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Each time I go to a movie and they play the Kid Rock song warrior,it reminds me of my father.He passed on in 2001.But his memory lives strong in my heart and in my children’s. It has always amazed me how different things are without him. How many things remind me of him each and every day. The difference in my relationship with my mother,how my children feel about her,and the incidents following his death still confuse and amaze me. Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone else know the things the military puts their men and their families through? I never believed my grief counselor who told me his voice would only get louder as time passed and I would cling to those things he taught me. But I remember being a military child like a scar burned on me forever.It is a mixed bag of emotions to say the least.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Chattycathie wrote Sep 29, 2008
    • If you would like to write or tell your story about your dad on our new website we would love to hear it.
      Tributes can be placed under the family section

      [Link Removed]

      It is not an easy thing to lose a parent.  Its like losing a part of yourself.  I lost my mom 22 years ago and my dad is 88 and not in good health, so I worry every day of hearing that he has gone too.  You learn to move on, get on with life, but you never forget or stop missing them.  Sometimes I still wish I could pick up the phone and have a conversation with my mom.  She always had a way of clearning my head after a discussion—I still miss that.  You never stop missing and you never forget until the day you pass on.

      Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy?  Last year Christine(character) was talking to George (charater) after his father died.  She said “Welcome to the club, its a club you don’t want to be in, but once your in it only those in it can understand”  She was talking about losing a parent.  That line was so good, because it is so true.  The only one who can understand the grief of a parent is someone else who has lost a parent.  

      Hope you stop by my site and share your stories and a tribute to your dad.

      Cathie


      Chattycathie, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Julied61 wrote Sep 30, 2008
    • I lost my Dad 3 years ago and still cry.  My Mom is still here but he was my friend, coffee buddy and I worshipped him.  My son keeps all his keepsakes in a drawer by the bed and said if the house catches on fire, he’ll grab that drawer first.  And, yes, relationship with my mom has changed.  I miss her, too.  It’s just not the same but Dad was always kind of a buffer and peacemaker there. I still think of him EVERY morning when I have that first sip of coffee.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Chattycathie wrote Oct 1, 2008
    • It is funny how family relationships change.  My sister and my dad were best friends and my mom and I were best friends.  But when my mom died, my dad and sister couldn’t even talk to each other.  My sister was mad at my dad for dating right away.  But men do that, especially men who had a good marriage.  My sister thought he would turn to her, but instead he turned to me, and that made her mad too.  But see even though I had a hard time with my dad dating too—I had a talk with my mom before she died and she told me that my dad would probably date right away, and made me promise not to give him a hard time.  She told me he promised her not to get married again to a year after her death, and he respected that wish. Actually he waiting almost two years.

      Anyway the point being is that when a family member dies, it does change the way families relate to one and other.  But after time a new way of working with the family comes through.  Plus with a death everyone grieves in their own way. Your mothers reaction to you may be part of how she is dealing with her loss.  In time the family settles into a new way of dealing with each other, and once you get used to this, that becomes comfortable.  I found the easiest way to deal with my family members after death is take myself out of my own grief and focus on what they too must be going through.  It helps you have more empathy and buffers the your feelings or reactions to change.

      Change is never good, and I know no matter what people say, that death is not natural.  True everyone dies, but if it was natural we would accept it, and nobody accepts it.  It is our enemy.  However it is a part our life and something we have to learn to deal with.  It takes a great deal of love and empathy to help everyone in your family accept it.

      Just a side point, if you would like to have a memory of your dad made, our business creates montages.  With pictures and video we can create a tribute to your father that can tell his story.  Many of our clients tell us how these videos are a real comfort to them when they are missing their loved one.  One widow said every time she missed her husband she would stick the dvd in and it was like having a visit with her husdand.  If you are interested, take a look at our site.  I know its not the same as having your dad there.  However, it may help.  I know when my mom died, one thing I worried about was that I would forget her, and pictures were very important to me.  I never forgot her, in fact my friends say I quote her all the time.  She was a very smart woman.

      I feel for your grief.  But know in time it does get easier.  It doesn’t heal completely, but every year it gets easier to deal with.  I wish you the best.



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