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Below is a conversation I had with a friend during what felt like an emotional meltdown.

Friend:  What is on your mind?  I feel you are not yourself tonight.  

Me:   haven't been myself for the past couple of months.  I'm always the one giving others advice or lending a listening ear.  

At the core of it all I'm torn between two men China.  That's the mess I've gotten myself into.  The one I've dated for over a year.  It's been so much of a struggle because our worlds are so different.  But I don't trust him China, I just don't trust him!  He's broken my heart so many times I've stopped counting.  I've tried to make it work for the sake of not being alone.  But I'm miserable with him. He's not abusive in any manner we're just not compatible but we are physically involved and that's the tie that's bind.  

Then there's the gentleman that I recently started dating, I've have a crush on him for about 6 months and then it happened he hit on me I responded but now I don't know what's going on because his actions have changed.  Thankfully we have not been physically involved only talked about how we both wanted each other.  So I'm sitting here tonight wanting to talk to him so bad but I can't call I've got to give it a few more days to see if his actions match his words.  So in the meantime, I'll spend the evening with the other guy because I really don't want to be alone.  

I really like the new guy and truly enjoy his company.  We talk for hours and about everything under the sun.  I do really good until I'm off work and all the activities have ceased for the day.    

Thank you for listening/reading.  I'm sure this is just a phase that will pass soon.  

Friend:  Hmmm, I hear you and feel you.  

It is the loneliness and emptiness you are trying to fill.  One provide the physical comfort - yet emotionally draining.  The other did just the opposite.  

Are you planning on sharing it here?  A blog?    

I think we all have some experience.  You said you always give advise and perhaps it's time for you to sit back and let us give you some support and comfort.  No need to spin around.   Love ya....  

Me:  OMG!  What an observation.  I don't know if I'm ready to expose that much of myself I sound so immature and adolescent.  I'll give it strong consideration.

Me:  Thanks!  Love ya back...  

Friend:  We all have our children in us regardless of age.  

One thing I'd like to say that I used it earlier "If I don't let you know who I am, how can you love me?  or you just love the fake me?"   Give it some thought... I am here.  Love ya.

Me:  Gottcha!  

This conversation has haunted me for days.  And the reality of the matter that pierce my heart to the core was her response “If I don’t let you know who I am how can you love me? or you just love the fake me?  Well I’d rather be the real me 100% of the time.  So Friend here I am naked and unashamed!



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • You look fabulously in your birthday suite.  Wink Wink.  

      Just love you 200 percentage.

      Sisters, let give Michelle some support and cheers.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • Hi Michelle!! Gr8 to see you around here. BTW, congrats on the grand baby!! ♥

      Now, as for the man that has caused you pain before, most likely he will continue to do so if you allow him to. Stand your ground and let him know his behaviors are out of line.

      As for the new man...talk to him. Let him know your feelings. Life is way to short to ‘wonder’ about someone elses feelings. Bascially, if he does not respond he is not worth your time.

      There is someone out there that will treat you right. Never settle for anyone, you deserve the best!!

      Blessings
      xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • Michelle: When I was single, I always thought I was not complete until a man was in my life.  He was the missing piece of puzzle.  It took me 6 years to discover - I could be complete and that missing piece was not held by any men but it was for me to find.

      I hope you will be enlightened as to discover when the missing piece is and yet, find to fulfill that needs with your inner strength and beauty.  

      Men are just icing on the cake - sometimes we really do not need the extra calories.happy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheryl Guy wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • I like the way you put it Chinadoll! I think I’ve had a lot of extra calories in the past that I did not need!  

      Michelle- If you don’t like being alone & aren’t ready for it yet then ride that roller coaster and have fun doing it! Get from each of them what it is that keeps you temporarily satisfied until the right man with the total package comes along. If man #1 causes you too much heartache though then it’s time to kick him to the curb. You are a beautiful woman and can replace his “physical comfort” with no problem I’m sure. Just keep yourself happy because you are #1!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • Michelle, I was in a relationship exactly as you described for almost 5 years.  I didn't trust him as far as I could through him.  Yet, we had a terrific physical relationship.  As much as it hurts and as lonely as it get's, I think it would be very beneficial for you in the long run to get out of that relationship.  You feel like you'll never find someone to make you feel certain ways again but we all do!  It just takes time.   Talk to the new guy and take it very slow.  CD is right.  Women feel they are not complete unless they have a man.  But, if you can't trust him is it really worth the repeated heartbreak???  Your a beautiful lady and you deserve so much more.  Give yourself a break and....when you least expect it, he'll find you.  That's what happened to me.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • Not wanting to be alone has gotten me into the biggest mistakes in my life.  

      I’ve learned the hard way that being lonely in a realtionship is way worst than being alone.  

      Don’t settle for just not being alone, because it’s very lonely.

      The other guy....let him call you, one thing I have learned is that if a man is interested he will call you and if you respond he will call again.  Let him get the relationship off the ground, it’s good you haven’t been intimate with him yet because that will only make you feel worst when he doesn’t call.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coachmombabe wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • Michelle, that is so profound! I think you will sense your level of self acceptance rising because of your boldness to “expose” yourself. And see how beautiful you are? Thank  you for trusting us!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • yes I have to agree...I like the way you put that CD it really makes sense...something to for me to always keep in mind...happy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Michelle Walker wrote Mar 7, 2009
    • Each of you have shared something very valuable.  I’ll relfect and move through this slowly.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Mar 7, 2009
    • Talk your time.  I rather you chew and taste then swallow and choke.  happy



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