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This is my first blog ever.  I feel I need to write some of my feelings and hopefully get some feedback.  My mother died last week.

It was not a surprise as she had several back surgeries about 12 years ago and just never recovered.  For the past 12 years my step-dad has been her caretaker.  She had been on heavy pain medications.  She was in and out of the hospital about every six weeks by ambulance because of her additional health issues.  She had asthma, COPD, MRSA and possibly other things I don’t know about.

Even though I know in my head that she is finally out of pain and in the arms of our Lord, I still feel so much pain.  It is worse when I go to my step-dad’s house because he is in worse shape than I am.  He was such a devoted husband and friend.  She never really understood the depth to which he loved and loves her still.heartbreak

My mother made it very clear that she did not want a burial or funeral or service of any kind and I respect that.  I asked my dad (it is what I call him) if we could have a gathering for our friends and he said that is not what she wanted.  I know how badly we all are grieving but I think it would be good to have people get together to remember the good times.  I just do not want anyone coming up to either one of us and boo-hoo cry.  It is hard enough to keep our own selves together.  He said it would be okay.  Suddenly, I have a goal, I can do something constructive and I feel a little better.

Has anyone else felt the same?
Are there any other suggestions?  I don’t think I am up for a support group, but maybe.




Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nerissa wrote Jul 25, 2010
    • I feel your pain.  heartI lost my beloved mother last year in May. It is something that you never get over. You will find as time goes by you take great pride and comfort in being her daughter. You are the living legacy of love. Take the time and thoughtfully plan out what you would like others to share in remembrance of your mother. Whether it is dance, music, poetry, it will all come together beautifully. My mothers memorail service certainly did. God helped me to orchestarte a loving tribute. Best of all and most surprising, my mothers physician came to the service, he spoke of her, her strong willed spirit trying to be nice. Those that knew and loved her had to smile and laugh. The poor man was lying through his teeth. Then he spoke of me, things that I had never thought of, how I cared for her lovingly and did everything in my power to keep her here with me, I was aw struck, He spoke of me and my love for my mother. I don’t cry as much for the loss, I  now smile a lot when I think of all the beautiful memories that she left me to keep me company till we meet again.  And I know we shall meet again as my journey ends. Untill then the Lord will comfort you my dear friend, be encouraged. Mounring last into night, but joy cometh in the morning (something like that), but it is true in time the joy will come back to you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Chara Jepson wrote Jul 25, 2010
    • Thank you so much for your words of understanding and comfort.  It amazes me how I can feel two completely different emotions simultaneously and equally.  I know in my heart that she is finally out of pain which was confirmed by her peaceful look on her face.  It was as if she was 20 years younger.  She was beautiful in death as she was beautiful in life.  I did not see her body lying in the hospital bed, but my memory of her as a vibrant, extraordinary woman was what stays with me.  I deeply miss her and I am grateful that I got to be by her side as she took her last breath and ascended on her journey from this world.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nerissa wrote Jul 25, 2010
    • God bless you, what you say is so very true! My favorite picture in the whole world is me and my Mom sitting on my Grandfathers boat. I was a little girl, front teeth missing with braids smiling up at my Mommy. There she was looking chic, sophisticated, cool as a cucumber smiling right back at me showing those beautiful legs of hers. Oh yeah, I’ve got those same legs,  after all she’s my Mommy and always will be. The very best of her is what she put right inside of meheart.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Jul 25, 2010
    • everyone goes through the grief process in their own personal way. Whatever you‘re feeling is absolutely alright. It’s wonderful that your stepfather was such a loving husband and companion to her. She was truly blessed as she was blessed to have you for a daughter.heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Wookiemom09 wrote Jul 25, 2010
    • My mother in law passed away in May and requested no official memorial or funeral.  What was planned was a dinner party and gathered all of the family and friends and talked about good times. Laughed till they cried and laughed more.  It was very healing not only for her sons but everyone there.  Everyone brought pictures and momentoes of events of girls nights out, movies, trips and such for everyone to share.  Even had some of her favorite food from several restaurants.  I won’t say no one cried in general as all of us couldn’t help but cry.  However it was a great celebration of her life.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Jul 25, 2010
    • great words by great ladies, I myself have told my kids I don’t want any type of service or funeral. If yhey choose to get together afterwards, I hope it is just my three boys and that they eat and laugh and share good memories....if they choose to do anything else, well that’s on them and I’m okay with it. {{HUGS}} I can only imagine the depth of her pain as I am recovering from my 4th back surgery.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheekymonkey wrote Jul 26, 2010
    • heartChara, you don’t even know what a special place you’ve found. I am fairly new as well and I to started just because of grief and needed to get things out and it’s easier when you don’t know the people. but I stayed for the amount of true compassion, caring, and wisdom that pours from this site and in the process I am getting to know some AMAZING women. My story is out there if you care to read but it’s about the responces or compassion and love I recieved back that I’d like you to read.
      Being here you just set your foot on the path to healing and you don’t even know it. The path isn’t short or easy but a compassionate, kind word and an ear can make it a little more bearable. You have support here so I guess we are a support group. Lol but we‘re comical, smart and witty. It’s healing.
      I’m so sorry for your loss and that of your dad’s. But a dinner to CELEBRATE her life and the life’s of those gathered is far from a memorial. God bless you and your family and we are here for you.heartbreakheartbreakheartheart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nerissa wrote Jul 26, 2010
    • When my time comes, The procession song will be “A Prayer for the Dying” by Seal. My sons know this, they have known it for many years, I don’t want anyone to be sad or cry, share all the good times we shared together, then there will be great laughter and sparkles in eyes. Listen to the words  “crossing that bridge with lessons I’ve learned, playing with fire and not getting burned, I may know what you are going through but time is the space between me and you, Life carrys on.” I just love that song..heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      MaryAnne Carrier-Harrison wrote Jul 26, 2010
    • Chara,

      My prayers are with you and your family.  May you find the peace and comfort in your friends and family when you get together to remember your mothers life. It is an amazing Idea that I will share with my husband as his mother had asked for no services and I think he needs to do something like this to feel the peace and comfort that he has been missing.heartbreak

      God bless!heart

      Hugz,

      MaryAnne



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Jul 26, 2010
    • I know what you are going through and how you feel.. in feb 2010, my step dad passed away, and in april 2010 momma passed away... she didnt want anything either.. However what we did was have a celebration of her life, on her birthday 16 may 10.. as it was stated, everyone grief process is different.. we are all here for you!

      heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Chara Jepson wrote Jul 27, 2010
    • Thank you, new friends for all the kind words and support.  Who knew that in the middle of grieving, one of my suggestions helped someone else.  God does work in mysterious ways indeed.  Today is a little better than yesterday.  Tomorrow I have to go back to work at a high-stress position. So I will see how I handle tomorrow.

      Thank you again for responding.



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