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[Link Removed]thought you just had. I know how important it is to you. You just moved your foot in nervousness while reading this without knowing it. You read a little more thinking "I better feel something soon or I'm over it." I write something hoping it will either make you feel or think or laugh or cry. There are times, when I am in a group of people, that I will talk and laugh, joke and smile to the point of giddiness. I'll become breathless, my voice will grow louder and my body will buzz with animation. My mania comes out to play.
I was fun to be around during these circumstances. It's a relief to hear I'm entertaining rather than disturbing yet, it sometimes feels, during these occasions, like I'm drunk – not on liquor but on raw brain chemicals. My inhibitions get tossed in the ditch along with my boring personality. But periodically I wear myself out.

I am Bipolar and the term Ecstasy is for me the perfect adjective to describe my mania. The boring, dull, ugly, inhibited, ordinary me whimpers away. While the charming, beautiful, uninhibited, extraordinary me bursts onto the scene, standing at attention, ready and willing for anything and everything. Sometimes the mania is intoxicating! The things I can accomplish! I feel on top of the world! Every sentence I say is brilliant. Every step I take is fluid and graceful! Every song is being sung for me! Colors are brighter, blues, greens, yellow – they've never looked so vibrant.
Ecstasy: To Stand Inside The Self
Then I fall. Hard. I am back inside myself. And this is the last place I should be. Because when I'm here I am very alone. Oh and the thoughts I have! Depressive, scary, hurtful, hateful, belittling thoughts roam here. This is not fun! Unfortunately for me, these episodes last longer than the mania. All I want to do is make the feelings go away. And the only way I know of to make them go away


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