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What can be worse than breaking up with your first love?

Think back to that magical first time you fell in love.  Remember the butterflies in your stomach, the sparkle in your eyes, and the stupid smile on your face?  How even 10 minutes apart from your newfound love could seem like an eternity?  How the simple act of holding hands could make you feel like the most special person on the planet?

Now fast-forward a few weeks, a month, or perhaps even years ahead, and what happened?  You broke up and went your separate ways, most likely never to see each other again.   

Nothing prepared you for the pain, the tears and the emptiness that ensued.  The smile vanished from your face, the sparkle left your eyes, and all you had left was a big, empty hole in your stomach.

Remember how it felt like the end of the world, like nothing could ever hurt that badly again?  Well, here it is 25 years later and you realize that the pain you felt then cannot even remotely be compared to what you’re going through now.   

What on earth could possibly be worse then breaking up with the love of your life?  The answer is simple—it’s watching your child break up with the first love of her life.   

You know that it almost doesn’t matter what you say in order to make her feel better.  You remember (even if it was a quarter of a century ago) how your own mother consoled you and promised that the pain would go away and you would love again.  You remember how you spent hours crying yourself to sleep, wishing that it was all just a dream.  And you recall that it took time, and many dates later, to realize that life wasn’t over and the best was yet to come.   

Most of all, you want to wave a magic wand to take the pain away and make everything all right.  Instead, you rock your “baby’ in your arms, bite your tongue, and try not to say all the things that seem right and necessary, the same words of wisdom your own mother had for you.  You hold her tightly and hope that her pain will subside very quickly, and that you can provide the on-going support and open communication she needs at this time.

And as you sit there fighting to hold back your own tears, you take some comfort in the knowledge (borne from your own painful experience) that this is, after all, only a temporary condition.

All the best,
Yana        

p.s. This was written few years ago, but since today’s newsletter talks about “Getting Dumped“, I thought this would be a good blog to post.

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