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Cats Are Just Easier


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In anticipation of hearing from you Mothers around the world who are fully appreciative and grateful beyond measure for all the children you have, indeed, you know something that we don't.  However, I am defending those of us who see you all in situations where you look like you'd give your child away to the nearest bystander as the child lays flat on the floor at Target pitching a hell-cat fit that no human can control.

Cats are just easier.  And, unlike homo sapiens, they do know unconditional love.  I believe that Mothers love their children differently, and that they do have favorites (especially if they have five or more...come on!).  This is true also with people who have cats, but in our case, we can pretty much ignore the unfavored kitty while lavishing praise and smooches onto our favorite feline without fear of damaging the infant for life.  Oh, and we can sterilize our cats before they even know what's hit them.  As a matter of fact, we're asked to do it.  

Considering the maternal instinct gene being somewhat malformed in my psyche (and, I'm not pointing any fingers here...ahemmm), it's better that I chose to be childless.  I would have been so paranoid that my child would do something wrong that I probably would have just seat-belted him or her to the couch until they were eighteen.  And, with MY control issues, they would have started taking drugs at a very early age...aside from the Valium that I would have given them daily to keep them compliant.  The whole thing would not have been pretty...or fair.

Being childless at this age is really groovy because society no longer shuns me like a smoker lighting up on an airplane in coach.  Since ours is not a perfect world, I think it's safe to say that if I had procreated, my children would not be drawn to care for me in my declining years.  Of course, my cats wouldn't either, but we arrive alone and leave alone, so I'm okay with that.  And, I wouldn't have to worry in the afterlife about what my children might say about me.  The Ancient One needn't worry about this in our case because she always 'suggested' that being childless might be something we would want to consider.  There's that maternal instinct thingy again.

Besides, there SURE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE ON THE PLANET. I'm just contributing some negative, open space.

KK

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Well, it's too bad about the state of the world these days.  As usual, there is war, famine, and really bad traffic on I-35.  Fires are destroying the rain forests and left side of America, hurricanes are drowning the bottom side of America and terrorists are planning to bring us down in the most horrible ways they can imagine.  Tornados are destroying the Midwest fields and trailer parks, the ice caps are melting and mud slides are collapsing and changing the configuration of the shoreline of California.  I'm not even going to go into the starvation and slaughter of innocent people all over the world.  Let's see?what can I do that would bring me solace and make me feel loved and fulfilled in this terrible world?  I know!  I'll have a baby!  Yeah, that's it.  What's one more soul in the world?  No one will notice.

What are these people thinking?  I knew at an early age that I would never bring another being into this world.  I know that there are many pleasures in the third dimension of experiencing life.  There are tastes and smells and dances that the angels envy.  I read somewhere that there are many souls in the outer-body experience who are anxiously waiting to enter into this worldly experience.  There are lessons to be learned from it and growth to take back to the spiritual realm.  Sheesh, hard way to go.

All of the above is bullshit.  What I really feel is that having a child is a responsibility for which I was never ready to commit.  Doctor's appointments, school expenses, waking up early to feed a child that's screaming because you didn't put strawberry jam on his eggs? I'm sorry, I just can't do it.

They say having children is the most powerful and beautiful thing that can happen in life.  They are honest (not? they lie all the time), they give you unconditional love (not if you don't give them that yellow cereal they saw in a commercial), and they are pure little three-dimensional beings of awareness.  Tell that to a woman who is changing a diaper full of poop or the mother who just wiped the snot off of her child's nose in the middle of the line at the grocery store as it cries out like a baby bird for every shiny impulse item at the check-out counter.

You don't miss what you never had.  Have your kids if you want to but don't tell me not to park in the 'Cars With Kids Only' section at Whole Foods.  Screw that.  They should put up a sign that says, 'Parking for Middle-aged Women Only' and then line it with boxes full of 'Free Kittens'.

SalGal



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