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Here I go again....found another interesting book with funny phrases....this time it is “Dr. Larry”  his book  “563 Stupid Things People Do to Mess Up Their Lives“...Dr. Larry is an Internationally Renowned Psychotherapist....he writes books on “condescending wisdom”   I LOVE IT!!!    

Here is a sampling from his book “563 Stupid Things People Do to Mess Up Their Lives:  (enjoy!)

1.  Be featured on America’s Most Wanted

“I would not consider being featured on this particular show a personal victory, despite the accepted tenet that any publicity is good publicity”

2. Have your fifteen minutes of fame.

“Knowing it will not be at the Oscars but rather on your front lawn, where you are engaged in some sort of drunken domestic dispute“.

3.  Join the Flying Wallendas.

“Even the Wallendas probably wish they had a different last name so they wouldn’t have to fall hundreds of feet to their premature deaths.”

4.  Dance the macarena

“You looked stupid doing the macarena when it was briefly popular, and you’ll look exponentially stupider now.”

5.  Limbo

“Doing the limbo should be allowed only in the Caribbean after consuming many drinks with paper umbrellas.  You deserve to slip a disk if limboing in any other circumstances.”

6. Participate in a line dance

“There are few sights more depressing than a group of adults doing a  line dance.  Boot-scoot yourself in the butt if you suddenly find yourself part of one.”

7.  Believe in fate

“Believing there is some sort of grand design or that things happen for a reason only reinforces the idea that you do not control your own destiny.  Walk in front of a bus and see what kismet has in store for you, fate boy.”

8.  Ask a woman if she is pregnant.

“There is about a fifty-fifty chance that she is not pregnant at all but has simply discovered the miracle that is Krispy Kreme doughnuts.  Do not find out this information firsthand“.

9. Refer to yourself by a single name

“Cher, Madonna, and Sting can get away with this because they have talent.  Unless you‘re going to call yourself “Goofy“, you better use both your names“.

10.  Send an annual letter to your friends and family

“No one cares that you and your family went to Six Flags in May or that Bobby scored a goal at soccer camp.  Just because you have to endure your mundane existence does not mean that the rest of us should“.

11.  Confess

“Admitting guilt will only get you into more trouble than you are already in.  There are plenty of reasons to account for the presence of that naked person in your bed once you really stop to consider that total range of possible explanations“.

12.  Incite a riot.

“Don’t go stirring up trouble by turning a crowd of peaceful protestors into an angry mob.  Use your outstanding charisma for more personally rewarding purposes, like persuading old people to give you their live savings“.

13. Respond to an ad for “models”

“This will not be your big break.  This will be your big opportunity to get naked before a complete stranger with a camera”

14.  Get addicted to a soap opera

“Soon you will be taping episodes of The Days of Our Lives and watching them at night.  Then your life will offically be over.

15.  Sleep with a hotel bedspread.

“If you knew what was still on it, you would never sleep with one or even stay in a hotel again“.

and finally....if you read my previous posts....see...even a Doctor is in agreement with me....

16.  If you Drive a large pickup or sports utility vehicle.

“Apparently everyone but you knows this obviously means you have a tiny penis.  Get rid of that two ton phallic symbol if you‘re wondering why everyone is laughing and pointing at you.”

Lisa xo


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