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Right before she came home I had a nice dose of medication and a nice glass of wine.  My nerves were so bad.  We have talked about this and I trusted her to make smart decisions so I was very disappointed.

I called her into my room and told her that I cleaned her room, she asked why, I ignored her, instead I said, I know you had sex because I found a letter in the middle of your floor while I was cleaning. She just looked at me with this smirk on her face and fear.  I guess I was too calm and it scared her.  I started crying and told her I trusted her and that I thought she would be smarter than to casually give her body away according to the letter she just did it for no reason and with her ex boyfriends best friend.

She said nothing, she just looked at me.  Then came the shocker she had the nerve to bring him into our home to do it when I was at work, a stranger into the house.  She oh so knows better than to bring somebody into the house that it is not safe, and I told her you should never go over a boys house either you could be gang raped, you just should not be having sex.  I asked her if she was pregnant she looked at me like DUH NO, she said she used a condom.  

I literally almost threw up with the images of her in my mind, and started crying. I asked her why she did not talk to me.  Shocker number 2, she said she did not feel loved by me anymore and so she doesn’t want to be my friend or talk to me.  I think my heart fell out.

I was so medicated that I could not even get angry and scream at her, I just calmly asked why did she feel that way and she told me some crap....I believe she was smart enough to try to flip the switch and make it about me not loving her....I was pissed but couldn’t express it.

I told her for lying to me she is on punished for one month, no computer, no cell phone after 6:00 PM.  Also I told her she will now be going to have a PAP and exam and since I do not want her to ruin her life with a baby at 15 she will be taking the depo shot for birth control every four months.

I explained that she should not be having sex, but if she made the stupid irrespondsible decision to she would be protected from having a baby, but not STD or AIDS.  She understood but did not have much to say.

She promised never to bring anyone in the house again, and to try to talk to me but I doubt it, I told her how disappointed I was, how easy she could lose the sight of her dream by letting some boy talk her into this.

SHOCKER NUMBER THREE, she said she initiated the whole thing not the boy...ok I’m done.

I think I am going home sick today.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • Thanks for all the support and lending me your ears!

      Love u ladies!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • aw 3sa...you did what you had to do. Now she has to grow up a little.  

      I am hoping that her blaise attitude was just a cover up.
      big hugggzz momma ♥



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • Oh! 3sa, thank you for sharing and please take care.

      Good thing the meds help you to be calmed.  It is much needed.

      After you recollect yourself a little bit, re-read this post and I see many hidden messages here.  

      Please, again, take care.  You are a good mother and she is a good daughter.  This is part of the growing pain.  I can think back of when I was at that age, I did many stupid things.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • Huge hugs ....... kids and especially girls get you everytime but hey we still love them.

      I think she is frightened xxxx



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • 3sa, I am not a mom, but I can still feel awful for you. I am so sorry to hear about this. I know how shocked my BFF was when her 15-yr-old daughter was busted for “sexting,” especially because she had been talking to the girl for months about consequences and sex.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheryl Sharpton wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • How brave you are for speaking your peace.  I have so much family baggage but my fear is that someone from my neck of the woods will see my blog and I’ll be ex-communicated from the family forever.  I applaud your calmness.  My son put me through some drama last summer while I was sick and thank goodness I was so doped up I don’t even remember the pain.  But...now I’m left wondering why did this happen to me.  Did I not do all I could for this child I brought into this world.  But more importantly, why can’t I trade him in for the son I really want.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • LOL warrior..I like you last sentence it made me smile a bit...thanks!

      I wouldn’t trade her for the world but I just feel like I failed somehow, thinking she was so smart and did not need much guidance....:(



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • The talking was a great start.  I know my son has said some really cruel things to  me that just hurt like hell.  I believe a lot of teenagers do that as a defense mechanism.  I also believe she loves you much more than she’ll let on.  I told you about when I found out about my son.  Well my 15 year old step daughter kept her room the same way.  I refused to clean it.  I just kept the door shut.  When she moved out, it remained the same way for several months!  Finally I couldn’t stand it and did the same thing you did.  Sat down on the bed and started picking crap up.  She had numerous journals.  I felt if she was lazy enough to just leave them on her floor for months, not take them with her, put them away, etc. then it must not have been very important what she penned.  I started to thumb through a few pages and was stunned by what she had written.  (If her dad knew he would die!!).  She wrote very hateful things about both her parents and other family members.  Also mentioned she was into “cutting“.  I guess I’m getting so much off my chest because I could never say anything to my husband because he was always in denial and it caused an argument.  Oh, and I found condems in her room several times and in the dryer when she left her clothes in their.  The condems found in the dryer she just smiled and said “oh, my friends played a joke on me“....and he believed her!  I know I’m rambling but I beleive many teenagers don’t open up to their parents, no matter how loving the parent is to the child and no matter what they buy them.  I knew my son was no saint (neither was I at 15).  Therefore, I rarely believed her stories.  I sound like a pessimist but I consider myself a realist.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • I just read both of your blogs and can say I totally understand what you are going through...A few years back I was at a point where I had to work 2 jobs to make ends meet...and one of them was working nights at a women’s shelter...at that time my 14 yr old daughter was spending a lot of time by her self...little did I know that she was having parties and sleepovers with her boyfriend...

