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I had a great friend, until about 4 months ago.  Mourning the loss of a friend is similar to mourning the loss of a loved one.  In fact, a lost best friend is/was a loved one.
“Ava” and I had been acquainances for years, as our sons were on the same soccer team. Then after a tragic loss of 2 people in my family, she came to the “visitation” and our friendship grew quickly from there. Though we are quite different, we both had the same feelings about our parents and growing up. We both had insecurities, had been only children, and had found the sister we never had, in each other.
We spent a great amount of time with each other, shared many intimate secrets, memories, and emotions. Then I had a difficult time of my own, and I felt abandoned and betrayed by her. The person that I had spent so much time with, confided to, depended on, and shared so much with, left me high and dry.
I had a feeling, when we were “acquaintances“, that she was a red flag and/or flaky person. But, her attendance at the visitation and our blossoming friendship set my intuition aside.
I came to believe that not only was she flaky, but she is also and alcoholic. She chooses to spend her weekends getting together with friends, and their families (including young and impressionable children)partying and getting pass out drunk! I do not choose this lifestyle, nor do I want to impart the impression on my children.
So, I feel that my former friend (who BTW is 8 years younger than me) is living the 20 something life that she missed by being a young mother or has different priorities in life.
No matter the age, no matter the priorities, is still makes me question:
1.) Am I getting old and boring?
2.) What did I do or what is wrong with me?
3.) Did I make the right choice to end the friendship?
4.) Am I not living my life to the fullest?
5.) What will bring me joy and happiness without compromising my values, priorities, and faith?
6.) When will the pain of this lost friendship end and the mourning stop?
7.) Now that my kids are older (8 and 13) HOW and who with, can I establish more healthy and fulfilling friendships?
I found that when my kids were younger, MOPS and classroom parent planning sessions filled this void. Now that they are older, I am unable to attend MOPS, and parents are “strangers” passing each other from point A to point B. Between practices, lessons, etc., we all seem to be on a hampster wheel of transporting to various commitments.
I have prayed for this friend, about this friend, and for God to guide me.
Does anyone else share my pain, questioning, and is searching to fill the void?
I would love to hear your experiences and comments!



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Designerchick wrote Sep 14, 2008
    • I’m a recovered alcoholic who lost her bff from childhood because of my addiction. Today I am healthy, sober and living a healthy vibrant life free of alcohol.

      You are right to set clear boundaries with your friend. I know it hurts. I wish that my bf could have stuck by me but I was completely out of control and I now understand the pain I surely caused.

      Many - but certainly NOT all alcoholics have the qualities below:

       act younger than their age -
      low self -esteem and a large ego
      painful wounds from childhood
      family members that are also alcoholic
      unlucky genetics
      manipulative
      over-the-top behavior
      do things that they regret
      feel sorry and do them again...

      When I was drinking I did not care about others - I even began to not care about myself. I was in no position to be a true friend.

      Continue to pray for your friend. Detach yourself from her with love if at all possible. Once she realizes that you are serious she might try to rekindle your friendship. Be careful and practice “self-care” - don’t compromise your own priorities and belief system.  

      Look around - new doors will open and you never know who might extend a hand...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Wife2gregg wrote Sep 14, 2008
    • This clearly is very painful for you but I think you know in your heart it is the best thing.  That doesn’t mean you don’t hurt over the loss.  You‘re not old, you just happen to be the mature adult in this relationship ;)  I believe that God knows when we need deep friendships in our lives and I would continue to pray for His best for you in this area. At times in my life, God has allowed a severing of relationships because they were out of balance and in hindsight, very toxic for me.  (It still hurt very much!) I encourage you to take that energy and pour it into your spiritual relationship and your family and wait on God to direct you into healthier and more positive options.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cyndi wrote Sep 14, 2008
    • I know that when my daughter started high school I wanted to stay in touch with mom’s of kids our age. I joined MOM’s In Touch.. its an international organization that we meet weekly to pray over our kids, their teachers, the school etc. its a great way to meet mothers of kids your age.

      they have a national web site
      momsintouch.org i think..

      good luck, sorry about the loss of your friendship. Perhaps it will make room for a new, even better friendship to form.



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