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Actually that’s not really the question but that was what was used to argue the TRUE question...“Why can’t I have more independence?!”

Welcome to teenagers!

Having just recently turned 40 and still able to pull up those teenage years... the feelings, dramas and desires... I try very hard to be fair, thoughtful and understanding with both of my teenage sons.  But since my whole childhood was absolutely nothing like theirs - and the fact that I am female - certainly makes things difficult.

Luckily I have a very loving, caring and supportive husband of almost 19 years who also reflects and understands what his sons are going through - even though his childhood was completely different as well.

I try very hard to be careful of what battles I choose, knowing that there could and may come a day when the battle will be a very serious and difficult one - this always helps me keep things in perspective.  Mostly I reflect on all the things I was doing at their age and then shudder and pat myself on the back that thank goodness my boys aren’t doing what I did....if they only knew!

But for some reason the coffee issue is bothering me more than I expected and I’m not sure why.  

Is it because it was his first true “rebellious” push?  

Is it because his girlfriend loves coffee and so now he has to drink it (even though he denies it - yet less than a month ago he said he didn’t like coffee when he tried it!)?  

It is because he already has one cup of English breakfast tea every morning to wake himself up (which I buys special for him)and usually another after he gets home from school?

Is it because it’s one of the few items we splurge on in the household (being fair trade and organic) and so it’s more of a luxury and he doesn’t contribute financially to the household...yet?

Of course, being a 16 year old he wants to know the reasons why.  And at this age “Because I said so.” just doesn’t cut it!  So I googled the effects of coffee on teenagers and from what I found it says it depletes calcium from your body.  Great!  I can use that as our final answer, especially since he does not drink enough milk (unless it’s in his tea).  But, it also means he will turn it on us and say we shouldn’t be drinking it either.

But it really isn’t about the coffee at all!  It’s all about the “Wishing he can be more independent.”

Ahhh, the teenage turmoils... how I DON‘T miss them at all!

Autumn



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Dec 31, 2008
    • Are you sure it’s not more about him growing up and needing you less?

      I know when my daughters were that age I had to keep asking myself that question. No I don’t miss my teenage turmoils or my daughters.

      Good luck!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Autumneyes wrote Dec 31, 2008
    • Hi Vikki,

      I think I should probably add that to my questions. :)  The irony is that I want him to be more independent and I know the attitude is all part of the equation of growing up (and me looking forward to the day he moves out..ha!) but it’s still...COFFEE?!  (shaking head).

      Autumn



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Dec 31, 2008
    • LOL!!!! Well it’s good that it’s nothing more than coffee... I’m still looking for that bottle of Patron.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Dec 31, 2008
    • As a mom of many and now working on teenager #4, I have relented in some areas where I was adamant before. It might be because my oldest (iron willed) daughter left home, thumbed her nose, and has done everything possible to defy us and her moral upbringing. Coffee - sure, smokes - no way, alcohol - taste it if you want, clothes - more going with the flow so long as skin is covered. Each child is different, but I am realizing that sometimes they just want to do ‘grown-up’ things as they stretch their wings. We are going through a ton of coffee (even I drink it more now that my teenagers are making it most days.) That said, we don’t ‘do’ soda at our house even though they are occasionally allowed to have them when we are out. I just don’t buy it. Don’t drink it. But coffee, I have given in to. estatic



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Autumneyes wrote Dec 31, 2008
    • Thanks - that’s the reminders I keep giving myself, but it’s always good to hear it from others.  Could be worse (I had to google Patron...never tried it before...is it good?)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Autumneyes wrote Dec 31, 2008
    • Yep...it’s just coffee...could be worse.  Just need to get over it and let him have a “taste” of the independence that he wants...but now that I’ve stood my ground I really hate backing down! LOL



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Dec 31, 2008
    • Actually, it is good for them to see compromise with explanation, and followed with these are areas that are moral in nature, so I can’t compromise there. My kids know that high fructose corn syrup is a ‘moral’ issue of sorts for me, so they know where I will give in and where I won’t. estatic Sugar - yes, high fructose corn syrup - no, artificial sweeteners - absolutely not. LOL



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