      Anyways to make a long story short...the day she told me that she thought she was pregnant was the day I found out...I was clueless....I trusted her and was oooh so blind...for years I blamed myself...but finally came to the conclusion that I am not to blame...I guess what I am trying to say...as parents we can’t always be there and see what our children are doing...at that age they should know what’s right and what’s wrong...and also know what the consequences are...unfortunately for my daughter she made choices that cost her...cost her her teenage years...something she will never get back....

      I don’t think she ever regrets having him...but I think she does regret not having her teen years...to have fun and do the things that most teenagers do...

      I think you handled the situation well....she knows that you love her and that you want the best for her and that is all that matters...you are not a failure...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cmrobert wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • Shoot!  She’s lucky because had it been me (back in the day) I probably wouldn’t be here today.  You did just what you needed to do.  Hopefully she heard you (somewhere in there).  Excellent idea about the Dr visit if only for your peace of mind.  Be strong my sister and I will say a prayer for you.  

      Cheryl~



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Wittymom wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • You handled that well. I agree with UKgirl, the tough act was a scared and busted 15 year old.  

      The biggest (((((HUG))))) hope you can feel it through the computer screen girl. I really mean it.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coachmombabe wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • This is a reality I deal with every day. I am the Director of a crisis pregnancy center. These young ladies, most of them college age, are either pregnant or have 1 or more children. I have one client that is 20 and has 4 kids ! My own little daughter in law was pregnant the first time at 15. It's the culture we live in. I know we raised our kids right and we have 3 biological grandkids conceived outside of marriage.

      We have reached a day and age where the culture has more influence on teens (and preteens) than the parents do. The question is how can we turn the tide?  

      I certainly understand your angst. I wish I could just reach out and give you a hug. Raising teens today is a bumpy road, but hang in there, it will smooth out eventually!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • Times like these are when I want to ‘kidnap’ a friend & take a trip to Tiffany’s on the way to the spa for the day, then grab a bottle of Red Zeppelin for you to take home!
      In leiu, here you go. happy
      You‘re a great Mom!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Maria68 wrote Mar 9, 2009
    • 3sa, my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.  

      Your daughter is very lucky to have such a caring and compassionate mom. Continue to educate her on the dangers of unprotected sex and provide the medical support as needed.  

      Don’t give up on her or yourself, you are stronger than you think.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janeofmyjungle wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • I know for a fact you are a great mom, I have witnessed it over and over.  Your daughters have always been your best friends.  WOW and I remember when she was just 5. She is rebelling for whatever reason and smart enough to try and turn the tables on you. (remember she is your daughter...lol). Wish you were still in Florida with me, we would go do our happy hour thing and forget the whole thing....I love and miss you



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Almostfive0 wrote Mar 10, 2009
    • My thoughts are with you...
      Know that whatever decisions your daughter makes in life she will be alright.
      Everyone’s ultimate goal is to find the lessons in the decisions they make.
      The true test is not how well we walk the path that others may envision for us but to navigate our own way.  

      As parents, it is not easy for us to witness our children as they grow into adults, making decisions that we feel may not be the best or the wisest.  It hurts our hearts and we want to protect them against what we feel are undue struggles in life.
      Try to remember that your daughter will get through whatever consequences comes from the decisions she makes and those consequences will all eventually be for her own growth.

      All is well.
      Much love.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Susan Sullivan wrote Mar 16, 2009
    • Wow. Despite what I said in your other post about the room cleaning...this situation is hard and I think you handled it wonderfully.  We had a similar one with my niece..we only found out cause she got pregnant but she lost the baby.  Interestingly enough, once she discovered how much we were going to support her despite how she’d behaved, she’s much more mature and responsible now...she was 17, not 15, but is still hard.  I remember being 15 and that’s a tough age..not a kid, not an adult and sure that you know more than anyone and your parents are the most uncool things ever.  I sincerely hope that she’ll lighten up soon and you two can become friends again.  It’ll happen eventually - I pray it’s sooner rather than later.  Hang in there!



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