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** Change **

   Wow what a word with so much meaning to it. We use that word in almost an everyday basic English. We have Change at work, Change at home, Change in relationships, Change in our children, Change in where we live, Change of moods, Change of  clothes.

  Change is all around us, yet most of us do not even notice it. I do, now. My daughter has changed and not  for the better, both my son’s changed, one moved back home, and the other moved far away.  

  But to look at myself and see what Change has done to me, its like a big book, without reading all the pages. I have changed so much about where I live, what I wear, how I look , what I want, and what I don’t want. I am sure you all can agree that without noticing it change is part of our everyday lives.

   I don’t like change, as in moving, or relationships. I know many who live for change. I am the type of person that a large change can put me into a whirl wind spin. It seems to really take me a long time to adapt to a change that will effect my life.

   I know while I was working, oh I had so much fun, it was me, it made who I was. I had my children, but chose to work, I always said ” I was not meant to be a stay at home“, because work was my identity away from being a mother, wife, or girlfriend. It allowed me the time I wanted and needed to have the time to be a manager of the company, and then it all Changed.

    I went to work one day and my foot was so swollen, yet I thought I had maybe been stung by something that weekend as I had gone camping. The swelling continued to get worse, and the pain, oh the pain was so bad.  

    I saw my doctor and we started running tests, then found out in the end that I was sicker then just a swollen foot. I had so many diagnosis’s that was given from the doctors and the specialists I had to see. It was  time consuming, scary and I still was trying to work as much as possible. Eventually my doctor was to write a letter allowing me to go back to work, and he wouldn’t. nor would the surgeon who did my surgery on my spine, or the specialists I had to see. They all said ” You can no longer work“, you have a lot of problems going on, and they did not foresee me ever working again. Not work ?  What are they crazy? What do you mean not work?  

    I thought I could process this but I couldn’t . I thought that it would get better and the doctors were wrong that I would be back at work. No. They were all right. I never returned back to work. And that was the beginning to the end of a home, marriage, relationships with others, and most important, what I felt of myself. I hated this, I still hate this, and its been 5 yrs.  

     The Dr. put me on anti-depressants, and said I would eventually become use to what it would be like to stay at home and let myself become use to not working. Let me let you know.. It never happened. I still can’t get over the fact that I am at home, stuck at home, and in so much  pain.  

     Yes that one main word ’ Change ’ ruined so much in my life that I still have not been able to get over it. I didn’t ask for this, I never once thought that my swollen foot and the pain would end up being so much more.

   Would you like me to share with you what is wrong? I have Fibromyalgia, Lupus, Arthritis, Osteo-Arthritis, Osteoporosis, and now possibly M.S. in which I am starting all the testing again this month.

      I am only 42yrs old. I am now on many medicines and much pain. No job, living off disability pay, and believe me that pay is very little, and less then half of what my salary was. I only get one check a month now. And trying to pay all the bills off of only $ 864.00 a month. Wow.. Now that was a big Change.

   As well as when my ex husband left me, because he said, ” I could and never would be a whole woman to him being disabled “. So in turn he put me and my children out. We ended up homeless because it took over 3 yrs. to get approved for disability.  

   Change, a simple word yet with so much more meaning then anyone could ever think of.




Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Aug 23, 2010
    • WOW! WOW! WOW! ohhhhohhhhohhhh I am so sorry to hear of your story to a degree and let me explain. Yes change can be very devastating as well as rewarding. I see a brighter future for you in the midst of your trials, trust me "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" , and trust me you will have joy again. I know it is hard to see where I'm going with this and knowing where you were at one point in your life, but you can and will still have joy. You are still a blessed woman, look beyond your conditions, and your current status, you are still blessed! You still have your life, you woke up clothed in your right mind, your children, they are healthy thank God! You have some finances coming in, it may not be much to you for what you want but it is taking care of some of your needs, you still have a voice to speak, I don't know what your belief is and it matters not to me but,I sense a great woman who is being challenged for a purpose and you are going to make it. I will keep you and your family in my prayers, God bless you.

      "AND WE KNOW THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD TO THEM WHO LOVE GOD, TO THEM WHO ARE THE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE."
      (Rom. 8:28)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Aug 23, 2010
    • I am so very sorry that all of this has happened to you. Thank you for sharing with us so we can keep you in our thoughts and prayers.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Aug 23, 2010
    • Andrea, so sorry to read this, in many ways it is my story. I’m still trying to get my disability approved and it is a slow process as you well know. We are here for you and hope to get to know you and encourage you where we can.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Aug 23, 2010
    • Andrea,
      Your take on change was very interesting. It is my experience that change is rarely for the better so I guess I have come to fear it.  So sorry you’ve had to go through so much!



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