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Over 25 years ago I joined an Adult Children of Alcoholic’s support group and thought I’d learned everything I needed to break through the dysfunction under which I was laboring without even being aware of it. And yes, I did break through a lot of that stuff but the truth is, until I left my husband and started this solo journey on my own, I didn’t know half of what I thought I knew about myself, my motivations, my actions and the way I was thinking.  I’ve come to believe that time alone, time away from the enmeshment is absolutely mandatory to really break free of the invisible ties that bind you to your own unhappiness and lack of fulfillment as a person.  Have any of you out there experienced this as well?  




Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Mar 2, 2010
    • I know that adult children of alcoholics often end up in relationships that may be co dependent or abusive. I applaud you for allowing yourself the freedom to heal and stay on a healthy journey. You have courage and strength.

      I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 10 years and I remember the feeling that I could actually breathe as I drove down the highway away from him for the last time. I have a very clear memory of the elation I felt.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda James-Laville wrote Mar 2, 2010
    • I kind of realized I really needed to get away from him when I saw a Dr. Phil episode where the woman said she had trouble breathing and he told her it was stress from the relationship and that she desparately needed to get relief or something would start happening to her health. That’s exactly where I was, couldn’t get a full breath but didn’t understand what was happening.  Now I breath...most of the time anyway! LOL!  Yes, many regret leaving but I haven’t, not for one day.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Serenity12 wrote Mar 3, 2010
    • I am in this situation right now where I know I need to leave this person but can’t find the strength to do it. We’ve been together 5.5 yrs, not married and don’t live together. I had my 1st panic attack 2 days ago because of all the stress from the relationship and have realized that I need to get out. Why can’t I gather the strength to do it? Why can’t I let go? I do know I’m co-dependent and attend coda meetings weekly. Any input would help greatly. Thanks.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda James-Laville wrote Mar 8, 2010
    • Yes, my life has broadened out tremendously in the past couple of years and I’m looking forward to it getting even wider!  

      Serenity, it’s a difficult thing to decide to remove yourself from what is familiar, at least that was what kept me, that and the kids, in the situation I was in for 38 years.  Even if a situation is bad, we stay because we know what to expect from it, we’ve gotten the training to deal with it. I was talking with my friend last night and she shared with me that observing a recent exchange between myself and my ex husband made her realize that what I had been saying about our relationship being a constant chess game, one that I could never win was really true. She’s amazed that I was able to hang in there as long as I did and not come out of it crazier than I am lol!  We only had maybe days or a week at the most where things would go well then it had to be sabotaged by him to get it back to where he felt comfortable and in control.  I learned to function in that dysfunction and even managed to protect my children to a great degree within it.  I became an expert in how to live that way and now I’m having to let go of all of that and start over in a new reality and though it’s much better than what I had, I’m often freaked out that I’m on my own, that I don’t have that person to lean on (not that I could lean very hard anyway) and the future is completely in my own hands.  Many women get addicted to the idea of a man in their lives even if they aren’t as dependent on them as I was.  The best thing you can do is get out, whatever it takes.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Brown wrote Mar 24, 2010
    • I too was in an abusive relationship, a violent alcoholic ex-husband.  I finally got to the point where I literally decided I would rather be dead than stay, so I moved out.  It was scary because I got married at 16 and took till I was 28 to finally get out. I had never lived alone, going from my mother’s house to my husbands. AlAnon meetings are also helpful.



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