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Are you there God, it’s me Tammy?  I’ve heard writing and blogging is a great way to get things off ones chest and boy do I ever need it.  Just turned 42 a couple weeks ago and I don’t know if it’s coincidence or what, but I have never felt so lost, unsure, scared, disappointed in myself.....and the list goes on.

Hopefully someone can relate to this scenario I am in right now.  I live with my daughter (19), who is a college student and my boyfriend, Todd (47).  Both of them cause me so alot of stress, or do I allow them to?  I spend a fair amount of time wondering and hoping that my daughter makes good choices and doesn’t make the same.  On the other hand I know its time to let her live her life and accept that the choices she makes are hers.  I am working on that.

The biggest issue right now is my relationship with Todd....I remember the days a few years ago when we met and thought we would never be able to live with-out each other and how hard it was being long distance for awhile.  He would have done anything for me.  He was very helpful around the house and it was wonderful.  I told him many times that I didn’t want to live together right away, but that living in the same town would be so nice.  Well things happened and nothing happened as planned.  He ended up moving in with me as soon as he moved to town.  

Fast forward to about three years later...we have bought a house together, he is on workmans comp. right now (torn rotator cuff at work) and is home all day and night.  He does nothing unless I ask and I feel like he’s not even the same person.  to make things worse, I am really going through alot of “who am I, what really makes me happy” kind of stuff.  Most days, I dont see this lasting.  I have found this new desire to really explore life and I don’t know where he fits of if?  I have always had what I call a “gypsy spirit” and it’s really pulling at me lately.  

Not sure what I expect from this blogging, but if it lifts a little pressure off my chest, then its worth it.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mjmurphy wrote Apr 21, 2009
    • yup, yup, yup, can definitely relate and I bet you will get many more responses. I think you are a very caring person and are finding that people take advantage of you even when you attempt to make boundaries - you tell the boyfriend you don’t want to live together and then, there you are...as I read I wondered when I began to question the way my life was and I realized it was 5 years ago, that would have made me about the same age. well sweetie, hang on because you are on the path to finding out who you really are and making your life exactly what you want and being the happiest you’ve ever been! BTW, love your opening!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Apr 21, 2009
    • Tammy, I know your story resonates with so many woman in our stage of life! I’m so very proud of you for not being numb to these thoughts - you‘re allowing yourself to process all of it. You‘re thinking and feeling it all through! My hat’s off to you. Allow yourself free reign to go through this entire process and I assure you that perfect clarity will be at the end of the line. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. If you permit, I know that this wonderful band of women here will walk with you through to your ultimate decision with a lot of caring and support.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Apr 21, 2009
    • Tammy thx for sharing with us. keep writing your thoughts down. Here or elsewhere.
      I do have one suggestion tho for you to start with. Write down a list of things on how you want YOUR life to be.
      Ex: I want my home to be my peace haven, I want a brand new car, etc....  

      Once you get your list written compare it to your reality and change the things that don’t line up.
      You can’t change people only the way you react to them.
      Welcome to Fab40. I wish you the best....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carolnphil wrote Apr 21, 2009
    • I think we all have experienced this.

      Who are we when we left home?  Are we now no longer the little girl of our parents?

      How about when our children moved out?  Are we now no longer mothers to our children?

      Two years ago I was diagnosed with Stage III Colon Cancer.  Am I now no longer a cancer patient because treatment has ended?

      I think we have to find ourselves and not be de-fined or con-fined by who people see us as; daughters, sisters, wives, girlfriends, mothers, grandmothers, etc.

      Right now I’m pretty happy with me.  happy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carolnphil wrote Apr 21, 2009
    • Way to say it Lisa!  Good job.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marie66 wrote Apr 21, 2009
    • Tammy, you go right ahead and do what YOU have to do for yourself. At one point in my life too.. I felt that my life didn’t have any meaning and I was sick of it.. I have 2 wonderful great loving young men (my boys) and a great guy. But I hated my life for some reason..I haven’t worked sines 2001 due to a back injury and then surgery..But I wanted more, MY LIFE I wanted to do for me.
      But I did what I was suppose to do as a mother and wife, and I told my husband, he told me to do what I needed to do to get MY LIFE back and.So you do for YOU, there is NOTHING wrong with that, you deserve to be HAPPY. Thank you for sharing and know that we are here for you..God Bless and hope to hear from you soon.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Divaz wrote Apr 21, 2009
    • Tammy,
      I can certainly relate to you and your feelings. I too, have questioned “Who am I?” I have been unhappy for quite sometime now, in a marriage that is draining me dry, spiritually, emotionally, and finacially. But I’ve decided to do something about it, I’m tired of crying and feeling depressed, so I’m taking control of my life again. I decided to eliminate my problem, since it is not only affecting me, but my young son as well.
      I wish you all the best. I do hope you too will find the strength and the courage to put your life back in order.
      And YES!!!!! God is always there. His word says, “He is a very present help in time of trouble.” We have not because we ask not. All you have to do is ask, he will hear you.
      Divaz



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tammyrw wrote Apr 22, 2009
    • Thanks Ladies, I appreciate all your commments and advice and I will keep plugging away.  Vikki89, I like the list idea, thanks!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Charlotte44 wrote Apr 23, 2009
    • Thanks for posting and I agree with everyone. You know that saying “If I only knew then, what I know now.”  

      Twenty years ago I thought I knew it all. Now I know I don’t know crap and I’m still learning every day about who I am and who I want to be. I have a man in my life and kids and there are days when I feel like “running“.

      I admire your “Gypsy Spirit” and while I’m not one to give advice it doesn’t sound like you have a whole lot holding you back, If that’s what you want to do, DO IT.

      Keep us posted on how things go.

      Charlotte



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