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I made friends with a lady in our neighborhood about 3 years ago.  Friendship was cool!  We helped each other out in personal situations and with each other’s children.

However, her situations are the same and keep recurring.  I see so much potential in this lady, but I don’t think she realizes her potential.  She moved about 30 miles away a year ago and we did not see nor speak to each other often.  Now, she is in a neighborhood close to us again.  I invited her and the children over for lunch and hangout (hubby was not happy).  Nothing has changed with her and I hate to say it, but seems worse.  She calls for advice, but does nothing to change (and, maybe does not want to change).  I had to finally accept that there’s NOTHING I can do to help!

Now, I just will not accept her phone calls.  She has drained me!  And, whenever I’m around her or speak with her on the phone, I am EXHAUSTED!

I’m trying to find a tactful (if possible) way to tell her “don’t call me, I’ll call you“.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Jan 3, 2009
    • Ummmmmmmmmm I wish you the best on this one.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stacy Gandy wrote Jan 3, 2009
    • LOLOL Chinadoll!

      Teeky, I hope she will get the hint!

      And Neicy, enough said - I feel you!

      Thanks ladies!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Almostfive0 wrote Jan 3, 2009
    • People do have a way of draining your energy.
      I used to be a hairstylist and once had a client who was just sucking the life out of me. I mean I was just no good after I spent a couple of hours twisting her locs.
      One day I just had enough and decided I would not have her in my life anymore.
      Every time she would call to schedule an appointment I told her I was booked until finally even this was draining me.
      I just broke down and told her that I was not going to do her hair anymore because she was draining my energy.
      She thought I was nuts. After all she was paying me to do her hair but I learned years before that I was no longer going to let anyone or anything stress me to the point that my physical or mental health was in jeopardy.
      After I explained to her what she was doing and how she made me feel she stopped calling for a while.
      Then one day she called and apologized, said she could not find anyone that took care of her the way I did and asked if she could come back.
      She was very sincere. I took her back and all was well from that point on.
      Good luck girlfriend.
      Peace.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jacquie6363 wrote Jan 3, 2009
    • People only change when they want to, they seem to wallow in their own sorrow...if she is exhausting you, best to keep ignoring her.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Darla5 wrote Jan 3, 2009
    • Oh Girl... I know how you are feeling. Tori is right ! IF you will not return the phone calls she will get the message. I know that sounds harsh but it is true.

      I have told a girl in person why I did not want to be buddies anymore and it did not go well. So I learned to not respond to their calls or emails and the message is crystal clear.

      Good Luck with that one. I believe we should be there for friends when they are down but there are those that are always   NEGATIVE and Misery LOVES company!!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Jan 3, 2009
    • i agree with all the ladies on this one..

      good luck.. its not an easy thing to do, but has to be done...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stacy Gandy wrote Jan 3, 2009
    • After my hiatus, my outlook on some things are different. This was one thing I refused to let happen - was letting someone drain me!

      I wish her well, and I have to move on...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Psalmist wrote Jan 3, 2009
    • Stacy, have you told her how you feel?  I saw that you’ve offered her unheeded advice and you’ve helped her out multiple times, but have you ever just sat her down and told her, “Girl, I love you, but this is draining me.” And then explain to her what it is about the relationship that’s draining.  I’ve done it with a few sister friends and only one is no longer in our circle.  It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.

      Sometimes we need to be told that something’s wrong before we recognize that something’s wrong.  I heard an expression once, and I’ve been using it ever since, “sometimes it takes a feather and sometimes it takes a brick,” meaning, some people will take subtle hints and some people you just have to hit between the eyes with the truth.  Maybe she just doesn’t realize what she’s doing.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leeann wrote Jan 3, 2009
    • I had a friend like that about year ago. I had to let go. Total gossip. She drained me. She knock on my door the other day and made her way through my house which I thought was pretty rude. My son ran into the other night and she made a rude comment about my sons girlfriends hair. I don’t miss her at all.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stacy Gandy wrote Jan 4, 2009
    • Psalmist, I haven’t told her she drains me, but I HAVE told her about her behavior when she has asked for advice and help!  I guess I will have to tell her she is draining.  There’s no easy way to do this (don’t want to break her), but nonetheless, it HAS to be done!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jan 4, 2009
    • FYI, any age can join here.  happy  Can you tell I am persistent?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Jan 4, 2009
    • As hard as it is...the best thing to do is distance yourself...if it is bothering you enough to talk about it then it is an issue that needs to be addressed....as hard and as harsh at it is...it is a fact...your well-being should always come first...just my opinion...happy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mz. Queen wrote Jan 4, 2009
    • In the end you‘re gonna do what needs to be done to preserve your strength, energy and friendship if that’s what you want to do.

        I always distance myself from people like that especially if they don’t recognize the need for change, I cannot allow them to usurp my energy.

      [Link Removed]


      47ntiredorunnin, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Saylor101 wrote Jan 4, 2009
    • yes, I know someone - a few someones - but the biggest is ME.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Psalmist wrote Jan 4, 2009
    • I’ve been where you‘re friend is and, almost as an intervention, it was one of the healthiest things my sisters could have done for me. I honestly did not recognize on my own that I was doing what I was doing.  That wake up call helped change so much for the better.  If you really value this friendship with her, do your best to salvage it, but if the bad outweighs the good, get rid of it and don’t look back. Leave it alone, knowing at least that you tried and did your best; that’s the most anyone should ask of you.  We‘re here if you need us.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stacy Gandy wrote Jan 4, 2009
    • Well ladies, I answered her phone call. And, explained to her how the DRAMA was affecting me and how it affected the friendship. She only said, “I guess I’ll talk with you later.” I could here disappointment (w/an attitude) in her voice.

      About 4 hours later, her aunt called me and gave me uplifting words.

      I feel so relieved! I feel like a building was lifted off of my shoulders!

      I pray God bless her and that she finds her way - but, Stacy has to move on! I believe, I served the purpose God wanted me to and I feel good!

      Thank you ladies! Right now, I’m feeling the song by Soul2Soul, “Keep on Moving“! LOL ;D



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Psalmist wrote Jan 4, 2009
    • Sounds like you did the right thing for both of you!  Sounds like she heard you and might be considering your words.  Nevertheless, not only are you free, but a member of her own family sent you off with their blessing.  Ooooh girl, I feel the weight lifted with you!  Go fly farther and higher now!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stacy Gandy wrote Jan 4, 2009
    • Thank you, Psalmist! I DO feel MUCH lighter!  “It is finished“...



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