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A while back I wrote a blog about my 15 year old daughter’s room being horribly messy.  I’ve been on her ever since to clean it and keep it clean.

I decided finally to give the room a cleaning myself, a complete THERESA style cleaning.  As me and my 25 year old daughter walked into the room (15 year old was gone for the day at color guard competition) I sat down on the bed and started picking up clothes off the floor to wash.  I picked up a folded up piece of paper on the floor and opened it, and as my daughter said shoot I wouldn’t read that...I was already on the second sentence which stated simply that her ex-boyfriend thought it was weird that she had sex with his best friend.

I thought I was going to die right then and there.  I told my 25 year old daughter what I just read as the color of the world changed from bright blue to complete darkness.  I couldn’t hear anything and I started to feel faint.

I can not even write it all right now because I’m at work and will start to cry, but I need to express this to my ladies here, so bare with me as I write this in parts.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • 3sa, breathe I know it is a shocker and believe you me you‘re NOT the 1st parent to discover that her daughter is having sex at an early age nor will you be the last. I know it hurts, and maybe even disappoint you that she has went there without consulting you, but this is what kids today do. They think its all ok to play grown up and do grown up things but when the nail hits the coffin and their caught oh boy! At this point try to figure out how you‘re going to deal with the fact in knowing she is sexually active and try to find a way to get her to talk to you about it without being combative, you don’t want to scare her away where she’ll never come to you even though the way you found out is goin to maker her angry in itself so you need to show her that you‘re not going to get crazy with her to make matters worse I hope the two of you can come together and begin to talk about it and heal from this. My prayers are with you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tamra wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • My heart aches for you as I, too, have a 15 yr old.  I agree that we need to talk to them about these sensitive issues, but I’m perplexed.  How do we start the dialogue?  Especially knowing they will most likely be defensive at first?

      Anyone have suggestions?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • Thanks Neicy so much.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • Oh, honey I’m so sorry that a you found out this way and b she is so young.

      I know your angry but you need to talk to her in a non emotional way and also talk about making babies ...

      So deep breathes and do your ranting and raving away from her ..



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • Oh the anxiety we can get from our daughters. ugh.
      Don’t forget to breathe my friend.
      I know that feeling of “Please let me rewind the clock 5 minutes & not know this!”
      It seems you were meant to know. As much as it hurts, it’s better to know so you can do something about it rather than not to know, of course.
      You‘re a very wise woman & I know you will handle this and that you can handle this spectacularly.
      As for the boy in question- don’t kill him. Let his mama do it.
      We are here for you honey. Prayers and hugs!
      Breathe.

      Those dreaded conversations- get very factual about teenage preg & diseases. Scare the hell out of her so to speak in a calm wise way.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • 3sa...I am dreading just this. My girls will be 13 in May. We actually talked about this last night and have been discussing it since their 6th grade ‘sex’ movie they show in school. I try my best to let them know they should wait etc. We as parents do our best to instill them with the right ‘morals’ regarding sex, drugs, etc.  

      We as parents also know that no matter how hard we try, sometimes they do not listen. I am very scared of the day I too may read these similar words or be told straight out. I am hoping that if this day comes I will be able to deal with it rationally and calmly so they will always know they can come to me. I pray it does not happen, but I am not going to be naive as I know it can happen.

      I just hope if it does they are smart enough to remember the condom, and the reasons why to remember it. I have also told the girls and my son if they feel this may happen, to come to me and we can decide what they feel they need to do. RE; birth control, std awareness.

      My friends think this talk happened too young with my kids!! WTF, 11 year olds are having sex. If they can understand they need to know.

      We are here for you whenever you need!!
      xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • I’ve been there.  I cleaned my son’s room once and discovered tons of pornography as well as condoms, nude pictures of his girlfriend*S*, etc.

      From experience, I knew the feeling of shock, the anger, the confusion, the denial, the what-to-do-next ... the whole 9 yards.

      Best for you right now, 3sa, be calm, do not mention that till you are at peace.  Then, bring this out to her and talk.  Expect she would be angry and say “You spooked up on me”  “You invaded my privacy” “How dare you?” etc etc...

      Then wait for her anger and shock die down.  Talk again - woman to woman, mother to daughter, friend to friend... tell her you rather her do not have sex at this young age and you respect her and understand it is very hard in these days.  Would you need some protection???

      I know.. it sounds like I am supporting.  I did that the other day with my son.  I said “Honey, I really do not want to be a grandmother so soon or have you to be a father now.  I know it is hard.  Though I prefer you to be celibate for a longer while.  Also not to mention all the disease transmitted via sex.  I know I cannot stop you and if you ever need money for condom, please please let mommy know and I will buy that for you.”  He said “I love you mom.”  

      Sorry for being so long of a reply.  I will pray for Peace and the Holy Spirit to guide you and your daughter.  It shall all pass - trust me.  You want her to talk to you and please do not blow up and close the gap.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • My heart goes out to you.  I remember when I found out my 16 year old son was sexually active.  I took him to the Dr. and she came out told me he was “active“.  I almost fainted!  She tested him for STD’s (which kid’s DO NOT think about) and said the results would be in in about a week.  That was the longest week ever.  I cried and cried, thinking “what if he has herpes, or worse????“.  When we got in the car I completely lost it and ripped into him which I now know whas not the right thing to do but I just reacted.  Fortunately the test’s all came back negative.  Hopefully this scared him enough (god know’s it did me) to use protection.  I guess I’m trying to tell you to NOT do what I did by ripping him for his actions.  I should have talked to him very calmy but I have to admit, I just didn’t have it in me.  I was so upset.  Hopefully you’ll be much stronger than I was.  Best of luck to you and your daughter.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Fraz764 wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • Hey girl, breathe..  

      I found out in a similiar way about my now 24 year old daughter. She was also 15 at the time. I know it is difficult, we get through it eventually. It is important of course to talk to her about the obvious. I agree with everyone else, make sure you are calm when you talk with her. I did not do that and I did harm that was difficult to repair later.

      Take care and we love you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Wittymom wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • 3sa...whew.  I am tearing up just reading this. We want so much for our children, and to discover these type of things is a such a blow. I can only imgagine what you are going through, and can’t offer any real advice since I am not there..yet.  BUT I do know that you value your relationship with your daughter so together you will get through this. I know these kids hate to talk, but I would only imagine that communication is the key here.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coachmombabe wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • 3sa, I felt the exact same way when I realized that my 18 year old son was being unfaithful to his wife. 3 1/2 years later all I can say is you will get through this, and so will your daughter. I will pray for God to guide you in all wisdom and love.



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