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After dealing with all of the things that I have over the last few months, it occurs to me that perhaps the one main thing that should change is me.  I have always put everyone else in front of me and worked hard to meet their needs at the expense of my own.  This of course has resulted in me training my family to believe that my needs are unimportant.  I am finally working to change things about me in an effort to make me feel better.  At times, I feel like a non-person and I am finally starting to realize that only I can change that.  I have begun with finally getting my husband to understand that I have to have my meds, no matter what.  I wonder how many of us have made everything so much about everyone else that somehow we lost ourselves.  How do you go about finding you again?  How do you go about becoming someone again?


Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Jan 17, 2009
    • Most women go thru what you have. Believe me you are not alone. I believe the 1st step to taking back your importance is to start by treating yourself that way. If you don’t do it first no one else will follow. Even if you have discussions with your husband about it. You have to do it. I know it’s hard to overcome those feelings of guilt or selfishness but you have to try.
      My thought to myself was always this.... If something happened to me who would take care of my children?
      That was always my motivation!

      Take a moment and curl up with a book, hot tea or Fab40. Do this for yourself.

      Many Blessings....

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coachmombabe wrote Jan 17, 2009
    • Suzette, you have had a very powerful revelation! And know this, to begin caring for yourself is not selfish, it’s prudent. If you do not take care of you, who will?  

      There are many ways you can re-discover yourself.  

      First think back to the things your truly enjoy, even in childhood. They may hold “clues” to some unfulfilled dream. Find a way to reconnect with that passion, as minnow is suggesting.

      Find a little slice of time each day to fill your “love” tank. We get depleted with all the giving out, especially if no one else is purposing to fill us up. What are the things that communicate love to you? Flowers? Music? A good book or story? Time with a dear friend? Time to yourself? Doing something creative? Put a little of that in to each day as a gift to yourself.

      Draw some new boundaries. Often when I suggest this people think I’m encouraging them to battle for space with others. Not so. When you decide on your new boundaries, first you must educate others that you are changing things. They will probably resist at first. But now that they are aware, all you have to do is remind them, calmly, gently and lovingly (but firmly) that this is the new way you are doing things. They will eventually get used to it.

      Lastly, don’t make this about them. It’s not their fault, it’s just time for you to be the one in charge of your life.  It is up to you! I hope you enjoy your new found liberation!

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Jan 17, 2009
    • What I did for me was to start reading some postive books - some of them are listed on my profile page. And that was a catalyst for me to change my attitude and move towards finding the me that I buried years ago. I don’t know why we think we have to give up who we are so that we can serve our families. My kids have grown up not really knowing me for who I really am. I am now trying to remedy that! :)
      I see that you are from GA too. Welcome to Fab40. This has been a lifeline group for me as well. The support and encouragement I have gotten here has really helped to move me forward.

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