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Can You Trust Him?

By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
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Available at GoldenAnniversaries.com, BarnesandNoble.com, and at Bookstores

Here is an undeniable truth about life – actions speak louder than words!  We know, you've heard this all before! But the truth is, you can, and must, judge a man by his actions and not by his words!

Words are cheap.  Actions mean everything!  The truth is always there for all to see when you observe the way people act and respond, rarely by what they say.  This truth is self-evident – good men practice what they preach.  Here's why.

In answer to the question, "How will I know I can trust him?," you must always remember this – you can tell a lot about a man by his actions.  How does he respond to you?  How does he treat you?  How does he treat your friends, your family, your children, his dog, and all of the others you love?  How does he treat the janitor?  The person who cuts your grass?  The checker at the supermarket?

Real men say what they mean and act the same way.  Real men, good men, decent men, will always demonstrate who they are by their consistent actions.  To know the real truth about a man – pay close and careful attention to him over a period of several weeks and then ask yourself this question – is he really what he appears to be?  Consistent actions on his part will tell you what you need to know, for good or for bad.

Lately, we have been working with a couple that has been married for nearly 20 years and they are calling it quits.  Why just today, she told us that it was time to get out of the relationship – time to "fish or cut bate."  For nearly 20 years, her husband had mentally abused her and the children, while all the time boasting about how much he loved them.  Actions speak louder than words!

But the truth is, you can't really love your children when you constantly berate them.  You can't truly love anyone that you put down, yell at, or constantly point out their failings and their frailties.

When you love someone, you learn to live with their failings, their mistakes, and their transgressions.  In the end, you love them for what they are – for what they are in their heart and in their soul.

We all make mistakes.  We all do dumb things from time to time.  And the truth is, we more often than not, recover from the shortcomings we have.  Honest, one-time mistakes are forgivable.  On the other hand, repeated actions reveal who a person really is – for good or for bad.

A psychologist friend of ours reminds us from time to time about the "pervasive characteristics" present in human beings.  These are "recurring patterns of thought and behavior" that defines a person – that tells us who they are.  And recurring patterns of thought and behavior for the most part do not change when a person is an adult.  In reality, these pervasive characteristics define who you are.  Oh, sure, some people can cover up their real personality characteristics from time to time, but if you observe them long enough you will learn who they really are.

When someone you are observing over time repeatedly and consistently demonstrates through their actions and deeds the pervasive characteristics present in them you must pay attention!  If a man is truly a good person you can trust you will see it in their actions.  Don't be fooled by words that are contrary to their actions.

All too often in life, people fall in love blindly.  They refuse to make note of how of the actions of another person define them.  They pay too much attention to words and way too little to actions.

When you fall in love make it for all the right reasons.  Don't ignore the signs.  Don't ignore the glitches.  Pay attention and your reward will, more often than not, be true love with a man you can trust.  Ignore his actions and you do so at your own peril.

Love well!


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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Nov 1, 2008
    • Very well said Liz.

      Love is blind, but that’s good for twenty years old, we at our age should know better and never convince ourselves that the actions that are inappropriate should be acknowledged and dealt with.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Darla5 wrote Nov 1, 2008
    • One of my favorite  books is ...The Last Lecture.

      Randy is leaving advice for 18 month old daughter, since he knows he will not be around because of cancer.

      “When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it’s realy simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.”

      Here you are saying the same thing. Thanks for the sound advice to all of us.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Bobbi Bacha wrote Nov 1, 2008
    • Trust but verify.  by Ronald Reagan.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Darla5 wrote Nov 1, 2008
    • Bobbi, I love that...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sktrmom wrote Nov 1, 2008
    • All of you would jump all over my situation. I’m starting to agree with you and understand exactly what you are saying...and I don’t know what to believe anymore at this point there are so many mixed messages.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Nov 1, 2008
    • Where were you when I was in my 30’s? Your wise words ring so true with me. I gave 10 years, my entire 30’s to a man who treated me like a piece of furniture yet said he loved me. The mixed messages, the hurtful comments, the drunken rants followed by professions of love and actually explaining to me how I caused the abuse in the first place! I’m so grateful for the reminder here in this post never ever to allow it to happen again.

      Thank you
      Cynthia



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz wrote Nov 1, 2008
    • Greeneyelady,

      That is our favorite quote of all time.  Ronald Reagan had it exactly correct when it comes to men . . . Trust but verify!  Thanks for adding that terrific piece of advice for everyone.

      Liz and Charley



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz wrote Nov 1, 2008
    • Chocolatier,

      Unfortunately there are just too many women out there who got hooked by the words without watching the actions.  That is why we wrote this article.  We want them to learn before they too waste all of their 30s with a man who doesn’t really care about them or even know how to demonstrate true love.  Women deserve better!!!!

      Liz and Charley



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Bobbi Bacha wrote Nov 1, 2008
    • Liz and Charley, Thanks and Darla, chocolatier.  Its sooo true.  Ronald Reagan.  One of a kind.



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