense in them or they see the light bouncing off the paper and into their heads.  I love honesty and continue to keep it real with them.  You can only take so much as a human being so be careful you donot get to caught up.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Dec 1, 2011
    • I can certainly understand how you feel, Neicy.heart  It is tough to have friends who are needy emotionally, and Cynthia put it well, set boundaries with the woman friend and the man friend may also have to listen to good advice from you or he will continue to be used.

      Hope things work out well for them!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Dec 4, 2011
    • Cynthia said it well....you have to set boundaries.  But you also have to learn to listen to people without feeling you have to solve their problems.  You’ve listened to them once.  When they told you these problems initially did you give them advice?  If they did not ask for advice and you did not give them any then you‘re done with that conversation.  

      You have to learn to detach yourself “lovingly“.  We all need to learn to “listen” to our family & friends without feeling we need to solve their problems.  If they ask for advice you can say “this is what I’ve been through and this is how I handled it” or “this is what I think I would do“.  And never say “I’m sorry you are going through this” or “I’m sorry you feel this way“....because YOU have NOTHING to be sorry about.  You can say “I hate that for you“...or “I hate you are going through this“...but never say “You‘re sorry“.  

      I’ve learned to do this...and it has helped me to detach from situations that I have no control over.
      The Serenity Prayer says it all.....  

      The Serenity Prayer  

      God grant me the serenity
      to accept the things I cannot change;
      courage to change the things I can;
      and wisdom to know the difference.

      I say this everyday.  Neicy your friends are the only ones that can help themselves.  It’s their choice that they are staying in a relationship or not...or allowing someone to manipulate them or not.  They are choosing this and only they can bring their self out of it.  If they continue to bring up their problems without showing any signs of helping themselves then I would change the subject or have a reason to hang up on the phone. Eventually they will get it.



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