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some of you may have read some of the things I have said on other blogs about having had 2 going on three surgries since I arrived in GA apparently I waited to long in having them and have caused myself irreprible nerve damage.  

   I will be on muscle relaxors and nerve pain for the rest of my life. I am currently a candidate to have an interal nerve stimulator (any one out there have one???)

   I am 41 and I am teacher, mother, and wife. I can honsetly tell you I have been in a seriously dark place lately. my doctor ran a bunch of tests and told me that my seratonin levels are off and that cronic pain can cause this to happen.  

So before you go through any surgery any major medical decision, get right with your spouse, your friends and your job. Because the guilt and the side effects or repricutions can far out last the work its self. If it is serious and can possible in my case I barly slid by, could have become paralized. Someone out there was looking out for me.  

  I feel guilty, call it maternal guilt, with both my sudents and my kids. I have days were getting out of bed and getting dresses is as much enthusiasm as I can muster.  

next my poor husband well he isnn’t getting as much love as he once was. Yet I know he loves me and we are going to make it, we have been a lot. we grew up together.

Why am I writing this, I just came back from the doctor, listened to all my choices and was told that my condition may in fact get worse before it gets better. I am in fact a 41 body that feels 105 and thoughts and sense of humor of someone so much younger. This has allowed me to vent, rather then put more stress on my husband and my family. Who have their own issues.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Jan 12, 2009
    • No one can truly understand what it’s like to live with chronic pain unless you experience it first hand. I don’t know what it is like although I lived with a man who was in constant pain. My heart went out to him. It was with him all the time.

      I pray you get some relief from this. I know it wears on you. It’s an awful thing to live with.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Theresa Simmons wrote Jan 12, 2009
    • also, i know what your going thoughive been living with cronic back pain for years .somedays i dont even want get out orf bed.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jan 12, 2009
    • We are here for you to vent, to shed tears, to cry out, to feel loved... you will be in my prayers.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tori Santos wrote Jan 12, 2009
    • china doll your english is far better than most of the students I teach.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Csento1816 wrote Jan 12, 2009
    • You are in my thoughts and prayers, may you be comforted by the love of your family and friends on the site. And may you work through the beast (quilt).tongue out



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Termite wrote Jan 12, 2009
    • I am sorry to hear of your chronic pain. I couldnt imagine what it is like to live like that.  Please know that you have many friends here who are willing to lend an ear when it all gets to be too much for you! Sometimes just talking helps you to forget about the pain, for a little while anyway.  My prayers are with you!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Owlmaria wrote Jan 22, 2009
    • You are also in my prayers. People who can't see our pain don't understand what it's like to live day to-day with it. An example-true expeirience!!! There was a Dr. @ our local hospital who never believed in how bad the pain was, he said to the husband of the patient"She needs to be in the Mental Unit for her problem!" This made the husband furious. Well, about three months later the same woman goes in & has to see this same Dr. This time he is completely changed "Oh, we'll get her something for the pain first then we'll run tests to see what's wrong."  Guess what??  The Dr. had been having problems also until he found out he had CANCER!!! Don't give up. I know it hurts (in many ways & many people around you) but hopefully there will be relief for you soon.  Love & Prayers,  Maria



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Faye43 wrote Jan 4, 2010
    • I have chronic pain in my back and feet. It is no fun at all. Since I lost my labor job several years ago I decided to go back to school. I can no longer do the hard physical labor I did for 20 years. My struggle is that I am starting out so to speak; taking on a new career path. Therefore I have the uncertainty of a teenager but the body of an old lady. The two do not mix very well. I am going through some very rough times right now also so I know what you mean. Hang in there my dear friend. The only thing that keeps me going when things seem hopeless is the realization that they cannot get much worse; improvement is inevitable. happy  Faye



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